


Big Things

by Cherikella



Category: X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies)
Genre: Age Difference, Age Swap, Alternate Universe - Still Have Powers, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blow Jobs, Charles Always Says the Absolute Worst Thing He Could Possibly Say, Charles Being Concerned, Charles Is a Big Dorkface, Charles Xavier has a Ph.D in Adorable, Charles You Will Be Drunk, Charles doesn't know Erik's mentally 14, Charles had a drinking problem, Charles thinks Erik is 30, Dubious Consent, Erik Has Feelings, Erik Logic Is The Best Logic, Erik is 14 going on 30, Erik is 14 in the body of a 30 year old, Erik is Crushing Harder than a 12-year Old Girl, Erik is a Sweetheart, Erik is a mama's boy, Erik is a teenager in his head, Erik is not a Happy Bunny, Falling In Love, Guilt, Honestly Charles What Are You Thinking, Love, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Mutants, Poor Charles, Wishes, mild alcoholism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-14
Updated: 2017-10-15
Packaged: 2018-12-15 10:08:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 69,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11803842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cherikella/pseuds/Cherikella
Summary: Erik Lehnsherr, a strongly opinionated 14-year old mutant boy, is sick and tired of people ignoring his political ideas. He wants to be big so that he’d actually make a difference! When he meets a mutant powerful enough to grant him his wish Erik instantly takes his chance to start a new life as a kid in a grown-up's body and do what he always dreamed of. However, things don’t always go as planned, especially after he meets Charles Xavier, a telepath on suppressants whose life is about to be completely transformed. Erik and Charles fall in love but how would Charles react when he finds out his beloved Erik is a teen in a grown-up's body?Inspired byBig (1988)





	1. Chapter 1

Being 14 sucked. Being treated like a kid sucked. Especially when you were a kid with convictions, with strong ideals and many ideas.

Erik Lehnsherr lived for the day when he was going to be biiiig. When people would actually listen to him when he talked and not just aww and say he’s adorable. Erik wanted to make a difference in the world. He wanted to challenge the status quo. He wanted to change the world. He’d seen so many injustices he wanted to stop them. But he was also 14 so he was basically expected to do his homework and play ball all day long like the other boys. As if everyone had to be the same and share the same interests! God forbid you’re different!

The only person who felt his emotional struggles and frustration was his mother. Eddie Lehnsherr was a remarkable woman indeed. Erik loved her more than anything in the world. She was his favorite person. But even she couldn’t really change the fact that Erik had no actual voice in the world of grown-ups.

“Be patient, my boy. One day you’ll be older and then you’d be able to do all those things.” she would say, stroking his hair gently.

Erik would look at her with a bloodied lip -- because of course he’d gotten into another fight again with this week’s loser who claimed mutant politics were bullshit -- and groan. “I don’t want to wait. It’s unfair that I have to wait.”

“I know.” She’d say softly and pull him into a warm motherly embrace. That would calm Erik down. For about 15 minutes. Then his brain would begin raging all over again about all the wrongs of the world. That’s just what Erik Lehnsherr was like. And he didn’t expect to change any time soon.

~*~

If you asked Erik what he hated most about school, he’d probably say the stupid humans who think they’re better than everyone, and school outings. School outings were really dumb. What was the point of school outings anyway? He’d much rather stay in his room and listen to Mystique’s speeches. Mystique was magnificent! Erik loved her with passion! She was his idol! She was only 6 years older than him but she’s been fighting for mutant rights since she was 16! She went out on protests even when she was like Erik’s age but that never stopped her. She was probably ignored too when she was a child, her words not taken seriously by the grown-ups. Well, she showed them! Her activist group was the most active and relevant one of all. The few improvements in mutant policy came from the Mystique Bunch and that was inspiring. Erik wanted to be a part of that team so desperately! He’s even sent a bunch of embarrassing letters to his hero but he doubted she’s read them… She was so busy after all, saving the world and all.

“This sucks! It’s gonna be some stupid weird-ass mutie freak show!” Stryker, one of his very annoying human schoolmates, whined when they were taking their seats in the school buss.

Erik pursed his lips and clenched his fists. He wasn’t supposed to get into fights. He wasn’t supposed to get into fights.

“It’s like, can they please not be born? Like, at all?” Stryker laughed with his group of idiot buddies.

That was it. Erik got into a fight.

~*~

He got away with his ‘aggressive behavior’ because of the school day out. They were already behind schedule so the teacher only gave them a warning and made Erik and Stryker sit in the opposite parts of the buss. Erik took the back, of course. He was frowning and panting, his hair was a mess and so were his clothes. Stryker had a bruised lip but neither of them was bleeding so that was another thing that saved Erik from getting into trouble with the Principal again. He was lucky for that. He hated it when they called his mother. He didn’t want to disappoint her. She understood his reasons but it was no excuse to worry or embarrass her.

He slumped his shoulders and flopped back into the seat. He had the whole back to himself, no one was sitting next to a mutie with anger management issues. Not even the other two mutants in the class. The fear of getting into trouble if associating with the school’s local troublemaker was too big to overcome. Erik didn’t understand their lack of passion and conviction to unite and change things around here but he did not blame them for it either. He stared out the window. They were going to an ‘exotic fair’, which was just another name for ‘mutant freak show’. A fair exhibiting mutants with visible mutations as if they were some kind of caged animals. Or mutie freaks, as Stryker called them. Erik hated this. Why was his class even going to that thing? It wasn’t going to teach them anything! It was degrading and offensive! Not to mention painful to watch.

Erik wanted to stay in the buss and wait for the others but that was not an option either, according to his teacher. He huffed and slid down his seat, leaving the buss and following the crowd of sheep to the exotic fair.

~*~

One couldn’t enter such a place and not notice that mutants were often treated like animals in a zoo. Just like Erik knew they would. The mutants that worked at the fair were showing off their abilities -- if they had any -- or just stood there and let people gawk at them, point at them and make loud crude remarks about their appearance. Erik knew well that not all humans were the same, not all humans were evil bastards -- at least that’s what his mother always repeated to him, without the bastards part, of course. But it was hard to believe that they weren’t all the same when everywhere he looked all he could see was humans mistreating mutants, making fun of them, hurting them emotionally and/or physically. Maybe his mother was still right and the bad humans were simply louder than the good ones but Erik couldn’t wrap his head around it. Why would any decent human live with that? How could anyone sit around inactive in the face of injustice without their blood boiling?

Erik couldn’t stand the sight of the fair and its visitors anymore so the first chance he got he sneaked to the most secluded part of the place. It was quieter here. Not many people, just one tired mutant sitting down a pillow on the ground, head hung. Erik frowned, tilting his head.

“Are you alright?” he asked, taking a step towards the mutant.

The man looked up and suddenly smiled. “I’m better than alright! Do you want to see what I can do or just stare at me?” he raised up to his feet and began turning around slowly to give Erik a better look.

Erik was taken aback by this sudden cheerfulness. He glanced at the label that was stuck to the ground next to the the mutant’s pillow and read: _Alzador: Collector of Dreams_.

“What the hell?” Erik muttered. “Why are you even here? This is degrading! Not to mention stupid.”

The mutant, Alzador apparently, stopped smiling and crossed his arms on his large chest instead. “And what do you know about it? What is it to you?”

“Well, if you must know, I’m a mutant too.” Erik said pointedly.

Alzador took a good look at him, head to toe. “You don’t look like one.” he said.

That remark was enough to spark rage in Erik’s heart again.

“There are visible and invisible mutations! Some are mutants on the outside, some on the inside. You should know that!” he gasped, lifting whatever metal pieces were around them to show his own abilities.

“Boy, do I know that!” he huffed. “We may both be mutants but we’re not the same.”

“That’s right. I stand up for myself when I have to.”

“Easier for you to say with an invisible mutation.”

Erik frowned. It was true. They lived in a world where rich mutants with invisible mutations were the only members of mutant kind that were relatively safe. The rest… well…

“I don’t hide who I am.” Erik said firmly. “My mutation may be invisible but believe me I make damn sure everybody knows that I’m a mutant.”

Alzador nodded thoughtfully. “I can see that.”

Erik sucked in a deep breath. He had to ask. “Why do you stand for this? Why are you here? Why are you doing this? I don’t mean to be rude, I just really don’t understand.”

Alzador shrugged. “It’s my job.”  

“It’s degrading!”

“It pays.”

“I saw a guy throw a tomato at one of the other ‘workers’ of this enterprise.”

Alzador shrugged again. “Occupational hazard.”

“Don’t give me that! You should stand up and fight! Not accept this kind of treatment!” He was getting all worked up again. “If we all do it, we can defeat them and change society!”

Alzador looked at him with strangely calm eyes. Like a man who had made his peace with the world no matter how cruel it’s been to him.

“It is my job.” he said again.

“Do you like it?”

“It brings food to the table.”

“Do you like it?”

“It’s hard to get another one when you look like me…”

“Do. You. Like. It?”

“Oh, I hate it.” the man chuckled, and there was only a slight twinge of bitterness to his voice. “But sometimes you have to do something you hate so that those you love have a chance at a decent life.”

The words struck Erik to his very core. For the first time he realized why some stood as silent observers in the face of injustice. When you’re weak, you dare not raise your voice. When you’re down, you dare not get up and get shot in the crossfire. Was it painful to suffer silently? Probably. Would he accept such pain if it meant to protect his mother whom he loved so dearly? Yes, he definitely would accept it. Just like Alzador did. Just like many other mutants did too.  

“I--” He wanted to say something to Alzador but for the first time he had no words. So he changed the subject. Like a coward. “So what exactly is your mutation?”

“I collect dreams.” Alzador replied, seemingly relieved with the change of topic, too.

“How so?”

“People whisper to me their dreams and hope they come true.”

Erik arched an eyebrow. “So like a wishing well?”

“No! I’m the Collector of Dreams!” Alzador announced dramatically.

Erik gave a nod. “So like a wishing well.”  

Alzador groaned defeated. “Yes, yes, like a wishing well.” then he gave Erik a strange look. “Would you like to try it?”

“No. No need to--”

“Try it.” Alzador insisted. “You won’t be degrading me, boy. It’s what I’m here for. Try it.”

Erik hesitated for a moment. If the man said it was fine, maybe it was fine? It was his job after all. In any case, what did Erik have to lose?

“I-- alright.” Erik said. “If you’re sure…”

“I’m sure. Now whisper your dream to me. Wish away!”

Erik swallowed. He leaned in closer to Alzador. “I wish I was… big!”

Alzador glanced up at him. “Seriously?”

Erik rolled his eyes. “You asked what my dream was. That’s my dream.”

“You want to be big.” Alzador said unimpressed.

“No one listens to a freaking 14-year old! And that’s frustrating when I have so much to say. If I were big, I could change the world! I won’t need wishes then.”

A strange smile spread across Alzador’s face. “Very well then. Don’t stop wishing and have hope in your heart.”

Erik blinked. “That’s it? That’s all you do? I tell you my deepest desires and you just say ‘have hope’?”

Alzador shrugged.

Erik laughed amused. “Well, that’s pretty cool! I imagine the stupid faces of those humans who come here, thinking you’re some kind of a fairy godmother and then bam! Have hope and have a nice day! I love this!”

Alzador kept smiling. “I’m glad you’re amused. You need more laughter in your life.”

“Lehnsherr! There you are, finally. We’ve been looking for you. We’re leaving, come on.” The teacher said.

Just when Erik was beginning to enjoy himself. Alzador was a nice conversationalist and it made a nice change to have someone listen to him without laughing in his face for a change. You know, someone who wasn’t his mother or his neighbor Azazel.   

“But--” he tried to protest.

“Don’t make this difficult, Erik, or I will report the little buss incident from this morning.” the teacher warned.

Erik thought of his dear mother being called at the Principal’s office again and sighed. “I’m coming.” he said. “Goodbye, Alzador. Collector of Dreams. I hope-- I hope your loved ones have a decent life.”

“You make sure of that when you change the world!” Alzador smiled in return.

~*~

Erik woke up at 6 am as usual. It wasn’t a school day but he was an early riser. He stretched and yawned and rubbed at his hair absentmindedly as he got up from his bed and walked towards the bathroom. He lifted the lid, feeling quite taller than before. It was strange. Maybe he was still sleepy, that would explain why everything felt different this morning. He looked down. Hmm. _That_ felt different too… Why is it so…? His eyes went wide. He looked at the mirror quickly and screamed. Really screamed.

He must still be dreaming! A very very weird dream! Because the man looking back at him from the mirror was at least 30! This reflection was definitely not Erik’s! And yet the man in the mirror blinked when Erik blinked, leaned in to stare back at Erik as Erik leaned in to stare at him. The face was familiar but older. It was Erik’s face and yet it wasn’t. It couldn’t be! How could it be!? Erik was a boy! Erik was not big and tall and… Oh!

“Alzador, you dog.” Erik whispered to himself, pressing the tips of his fingers to his cheek and staring at himself in the mirror. It _was_ Erik’s reflection after all! “This is neat.”

He grinned at himself and ran his fingers through his cheeks. There was no stubble there yet but he probably had to shave at some point. There were wrinkles on his forehead and a little around his eyes but in a pleasant way. He liked it. He liked the way he’d aged. Overnight. Nevermind.

His hands moved down to his chest. Well-defined. Not the skinny mess that he used to be just a day earlier. No pimples either which was a great relief! His eyes looked at his shoulders and arms too. He wasn’t what one might call buff or anything too muscly but he was in a really good shape. A very good shape, in fact.

He swallowed as his gaze went down to his bathing suit area. Nervous curiosity made his hands tremble a little. He was going to look _down there_ when his mother’s voice cut his actions midair.

“Erik! Breakfast!”

He nervously pulled his hands away from his pants in a heartbeat.

“Coming, mama!” he yelled and instantly shut his mouth with his palms. His voice! It was different! A man’s voice!

“Erik, are you getting a cold?” Came his mother’s question from down the stairs.

Erik grimaced at his old reflection in the mirror. “No?” he yelled back, trying to make his voice more childlike. It didn’t really work that great.

“You _are_ getting a cold. And then I’m gonna get a cold and we’ll both be hanging here with a cold…” Eddie muttered to herself as she returned to the kitchen.

Erik looked back at the big man in the mirror. It was still strange for him to think of that face as his own. He wasn’t that different but seeing oneself age overnight can be a bit trying on a person. Even on Erik. Apparently Alzador could make dreams come true, but only the dreams he chose to. Clever guy!

Erik was hungry but he couldn’t get down for breakfast in boxer shorts that were too tight for him. None of his own clothes would fit him now. He sneaked into his mother’s bedroom and opened the drawer he knew she kept his father’s old clothes. The ones she couldn’t throw out or give to charity. The ones that were a memory of a beloved dead husband. Erik took them out of the drawer as if they were a relic of some sort and hesitated for a moment before putting them on. Now he could get down for breakfast.

~*~

His mother had prepared his favorite breakfast! The toast was just like he liked it! His mother was the best!

Erik sat down at the table, gobbing at the food like a hungry puppy when he heard his mother scream like never before.

“OUT OF MY HOUSE OR I’LL KICK YOUR ASS!”

Erik blinked, his jaw slacking as the bite he had taken remained unchewed in his mouth. What was his mother on about? And did she just say _ass_?

“YOU HEARD ME! OUT!”

Eddie Lehnsherr, holding his baseball bat, looking like a tigress ready to tear apart the stranger in her kitchen, that was an image that would stay with Erik till the day he died. It also made him love his mother even more.

He slowly put the toast down in the plate and swallowed his half-chewed bite. “It’s alright, mama. It’s me. Erik.” he smiled. “I grew up.”

What he had expected was surprise and then a gentle hug. Maybe a bit of _Oh, my dear boy! You’ve grown so big and quite handsome!_ What he didn’t expect was the baseball bat hitting his calf.

“OUT, YOU LIAR! YOU STAY AWAY FROM MY SON!”

“No! Mom! It’s really me! Honest!” Erik gasped, eyes wide in terror. “I’ll prove it to you! Just stop hitting me, okay!?”

“AND NEVER RETURN!”

It was utterly pointless. She did not believe him.

Erik brought a few small metal figures of animals, birds and flowers to float around them, keeping them in the air with his powers. “Here! I made these for you… I shaped them and you said they were more beautiful than--”

“DON’T TOUCH THOSE! TAKE ANYTHING YOU WANT, JUST LEAVE ME AND MY BOY ALONE!” Eddie gasped, trying to collect the metal figures from the air.

“But, mama… I’m Erik… I made a wish. I wanted to be big. I’m gonna change the world...” Erik whispered heartbroken. How could he even begin to explain? How could he ever make her believe him?

“OUT!”

She almost chased him out and then he heard her calling his name, searching for him desperately in the house. Searching for her son that she won’t find.

A tear rolled down Erik’s cheek. What had he done? His mother was all alone now… because of him.

~*~

Erik was a rational person, even if he was headstrong and passionate. He knew that crying never got the job done. He decided he had to act! So that’s what he did.

He grabbed his bike -- it was a bit small and uncomfortable but it still worked when he didn’t sit down -- and biked all the way to the exotic fair. If he could just find Alzador, make him turn him back or at least explain things to his mother… It was in vain. The fair was gone. No sign of it. And Erik was left there in the middle of the empty space, surrounded by old garbage, tossed here and there on the grass.

Food. Money. He needed to eat. He needed to survive. He’d think about the rest later. For now he had to take care of himself so that he doesn’t, like, die or something. Then he could start looking for Alzador and make things right again.

He went to the city, looking for a job. It was not as easy as he thought it’d be. He got turned down by several places, he was completely dismissed by some snobbish idiot of a boss and by the end of the day he was still hungry and broke. No one heard his voice, no one listened to him. He was a grown-up now but things hadn’t miraculously changed. Why?

His eyes fell on a sign _Find Your Path_. Why, of course! He was looking at the wrong place! He had to go where his voice would be heard! A place that was just for people like him who wanted to make a difference! He had to follow his own path!

 _Find Your Path_ turned out to be just a shelter for homeless mutants where they gave you soup twice a day. But it was still a sign, Erik thought. A sign that now was his chance to change the world! Food can wait! He had to think about the bigger picture here!

~*~

When Azazel went looking for his friend in their usual place at the treehouse he found only found a piece of paper with a magnet on it. He could recognize Erik’s handwriting, of course.

 

_Az,_

 

_I’m off to town for a couple of weeks. Mom sort of doesn’t know yet so please tell her. And please, look after her when you can. I don’t exactly trust you but you’re my only friend. Tell her I’ll be okay and contact her as soon as I can. Tell her not to worry and not to look for me because I will return on my own. Tell her I love her. You know what? Don’t tell her anything just give her this letter._

_Also thanks for being a friend. I’ll miss you too._

 

_Erik_

_P.S. Take care of the Brotherhood of Mutants while I’m gone. It is very important to me!_

 

The Brotherhood of Mutants was a club Erik had founded. So far the only members were Azazel and Erik himself. It was Erik’s way of telling Azazel to take care of himself. They both knew how often Az got bullied because of his red skin and his tail. Other kids calling him a devil and what not. The only reason he wasn’t always covered in bruises from head to toe was because he could teleport faster than his bullies could reach him.

Azazel frowned. Erik never mentioned leaving so suddenly. It was strange. But of course he did as Erik asked and showed the letter to Mrs. Lehnsherr. But could a mother just let this go so easily and not look for her child? Especially this mother? Azazel couldn't tell but he hoped Erik was okay. Wherever he was.

~*~

Ever since he could remember, Erik wanted to work with the Mystique Bunch. He knew that was the place for him. So that’s the place he went to the moment he got to New York! Hitchhiking was no fun. He met some weird people. So finally he just decided to float himself to the Big Apple, even though that was exhausting. It was worth it for the Mystique Bunch!

True, he had to lie a bit in his CV but everybody did that! Or so he’s heard…

“Two numbers are missing from your social security number.” the mutant resources lady said, glancing up from his resume.

“Oh. Um. 12.” he said at the top of his head.

“1-2.” she added. “So. Why do you want to--”

“Ever since I was a child I dreamed of working here! All other mutant activists are scared like rats but Mystique, she’s different! She’s an inspiration to me! She speaks up her mind, she tells truths and isn’t afraid to shout in the face of the people who’re supposed to do something about this whole mess. This society needs to change and I know this is where the change begins! I want to be a part of that! I know I can be of help too!”

The lady blinked, apparently not expecting a passionate speech about it. “Okay. You know this is just a delivery man’s job, right? You’ll be delivering letters and packages.”

Erik nodded. “It’s a start!”

“Yeah. And it is apparently your childhood dream.” she said. Then frowned. “But it can’t have been your childhood dream. You’re 30. We weren’t active back when you were a kid.”

Oh, shit. Diversion! Quick! A diversion!

“Look what I can do!” Erik said, waving his hands theatrically. He brought a metal stapler up in the air and reshaped it in such a way that it was now decorated with a flying bird.

“Oh! This is so pretty!” the woman exclaimed. “I love it! Do more, do more!”

Erik spent the rest of the interview decorating metal office appliances. He even gathered a crowd around him. Soon they were all showing off their own mutations and Erik finally felt like a part of something. He was not alone. He was at a place where mutation was considered beautiful and exceptional. He was home!

“What’s all this commotion?” came a familiar voice from the back of the crowd. “I thought we were supposed to kick ass.”

Erik dropped his metal, freezing in place. It was Mystique!


	2. Chapter 2

After years of admiration, bordering on obsession, Erik was finally meeting his hero! The other mutants made room for her as she walked towards him, seemingly in slow motion, although some part of Erik’s brain did consider the possibility that Erik was simply imagining it that way and she just walked towards him in regular speed. He swallowed. 

“Raven, this is Erik Lehnsherr. Our new mailman.” 

“Nice!” Mystique grinned at him and winked. “Welcome to the team!”

“Pleasure it for me is.” Erik stuttered, biting the inside of his mouth and cursing himself for being so stupid! 

Mystique chuckled brightly. “That’s a great Yoda expression!” she said, giving him a tap on the shoulder. 

He suppressed the part of his mind that went  _ OMG Mystique just tapped my shoulder!  _ and tried to look respectable. 

“You’re fun, Erik. Come, don’t be scared. I don’t bite unless you’re an anti-mutant racist bastard.” 

“No.” he grinned. “I’m not.” 

“You’re cool then. Come with me. I’ll give you the tour.” 

Mystique was giving him the tour!!! Erik walk hurriedly next to her. 

“Our organization is called  _ The Mystique Bunch _ , as you know, but some boring individuals still call it the Xavier Company. They say The Mystique Bunch doesn’t sound mature enough. Idiots.” 

“The Mystique Bunch sounds rad.” Erik agreed. 

Raven smiled at him. “Thank you! Exactly! That’s what I’ve been trying to tell everyone too. And it shows our character.” 

“And how you don’t let stupid boundaries limit you.”

“Yes.” Her smile grew warmer as she nodded approvingly. “You get us.” 

They kept walking, her pointing at different people every now and then and throwing a bunch of names at him. As they talked Erik realized that he and Mystique, or Raven as the others called her, were actually getting along pretty well. Some say don’t meet your idols, you will be disappointed. But Erik was not disappointed in Raven at all. She was all he expected her to be. At least for these almost two hours they spent together. 

Raven chuckled. “You know, I like you, Erik. I don’t usually greet all our mailboys so extensively. But you’re different, I can tell. I think you could be really good for this place.” 

“I intend to be.” Erik said firmly. He got a job at The Mystique Bunch! If he wanted to change the world, that’s where to start making a difference! By Raven’s side, surrounded with like-minded fellow mutants. Erik finally felt like he belonged. And it showed in his behavior. Of course he’d do the best he could to be of help to this place too! 

They were back where they started with their tour and Raven called the Mutant Resources lady again. 

“Theresa, you need to hire a new mailman. Erik’s gonna be my personal assistant, starting tomorrow.” 

Erik’s face lit up. Dreams do come true! 

~*~

Raven explained to him his responsibilities and gave him a few quick knacks which Erik took in like a sponge. 

“You have a place to live?” she asked and he shook his head. “Well, what are you waiting for? Go get yourself ready. I’ll tell Jubilee to help you look for something. We have nice flats in the area, too, in case you’re interested. People who support our causes and would go easy on the rent. Call it a discount for being a mutant brother.” 

“That’s amazing! I didn’t know you were helping mutants find homes too.” 

“Well, it was my brother’s idea back when he-- We don’t really make it that public but we do have lots of priorities, even if they don’t all end up in the papers. After all, we’re here mostly to help our mutant brothers and sisters, not just for publicity.” 

Erik nodded. She was helping regular mutants in any way she could! Without a reward, without praise! What a kind heart! What courage! He wanted to be like her! 

Erik spent the rest of the day apartment hunting with Jubilee. He then got to furnish it any way he wanted and pay for the things when he got his first paycheck! It was silly to be this excited about furnishing your own flat but Erik couldn’t help himself! It was a huge event for him! 

He started work the next day, bright-eyed and suited up in the new suit he got for himself especially for work. He had his own desk with a computer and a phone and a bunch of drawers. He had a chair. And a  _ Mutant and Proud  _ badge. He had one of those at home but it was great to have another here, given to him by Mystique personally! 

His co-workers seemed like cool mutants, nothing like his stupid schoolmates who bullied him or fought with him. Erik felt accepted and that made his work performance better as well. He had to answer phone calls and arrange Raven’s meetings, he had to collect the mail and inform her of what was going on had, he had to make sure no one got inside her office without an appointment. This last bit was really important because some had already tried stealing information or infiltrating the Bunch before while others more extreme haters would even go as far as harming the activists with weapons and homemade bombs. Erik was ready to stop anyone with a malicious intent from entering Raven’s office. 

But what he was most pleased about was that Raven gave him freedom. She said he could write articles on whatever mutant-related topics he chooses and they would get published! She was interested in hearing his voice. So if he had ideas, he could freely express them and the team would actually discuss them, develop them, turn them to reality. It was amazing! His voice was heard. He talked and he was finally being listened to. That no doubt was the best part of being big! 

~*~

“Ehem.” 

Erik arched an eyebrow, glancing from behind his laptop screen. 

Some guy was smiling at him. Bright blue eyes, brown hair, big nose and cherry lips. Erik swallowed but frowned. 

“Hi.” the man said. He was probably in his late-20’s. “I’m looking for Raven? She won’t take my calls…” 

“Do you have an appointment?” Erik asked, unfazed. 

“Well, no…” the guy said with caution. “But I know for a fact that she’d be very angry to see me.” 

Another smile, more expectant this time. Apparently that was supposed to be a joke and Erik was supposed to laugh at it. Erik only frowned even more. 

“I’m afraid you’ll need an appointment in order to get a meeting.” he said. 

“Look, I’m Raven’s brother.” the guy said. “I come here almost every day.” 

“And I’m the queen of England.” Erik deadpanned. 

“Well, you’re looking good for an old queen.” the guy said, chuckling a little awkwardly. What a dork! 

Erik let out an exasperated -- and very obvious -- sigh. “Are you really going to waste more of my time? I have work to do, you know.” 

“That was not my goal, I assure you.” the man said, beginning to look more concerned now that he realized Erik meant business. “Just please, tell me when Raven will be back. I really need to see her soon.” 

“Here’s what we can do. Why don’t you leave a number and I’ll give you a call when she’s free. Okay? Good.” 

That said Erik looked back at the screen, returning to his work. 

The man stood there for another moment, seemingly confused. Although why was he confused Erik couldn’t fathom. He’d been quite clear in everything he told the persistent visitor.  

“You’re new here, aren’t you.” A statement not a question. Erik did not bother to give an answer. “See, I know you’re new because I know everybody in this building. And they all love me.” 

Still not a question. Erik still didn’t pay much attention to it. 

“You could say I’m a regular here.” the guy said. 

“A regular what? Pain in the ass?” Erik blurted out. The guy was interrupting his work  _ and  _ he could be anyone, coming here for God knows what! 

The  _ pain in the ass  _ pursed his lips. “Does the name Charles Xavier ring a bell?” 

Erik looked up from the screen again and met the guy’s expectant blue eyes. 

“No.” he said and returned to his typing. 

A groan. “Oh, come on! Surely you’ve heard of me!” 

Erik made a face as if thinking. “Charles Xavier.” 

“Yes!” the man nodded. 

“Raven’s older brother?” 

“That’s me!” he pointed at himself with both his hands excitedly. 

“A telepath.” Erik continued. 

Hesitation. “Yes?” 

“In a wheelchair…” The last words were accompanied by a poignant glance at the man’s legs which were very much functional. 

The guy paled. Erik smirked. 

Of course Erik had heard of Charles Xavier. Every self-respecting mutant had heard of Charles Xavier. Just no one had actually seen him because the man was such a recluse. There were only a few facts that were known about him. One of them being that two years ago he had an accident, an attack on his life by a human extremist group, that put him in a wheelchair for life. Xavier had always preferred to remain anonymous in his own charity work but after he lost his ability to walk, he hid himself away even more. This man could not be Charles Xavier, Erik knew this much. 

The visitor bit hard at his lips, almost drawing blood. “This is beginning to feel quite uncomfortable for me. Please, just call someone who can identify me so that I can see my bloody sister!” 

“I’m afraid I won’t tolerate that sort of language about my boss.” Erik said, the metal in the room beginning to vibrate threateningly. 

Charles, or whoever this guy was, looked around nervously. “What the--” 

“You can leave your phone number and your real name with me and you will be contacted in due time. But I would kindly ask you to leave now.” Erik said sternly. 

The man’s full cherry lips were a tight line now. “Very well.” he said. “But Raven won’t be pleased about this. She won’t find it funny! At all!” 

~*~

“That was the funniest story I’ve ever heard!” Raven gasped, her entire body shaking with laughter. 

“Surely not  _ the  _ funniest…” Charles muttered. 

“Funniest EVER!” Raven seemed unable to stop. Charles was beginning to regret he ever mentioned the thing to Raven at all. 

“Who is he anyway?” he frowned. 

“My new assistant.” Raven said smiling and trying to get her breath back after all the wild laughter. “He’s brilliant. Filled with great ideas too. So passionate about mutant rights, it’s perfection. Also pretty good looking, eh?” she winked. 

“I didn’t notice.” Charles lied. “So. You hired him and now he’s your bulldog? He’s very protective of you, darling.” 

“Well, he should. What with all those shifty characters seeking appointments with me.” She grinned. 

Charles gaped at her. “Is that what he told you about me!?” 

“He said a shortish awkward guy with lipstick and blue eyes was very insistent to see me.” 

“I resent that! I do  _ not  _ wear lipstick!” Charles gasped. 

This only made Raven burst into another fit of laughter. “Maybe I shouldn’t tell him who you are just for the laughs of him throwing you out whenever you come visit!” 

“Raven, you wouldn’t!” Charles all but pouted. It was hilarious. 

“Fine, fine.” Raven rolled her eyes with an amused grin. “I’ll introduce you if you want to meet him so badly.” 

“I just want to be able to see you without being threatened with metal!” 

“Riiight.” she gave him a knowing nod. “You’ve noticed his bum, haven’t you? Piece of art.” 

Charles hadn’t, in fact, noticed it. But he made a mental note to do so in future. 

~*~ 

“Hi. Remember me? Charles. Raven’s brother.” 

And he was back! Right there in front of Erik’s work desk. Did he always smile like that? Doesn’t he ever get tired of being awkwardly polite? 

“Oh, right. Erik Lehnsherr.” he shook Charles’ hand. “Raven told me who you are. I didn’t let you in because I expected you to be…” 

“In a wheelchair.” Charles said, his smile only faltering a little bit before he willed it back to pleasantly welcoming. 

“Well, yes. I read about your accident in the papers.” He had indeed. Although Raven always avoided the subject in the interviews Erik had seen. Her brother sort of disappeared from the public eye after the incident. Not that he ever was much of an attention seeker. Erik hadn’t seen even one decent picture of him online. He always managed to hide, somehow. Was he using his mutation to do avoid the paparazzi?

“Miracles of medicine.” Charles said and waved it off. 

“I’m sorry.” Erik felt like he had to say that. It was a delicate topic for the man, evidently. 

“It’s alright. It’s good to know you’re protecting Raven like that. It’s really dangerous out there.” Charles smiled at him, tilting his head a bit. 

“No, I meant, sorry for bringing up the wheelchair.” Erik clarified. “I am not apologizing for throwing you out the other day. You deserved it.” 

“I see you’re still as charming and friendly as ever.” Charles observed, amused. 

Erik glared daggers. Charles sighed. 

“May I see Raven now?” he went straight to the point. 

“No.” Erik said. 

“Oh, come on! Why not this time!?” 

“She’s not here…” 

“I don’t believe you.” 

“Well, she isn’t.” 

“She’s always here at this time of day, I know that for a fact. I really do come here, often, y’know. You’re lying to me.” Charles insisted. 

“She has a meeting today. A very important one.” Erik said. “It’s-- we’re starting a new program.” 

“Oh?” 

“Yes. A mutant anti-bullying program.” 

Charles instantly calmed down. “That sounds splendid.” 

“Thank you.” 

“Why are you thanking me again?” 

“It was my idea.” 

“Oh?”

“Yes, I always thought the current system needs improvements. It’s basically non-existent and offers no protection whatsoever. People have to learn to respect one another’s differences from a young age.”

Charles arched an eyebrow. “You’ve only just got here and you’re already making a change. Impressive.” 

“I share my thoughts with Raven and she seems to like them.” Erik replied. 

“Surprisingly modest. I didn’t expect that.” Charles chuckled. 

Erik frowned. “Are you mocking me?” 

Charles’ face brightened up even more. “Not at all. I’m glad you’re so dedicated. It’s a good thing.” 

He sounded genuine so Erik nodded. He still had mixed feelings about that guy. He expected Raven’s brother to be different, serious and boring. The Charles Xavier he met was too sweet and too blue-eyed and too… Erik didn’t know the word he was looking for but Charles was just  _ too _ . He needed to stop because it was making Erik want to jump on top of him and crash him with his weight, for some reason. 

“Well, I’ll wait for her here then.” Charles said. “I’ll make myself some tea. Do you want anything?” 

Erik shook his head no. 

Charles nodded. “Okay.” 

He returned a couple of minutes later with a paper cup of tea and settled down on one of the chairs. 

Silence spread throughout the room and usually Erik would approve of it -- letting him work in peace -- but for some reason this time he didn’t like it. He couldn’t concentrate back on what he was writing and Charles was right there distracting him. Again! 

Erik had questions. So he decided to ask them. 

“I heard you had quite a lot of charities, mutant-oriented shelters and help centers.” Erik said. He had heard stuff from the others in the Bunch, too. 

“Oh. I guess.” Charles shrugged.

“But you mostly stay anonymous.” Erik continued, pretending he hadn’t noticed Charles’ obvious reluctance to discuss this. “Why is that?” 

“I don’t like bringing attention to myself.” Charles replied.

Erik would assume it was because of the attack two years ago but Xavier was already pretty low key before that too. So it must just be a personal choice. 

“Sometimes it’s necessary to have attention in order to make a difference.” Erik stated. 

“But I managed to make a difference without bringing attention to myself.” Charles gave him a charming smile. “See? There’s always a way.” 

Well, that was true. Erik nodded approvingly. “There’s always a way.” he repeated. 

They spent the rest of the afternoon waiting for Raven to return and sharing their opinions on different mutant-related topics. Turned out they had a lot in common but at the same time a lot of clashes of views too. Charles was defender of a more subtle calmer approach, whereas Erik was all fire and rage. But strangely enough their differences only made their conversation more interesting for Erik. 

“You sound just like my sister.” Charles chuckled. 

“No wonder. She’s my hero. She shaped most of my views.” 

“Really? She did?” Charles tilted his head with a puzzled smile. “You sound like someone who’s held onto his opinions for quite some time now.” 

Erik realized the slip. He was 30-something now. He couldn’t say Raven shaped his opinions when he was a kid because… well, Raven was younger than him. 

“I meant, she represents my views very well. That’s what I meant.” he corrected. 

“Oh. Well, yes, I suppose that’s true. She is quite… representative.” Charles chuckled again, drinking his tea. 

“Working with her is like a dream come true.” Erik said, heartfelt. 

Charles smiled. “I’m glad it is. But from what I see and what I hear, you’re quite the firecracker yourself.” 

Erik grinned. “So are you, although a bit hidden away. Quietly shining. Making noise without showing your light.” 

Charles propped his chin on his hand. “Hmmm, you think I shine?” 

The phone rang so Erik had to attend to that. When he turned back to Charles Raven had just arrived, sharing her euphoria about the new program. 

She praised Erik for his initiative,ideas and determination. His proposals were going to make sure kids like Azazel or Alzador’s children don’t get hurt or scarred for life. That they had a chance at a decent life. It started from childhood and it was an issue that needed to be dealt with. It was the first step towards changing the world!


	3. Chapter 3

Erik felt good about being a part of something as important as his new project. He spent most of his free time either working on it. It turned out voicing your ideas wasn’t the hardest part. Fighting for them and making others not only hear but actually do something about it, that was even more difficult. And Erik was learning this new lesson the hard way. Meetings and discussions, working more and more. He never took a day off, dedicating his every second to making this possible.

“You work too much.” He heard Charles’ voice and lifted his head instantly up.

“What? What do you mean?”

“It’s Friday and it’s late and you’re still here.”

“What are you talking about? It’s only--” he glanced at the clock on his computer. “Oh.”

“Yep. It’s after midnight.”

Erik frowned. “I had a few things to finish up.” he insisted stubbornly.

“You are a workaholic, Erik.” Charles said fondly. “It’s a great goal but you need to rest too.”

“Why?”

“Pardon?”

“Why do I need to rest? What I’m trying to do matters. No one else is going to do it if not us. I’m good at it. Why should I rest? If anything I should not rest until I get it done! While I still have the chance…”

Charles was silently frowning at him. “Um. I agree with you. Of course. But overworking yourself won’t make your brain more productive.”

“You sound like my mother.” Erik mumbled.

Charles chuckled. “Your mother sounds like a really intelligent woman. You should listen to her.”

A shadow passed over Erik’s face. He blinked rapidly and returned to staring at the laptop screen.

“I only have one more thing to check. A senator that could support us officially and--”

“You get your five more minutes, but after that, bedtime!”

Erik rolled his eyes stubbornly but the edges of his mouth were curling up on their own accord.

Five minutes later Erik turned off the computer and prepared for leaving.

“There. Happy now?” he told Charles.

Charles nodded. “Mhm. Much better.”

They walked towards the exit together.

“What are you doing in here this late anyway?” Erik asked.

“Same as you.” he shrugged. “I think Jean Grey’s your woman.”

“She’s not a senator.” Erik said, keeping the door open for Charles to walk out first.

“She’s not a senator now. But she will be. I think there’s a pretty good chance for that.”

“She’s a mutant and I’m sorry to say that, Charles, but people distrust telepaths.”

Charles sighed. “I know. But I also know she’s a decent human being who’s actually saved lives. And I mean, literally. That crashing building incident, remember? It raised her popularity.”

Erik considered it. “That’s a good point. We should talk to her.”

“She’s already pro-mutant, obviously. It’s simply a matter of--”

“-- getting her on our side officially.”

Charles nodded with a smile. “Exactly. And I have a few humans in the Senate that I know are pro-mutant.”

“What!?” Erik’s eyes went wide. “Seriously?”

“Oh, yes. They’ve been… concerned about making those views public but I think if someone really eloquent and really passionate talks to them, they’ll see things in a different… _light_.”

“You don’t mean--”

“I mean you should talk to them and enlighten them.”

“But I’ve never-- I mean, I mostly write articles and figure out things behind the scenes and--”

Charles was tilting his head. Those blue eyes were making Erik stutter.

“-- I don’t get along well with people, okay? I-- I’m awkward. When I’m not angry, when I shouldn’t shout at them, I can’t really explain things so well. Unless it’s in written form.”

Charles took Erik’s hand in his and gave him a warm smile. “I know you have it in you. I know you have the makings of a remarkable public speaker. You are a leader in your heart, Erik. I have no doubt your words would inspire.”

Maybe Charles used his telepathy to soothe Erik or something like that but suddenly Erik felt much calmer. He smiled back at Charles and gave his hand a gentle squeeze.

“Thank you.”

“Just don’t yell at them that they’re stupid humans and you’ll be fine.” Charles teased.

Erik rolled his eyes amused. “I’m not _that_ terrible, am I?”

“No… not that terrible at all…” Charles said quietly, more to himself than to Erik.

Erik realized that all the while during their conversation he was walking home and Charles was sort of tagging along. Erik didn’t mind the company. He spent a lot of time with Charles these weeks. In fact he loved hanging out with Charles. Charles was fun and interesting and it didn’t hurt that he was also pretty cute. Erik could discuss serious topics with him and feel intellectually challenged by Charles’ equally stubborn opinions; he could joke with Charles or even tease Charles when he was feeling like a 14-year old again; he could just read the news with Charles by his side, they didn’t even need to talk sometimes. Charles was very much becoming Erik’s best friend. Erik had even shared with Charles things he never thought he’d be able to tell anyone. Things like how hard it was for him when his father died, how much he wanted to make his mother happy and how frustrating and painful it was to be bullied at school. Charles on the other hand shared stuff with Erik too. About his own lonely childhood, about finally having Raven and what a joy that was, about his accident -- although he didn’t get into details about that. He told him how often he felt lost in the dark. Alone. Erik wanted to help him. Erik wanted to make the world a better place so that people as kind and good as Charles never feel lost, sad or alone ever again.

“Well, we got to my place.” Erik said, pointing at the building.

“You live pretty close to the office. I thought we’d have a longer walk.” Charles chuckled.

Erik shrugged. “I’m a workaholic, remember. I need to have my work place within close proximity.”

Charles laughed cheerfully. Surely the joke wasn’t _that_ funny!

“Want to come up with me?” Erik offered, realizing that they’ve been friends for almost a month now and they’ve never really been to each other’s houses yet.

It was late, a little after 1 am now, but Charles could come have a juice or something, use the bathroom before he goes home, that sort of thing.

Charles hesitated. Odd.

“You think this is a good idea?” he asked, blue eyes lifting up to gaze at him.

“Sure. Why wouldn’t it be? You’re a friend, not a stranger. I know you won’t kill me or something.”

They went upstairs. Charles following Erik silently. Too silently. Erik wondered what was with him all the sudden. Was he too sleepy?

They reached Erik’s flat.

“So. This is where you live.” Charles said, leaning at the doorframe as Erik used his mutation to pull out his keys.

“Yep.” Erik nodded.

“And you think I could… stay over?” Charles asked.

Erik blinked at him. “You mean sleep over?”

Charles chuckled amused. “Mmhm, I guess sleeping could be involved too.” he said, hand resting on Erik’s bicep, his thumb gently stroking circles there.

Erik glanced at Charles’ hand on his arm and shrugged. “Sure. But I’ll be on top.”

He unlocked the door to his flat and hurried inside, leaving it open for Charles to follow. “Charles? You coming?”

“Um, yeah!” he finally said and closed the door behind them. “And I don’t have a problem with that, by the way. You being on top.” He swallowed.

“Cool.” Erik said casually, taking off his coat and shoes. “Feel yourself at home.”

Only now did Charles actually take a look at Erik’s home. The inside of Erik’s flat was unlike anything he could ever imagine a flat could be. And yet it somehow it made perfect sense that this would be where Erik lived. It had his vibrant and determined personality written all over. Also it was quite fun and imaginative, unconventional, so to speak. Which again was Erik all over.  

“Those are _a lot_ of toys.” Charles remarked, looking around. The spacious flat was filled with games and figurines and a weirdly looking metal helmet-like thingy. Charles’ eyes stopped at the other side of the room. “Is that a _trampoline_?”

“Wanna try it?” Erik offered, climbing up on the trampoline -- for it was indeed a bloody trampoline! -- and kicking away a bunch of other plush toys and balls with his socked feet.

Charles didn’t know whether he should laugh or not. He shook his head quickly at Erik’s expectant look. “Noooo. That’s not-- my thing.” he said, taking a step back.

Erik leaned over and extended his hand to Charles. “Come on! Don’t be a chicken.”

Charles arched an eyebrow. “A chicken? Seriously, Erik, what are you, 5?”

“Nope, definitely not 5.” Erik said, hand still hanging in the air, waiting for Charles to take it. “So, what do you say, old man? Are you coming or are you boring?”

Charles bit down his lower lip and quickly kicked off his own shoes, grabbing Erik’s hand and climbing up on the trampoline as well.  

“I haven’t been on something like that since before my accident!” he gasped as Erik started jumping only slightly to make Charles feel it.

“You can make up for it now.” Erik said. “You have a second chance at walking, the least you could do is use your legs to the fullest.”

Charles nodded. “I guess that’s a good point…” he muttered, still struggling to keep his balance.

Erik dropped down on the trampoline, lying in one corner as if he were on a beach.

“Bounce.” he told Charles.

“Um, no.”

“Bounce.” He repeated, an amused toothy grin spreading across his face.

“You’re just lying there, watching me. That’s-- weird.”

“Oh, come on, Charles! I know you want it.” Erik said, teasingly and Charles felt that tingling sensation in the pit of his stomach again. “Bounce.” Erik encouraged him once again.

Charles made a small move, barely jumping on the trampoline. Erik rolled his eyes and got up to his feet again, taking both Charles’ hands in his.

“Fine. Let’s do it together.” he said and started bouncing lightly.

He set a slow rhythm and Charles followed it as he felt himself relaxing into this unusual for him activity.

“Ready to go faster?” Erik grinned that shark-grin and Charles nodded before even considering it.

They started bouncing harder and harder until Erik let go of Charles’ hands and Charles felt… _free._ A big grin appeared across his face and soon his eyes were sparkling, his hair was a mess of brown curls, his fancy suit was probably getting wrinkled but he couldn’t care less. They were grinning at each other, sweating and laughing as they jumped as high as the ceiling would allow. Charles couldn't remember the last time he felt so excited and carefree. He was bouncing on a trampoline with Erik, carefree and wild and nothing else mattered!

When they got tired of the trampoline Erik showed Charles a bunch of other ‘cool stuff’ but the one he was most proud of was a big metal chessboard with metal chess pieces that he had created himself. Charles was impressed. He’s always found Erik’s mutation fascinating but this was a work of art!

“It’s beautiful, Erik! Amazing!”

Erik smiled at him a bit shyly, a faint blush coloring his cheeks as he avoided Charles’ eyes and stared at his feet instead. There was something so vulnerable in Erik’s behavior at that moment that Charles felt the urgent need to wrap his arms around the other man’s waist and press his head to his chest. After a small hesitation Erik hugged him back, the two stayed like that in the middle of the large room full of toys.

“Let’s go to bed.” Erik whispered, gently pulling away from Charles.

Erik was different from everyone else Charles had ever met. Erik was special and brilliant and passionate and amazing. Erik was someone Charles could easily grow to love as more than a friend. And he already loved him a lot as it was, as a friend. Erik was a handsome man. The mere sound of his voice, telling Charles to come to bed, was enough to send a warm wave of excitement straight down to Charles’ loins.

It was late, almost 4 am, when Charles changed into the PJ’s Erik offered him, brushed his teeth with the spare toothbrush Erik gave him and went to Erik’s bedroom. There was a bunk bed there but Charles no longer found these things strange for Erik’s apartment. He lied down in the lower bed -- duh! he wasn’t climbing up and falling from that thing! -- and assumed a seductive pose as he waited for Erik to emerge from the bathroom and utterly ravish him!

Erik showed up from the bathroom, dressed in adorable PJ’s with magnets on them. Charles tried not to laugh because this was too cute! Typical Erik! He was so hard and stern on the outside but when you get to know him he turns out to be a teddy bear!

“Come to bed.” Charles smiled, tapping the place beside him, licking his lower lip without realizing it.

Erik rushed ahead and then… jumped on the upper bed.

Charles’ jaw dropped. “Um, Erik?” he asked puzzled. “Where did you go?”

Erik’s head showed up from the top bunkbed. He was grinning.

“Oh! You’re here!” Charles jumped startled.

“Yes.” Erik replied, still grinning. “You know, I’m glad you’re here.” he said. “And I’m glad I met you.” he continued. “And you’re really rad, Charles.”

“Aw, thank you, Erik, I-- I’m glad I met you too.” Charles blushed.

“Pick a hand.” Erik said, shoving both his fists near Charles’ face.

“How are you not falling from there?”

“Pick a hand!” Erik insisted.

Charles did.

“Hmm, pick the other one?”

Charles chuckled and pointed at the other fist. When Erik opened it there was a beautiful metal ring on it.

Charles didn’t know what to say.

“I laced the metal with some phosphorescent so it glows in the dark.” Erik said simply. “You’ll never get lost again.”

“Erik…”

“Don’t thank me.” Erik smiled. “I just love making you happy.”

Charles swallowed, the words warming his heart.

“Goodnight!” Erik said and his head disappeared back to the top bed again.

Charles put the ring on his finger and kissed it. Then curled up on himself, keeping the hand with the ring close to his heart and went to sleep with a smile on his face.

~*~  

“Where did you spend the night?”

“Um… What do you mean? At-- at home. I spent the night at home.”

“Oh? Are you sure?”

Raven’s voice sounded strange. Charles frowned at the phone.

“Why do you ask, Raven?”

“I’m your sister. It’s my job. So. Where were you?”

“I told you, at home.”

“You’re a terrible liar. You have a new home then, a home I don’t know about, because I went to your place this morning and you weren’t there.”

“I didn’t hear the doorbell?”

“I used my key.”

“Damn it, Raven! This key is for emergencies!”

“It was an emergency. You weren’t home! I was worried! You’re always home!”

Charles sighed. “You aren’t letting this one slide, are you?”

“You bet I’m not.” she insisted. “Were you _with someone_? Who!?”

“Raven, it’s nothing like that. Please, stop embarrassing me!”

“Is he still there?” her voice was a whisper in his ear but still loud enough to hear.

“Breakfast’s ready!” Erik called from the kitchen and Charles jumped startled. He had locked himself in the bathroom to answer Raven’s persistent phonecall.

“Be right there!” he called back and then hissed at Raven again. “This isn’t what you think it is. We’re just having breakfast. I’ll see you at work. Please, don’t talk about this anymore!”

“Oh, my God! Are you with Erik!?”

“Damn it, Raven!”

“You finally climbed that tall tree, you dog!”

“Stop that! You’re being really mean!” Charles gasped as quietly as he could. “It’s not like that with Erik and me.”

“Riiiight. You just spent the night with him.”

“We didn’t do anything! We were jumping on a trampoline, for God’s sake!”

“Jumping on a trampoline being a euphemism for--”

“Jumping on a trampoline! No euphemism! It was totally innocent.” he said and then added. “We’re friends. Nothing more.”

“Oh, it’s more. You just don’t know it yet. He’s besotted with you, Charles. His face lights up whenever anyone mentions your name, and he spends every free second of his days with you.”

“We’re friends.” Charles insisted.  

“You’re married. To each other. In case you didn’t get my meaning.”

Charles rolled his eyes. But then, “You really think he likes me?”

“I know he does.” She grinned.

Charles looked thoughtful for a moment. “Sometimes it feels like that but he’s never acted upon it… I’m not sure you’re right about this.”

“Well, keep your eyes open and find out for yourself then.” Raven beamed and then added philosophically, “Carpe diem!”

“I gotta go. Breakfast’s getting cold.”

“Oooh! He even cooks for you!” Raven cooed and Charles hung up.

He washed his face again and went to the kitchen where he and Erik had breakfast together, talking about everything and nothing.

~*~

Raven was looking at him funny all day. Erik wasn’t sure why. He couldn’t ask her either because they were swamped with work, which made her finding time to look at him funny even weirder.

When it was time to go she stayed late and so did Erik, feeling like she wanted to talk to him alone.

“Ah, Erik. You’re still here. Good.” she said. She knew well that he was usually the last to leave. So this wasn’t supposed to be surprising for her. “May I have a word?”

“Sure.” Erik replied.

“In my office?” she added.

“Sure.” Erik nodded and went to her office.

“Close the door.”

Erik did. For some reason he felt like he was at the Principal office right now, after a fight. Was he in trouble? What did he do? Was Raven upset with him? Why?

She sat down on her boss chair and looked too serious for Erik’s liking. Not like her usual self when she talked to him.

“Is everything alright? Did I do something?” Erik decided not to beat about the bush.

“You tell me.” Raven replied, with the voice of a Bond villain. “ _Did_ you do something?”

“Raven, you’re acting weird.” Erik said.

“It’s about my brother, Erik. I notice you and him are… close.”

“Charles is awesome.”

“Awesome, you say. Mhm. Awesome.”

“Yes? Raven, this is freaking me out.”

“Erik, I like you. You know I like you. But I feel like I need to tell you this, I’m sorry.”

He frowned. “Alright. I’m listening.”

“My brother, he-- he’s had a rough time, especially after the accident. He needs understanding. Care. He is not in the place for something meaningless. He won’t take well to that.”

Erik was not quite sure he followed but he nodded nevertheless. He didn’t want to interrupt Raven with stupid questions now.

“Are you serious about my brother?”

“Serious?”

“Yes. Are you?”

Erik’s puzzled look made her continue.

“I know you can be awkward when it comes to social skills. Just like Charles. So here’s what I mean. Do you like him?”

“I do! Of course, I do.” Erik said.

“Because if you don’t, if you’re not serious about this thing you two are having, tell him gently and let him move on, ok? Don’t toy with him. Just tell him if you don’t really like him. It won’t affect your work or anything. Just don’t lead him on.”

“Oh, I like him!” Erik insisted. Because he really did. He couldn’t imagine not having Charles in his life.

Maybe Raven saw something she approved in his eyes because she smiled at him, warmly, like he was family or a very dear friend. “That’s good then.” she said and the strange talk ended.

~*~  

They did it! They managed to start the mutant anti-bullying program, opened a special help center for it too. It received mostly positivity. They celebrated it with a special dinner outing. Erik could just get inside the bar without being asked for his age, without having to show an ID. It was _heavenly_! He found it really amusing when the guy in the front just let a 14 year old enter a bar without questioning him. It was an inside joke. And maybe a joke Charles got too, since Charles was a telepath so he probably knew anyway. They were both ignoring it. The fact that Erik was truly 14. Charles was really cool about it.

Erik didn’t like the bar as much as he expected. Those places always looked so mysterious and interesting from the outside but on the inside it was basically a bunch of grown-ups, getting drunk and dancing to loud music. Erik quickly got bored.

“LET ME BUY YOU A DRINK!” Charles shouted in Erik’s ear to make his voice heard despite the loudness inside.

Erik was most surprised that Charles would offer him drink. Could he even have drinks now that he looked 30?

“NO, THANKS.” Erik refused.

“WANNA DANCE?”

Erik shook his head. “NO, IT’S-- I DON’T REALLY LIKE IT IN HERE…”

Charles made a gesture with his head. “LET’S GET OUT OF HERE.”

Erik nodded. “OKAY!”

They were outside and Erik’s ears were still booming in beat with the music.

“Ugh! What was that!?” he gasped.

“I know… I don’t really like bars either. I like the drink there, though.” Charles chuckled.

Erik gave him a look.

“We could’ve danced, you know. Would’ve made it more bearable.”

“Nah, you’re probably a terrible dancer.” Erik teased.

Charles mocked offense. “I am not!”

“Terrible dancer.” Erik repeated.

“Excuse me, I happen to be very flexible!”

“Terrible. Dancer.”

“Why, I’ve never been so insulted--”

“You just confirmed it. You’re a terrible dancer.”

They were both grinning at one another.

“Sir, you are no gentleman.” Charles announced.

“And you, Charles, are no lady.”

“Oh, God! You’ve seen that movie too?” Charles beamed.

Erik frowned. “What movie…?”

“ _Gone with the Wind_! Have you read the book?”

“No….?”

“But you must have! That was a quote! And you just finished it!”

“A quote.”

Charles nodded.

“Why were you quoting me a chick flick?”

“It’s not a chick flick, it’s a classic!”

“It’s a chick flick in fancy clothes.”

“It deals with serious issues of--”

“Chick flick.”

“How can you know if you’ve neither read it, nor seen it?”

Erik huffed. “You got me there. But the movie’s like 4 hours long and the book is so thick.”

“So, long and big aren’t your thing?”

There was an odd gleam in Charles’ eyes all the sudden, unusual tone creeping in his voice. That confused Erik a bit but for some reason made his palms sweat at the same time.

“I dunno.” he muttered, feeling like the conversation went out of his depths.

“Maybe I should help you find out?” Charles offered, still looking at Erik kind of strange.

Erik swallowed. “Meaning?”

“We could go see the movie together.”

“Ah.”

“I could read you the book, of course, but that’s a really long term commitment. Since the book is so… _thick_.”

Erik nodded. “Obviously.”

“So, what do you say? My place? I have a big plasma TV, it’d be like we’re at the cinema.”

“Did you just invite me over?”

Charles nodded. “I guess I just did, yeah.”

“To watch _Gone with the Wind_?”

“Mhm.”

Weren’t grown men supposed to go ga-ga over watching sports together? Drinking beer and swearing like Stryker said his dad’s friends did every weekend? Erik was glad Charles and him didn’t have to do what other grown men did. Movie night sounded much better.

“Alright.” he said.

“Good. It’s a date.” Charles beamed and Erik was left even more confused.


	4. Chapter 4

Charles sent a car to pick up Erik for their movie night. Erik had stayed over with Azazel before. They used to play games and sometimes watch action movies, or pretending they were fighting for mutant rights. Of course that had always happened with Erik’s one and only friend back at home. It was weird for him to now have another friend to watch movies with. But he loved spending time with Charles so he was pleasantly excited about it.

Charles opened the door with that same charming smile on his face that made him look adorable and dorky at the same time.

“You came!” Charles beamed and then added with a wink. “Hopefully not the only time this evening.”

It was a joke. Haha. Erik was embarrassed.

“Sorry, that was too forward of me. I’m just-- a bit nervous…” Charles confessed, taking Erik’s coat and hanging it. “Feel yourself at home! The TV’s in the living room which is straight ahead. I’ll bring food.”

“Okay. Thank you.” Erik said, suddenly feeling awkward. Charles chuckled at his reaction, probably unused to Erik thanking him about something.  

Erik stepped inside the living room. Charles had a spacy flat. It was bigger than Erik’s but it had less fun toys in it. The TV was really cool though! And there were books all over the place. Old, thick and heavy ones. The kind of books that used to gather tons of dust in the school library. It wasn’t the sort of flat where one could jump on trampoline but it was Charles’ and it had that cozy homey feeling about it which Erik liked.

Erik sat down on the couch in front of the TV, hands on his knees, back straight as an arrow. He was not sure what to do or how to behave and it was annoying because he had no idea why exactly he was nervous.  Social situations had always made him nervous -- he didn’t know what to do and craved the familiarity of a good mutant politics discussions -- but he’s rarely felt awkward around Charles before. What was so different about tonight?

Charles showed up with a tray of food and popcorn.

“I’m a terrible cook but a really devoted shopper.” Charles said as he put the tray on the table in front of the couch. “So this is something I bought. Please, admire my taste.”

Erik chuckled. “You’re funny.” he said.

Charles chuckled too. “You’re so polite with me this evening.”

“I dunno why. Must be your home.” Erik muttered with a shrug.

Charles sat down next to him, all flushed and smiling. There was a short silence that made Erik even more awkward.

“Soooo, where’s the movie?” Erik asked.

“Right. Yes. The movie. The reason we’re both here. Well, the reason _you_ ’re here. I’m here because I live here.” Another nervous chuckle. Charles was blabbering now. It was cute.

“Are you alright?” Erik asked, feeling like his own unexplained anxiety was leaving him at the sight of Charles’.

“I’m fine, I’m just… just… Ugh.” Charles groaned, covering his face with his palms. “I’m sorry, Erik. I’m not usually so clumsy and-- It’s just that I’ve, well, after the accident I haven’t-- y’know.”

He was looking at Erik again, waiting for him to say _Yes, of course I totally understand._ But Erik was frowning back, not quite following what Charles wanted to say exactly.

“I haven’t _done this_ after the accident.” Charles explained, making a face and nodding. “Nerves, I guess. I just sort of shut myself out and avoided-- _it_. You understand.”

Erik supposed he understood… “So you haven’t had friends over since your accident.” he said. It was not formed as a question but it totally was one.

Charles looked at him for a long moment and then exhaled with a smile of relief. “Yes. Yes, exactly. That’s it. Erik, I-- I admire the way you put things. It’s so-- well, there aren’t many people as thoughtful as you.”

“Thank you?”

Charles smiled at him, his hand tapping Erik’s thigh. “I’ll start the movie then. It might make us both feel less tense.”

And so he did. They watched it, ate a bit -- Erik really favored the popcorn more than anything else. Then Charles paused to bring some wine.

“Do you want a drink, Erik? Could relax us.”

Erik shook his head. “I’ve never tried alcohol in my life.” he said, suddenly feeling like a guilty student.

Charles laughed. “You’re something else.” he said fondly, pouring a glass. “Do you want to give it a try or…?”

Erik swallowed. “I don’t think that’d be a good idea. No.”

“Alright.” Charles put the glass and the bottle away. “Truth be told, I shouldn’t drink much either. After my accident I got a bit-- overboard with the habit.”

“You’re an alcoholic?”

“No! No… Well, denial! Ha.” Again with the nervous laughter. “But no. I stopped in time.”

“You shouldn’t drink then.” Erik said with feeling, placing a hand on top of Charles’ to comfort him. “It’s not who you are.”

Charles swallowed, blue eyes gazing up at Erik with something akin to amazement and gratitude. “Thank you, Erik. That’s really sweet of you to say.”

“It’s nothing…” Erik said and for a moment he felt like he was swimming in Charles’ eyes. Time had stopped and he had this strange urge to lean forward and-- “Can I use your bathroom?”

“Of course. It’s second door to the right.”

“Thanks.”

Erik sprang up to his feet and rushed to the bathroom. What was happening to him? His face was all flushed. He threw some cold water on it and tried to calm down again. Charles was his friend! His best friend out of all the people he’s met for the last two months. What was he doing!? Why was he suddenly-- This was _Charles_ ! He can’t think like _that_ about Charles!

When he returned Charles was lounging on the couch. He sat up when he noticed Erik.

“You can lie down. It’s fine. We’ll fit.” Erik said, taking his place in the end of the couch.

“Hmm, but I prefer it like… this.” Charles replied and snuggled close to Erik so that they were now cuddling. Charles lifted his head to look at Erik. “Is this okay?”

Erik gave a stiff nod. “Mhm.”

“You sure?”

Another one. “Mhm.”

“Shall I unpause?”

Erik nodded silently. Charles looked ahead again and turned the movie back on. Charles remained snuggled under Erik’s armpit, pressed near his side with his head resting on Erik’s shoulder, for the rest of the movie. _Gone with the Wind_ was a damn long movie! That’s most of what Erik noticed about it, really. He was too distracted by the pleasant scent of Charles’ hair, by the way he could feel Charles’ breathing, by the heat radiating from Charles’ body… He never snuggled with Azazel when they were watching a movie together. He never even thought about snuggling with Azazel. But with Charles… He was overcome with all sorts of strange emotions, he could definitely not pay attention to the actual movie! Erik was no fool. He knew Charles was the reason for his desperate heartbeat and the way he could feel he was sweating on all kinds of awkward places. He didn’t know if he should tell Charles to move or not. His proximity was making him feel like he could lose control any moment so logically he had to stay away. But he didn’t want to stay away! He wanted to be close to Charles and feel even more of these strange feelings. The truth was, he didn’t know what to do.

Charles stirred a little and turned off the TV. Only now did Erik notice that the movie had ended.

“Well?” Charles lifted his gaze up, the edges of his lips curled up. “Was that as good for you as it was for me?”

“It was-- better than I expected.” Erik replied. His voice sounded hoarse from being silent this long. At least Erik thought that was the reason.

“Hmm, told you so.” Charles yawned and his head returned back on Erik’s shoulder. “I remember I had the biggest crush on Rhett Butler when I was a kid.” Charles giggled slightly. His hand was resting on Erik’s chest now, tracing idle shapes there. “Did you have an embarrassing crush on a fictional character back in your day?”

“Um…”

Erik’s hesitation made Charles look up curiously. “Erik! You’re blushing! This is adorable!” Charles beamed. “I didn’t think you were this shy!”

“I’m not shy.” Erik muttered.

“Mhm. Whatever you say.” Charles said but he was still smirking, the cheek! “So tell me who was it?”

“Why do you ask?”

“I want to know if you have a type.”

“And why would that even accomplish?”

“I want to know if _I_ am your type.”

Erik swallowed again. Charles was flirting! Erik wasn’t imagining it, Charles was _really actually_ flirting!

“You’re flirting with me.” he heard himself gasp, heart beating even faster.

Charles pulled away from the warm snuggle and looked a bit confused. “I am. Have been for a while now…” he paled. “Is it not-- Are you not interested?”

What was the appropriate answer to that question? “Well, I--”

“Oh, my God! You’re not interested! And I just-- I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! I misunderstood. I-- Shit. Are you straight? We just never talked about this and-- Are you?” Erik opened his mouth to reply but Charles was already waving his hands about. “No, don’t tell me. It doesn’t matter. You don’t have to be straight to turn me down. I’m sorry, I’m just an idiot. Sorry!”

“Charles, what--”

“You actually came for the movie.” There was wonder in Charles’ eyes. As if the idea that someone would genuinely just come to watch a movie with him without any hidden agenda was completely impossible.

Erik felt like he was caught in a hurricane and couldn’t get out of it so he was just spiring and spirling wherever the wind took him like a helpless feather. Charles was sitting far away now, too far away, and all Erik wanted was to somehow go back to cuddling. To turn the time back to the moments when Charles was snuggled with him. But he didn’t know how to do that. And words seemed impossible at the moment.

“You can leave, if you want to. Of course, you can leave.” Charles said, looking down at his hands awkwardly. “I’m sorry I wasted your time.”

“You didn’t!” Erik finally said. “I had a great time.” Even though it was weird and confusing, Erik really did have a great time. Right before things got even stranger.

“So we can still be friends?” Charles asked a little sheepishly. There was hope in his eyes.

“I hope we can.” Erik replied.

“Do you want that? You and me to be friends?”

“I want--” he sighed annoyed at his incoherence. “I don’t know what I want…”

Charles shifted in his seat. “Maybe we should take some time off? And then try to be friends again? See where this goes?”

Sounded like something Erik should agree with. There was some kind of logic in it. But why did they even have to take time off? Erik didn’t want that! He knew he wanted Charles in his life. He didn’t need time to know it. His feelings were all over the place and he didn’t know how to express them with words.

Charles was waiting for his answer.

“Yes.” he said, regretfully. “Alright. Whatever you want.”

Charles inhaled silently. He didn’t seem pleased with Erik’s answer, more like resigned.

“Alright.” he said. “And thanks. Because I really like you and I’m a bit rusty on the whole dating thing… not that I ever was a pro. I was kind of silly really.”

“You mean you’re not silly anymore?” Erik arched an eyebrow. Teasing Charles was a familiar territory. Erik was desperate to get back to a familiar territory!

Charles chuckled with an eye roll but he still seemed quite emotional. “See, I don’t know why I invited you here. You’re so rude to me.”

There was no malice in the words. In fact, Charles sounded quite fond.

“Why did you invite me then?” Erik asked.

Charles blushed. “You know why…”

“Tell me.” Erk needed some clarity. It was so annoying the way grown-ups never said things to the fullest, always in riddles and beating about the bush. Erik wasn’t sure, he needed to know! His eyes were fixed on Charles, not missing one breath Charles took.

Charles was still blushing. “Because I think you’re lovely?”

Erik shifted closer. “Are you telling me or asking me?”

Charles blushed even more under Erik’s penetrative gaze. “Telling you, I think.” he bit his lower lip and their eyes met.

Erik had this strange feeling again and this time he recognized it for what it was. He wanted to kiss Charles. 

He’d always suspected girls weren’t his thing but until now he never felt so strongly about someone. Let alone to have that someone looking at him like that, wanting him in return. Erik harbored this lowkey crush on Charles for most of the time he knew Charles. But he never expected it to go anywhere. Like he liked James McAvoy from afar but never expected James McAvoy to actually like him back! He knew it was impossible so he tried to ignore it as best as he could. But now Charles seemed to _want this too_ and that changed _everything_! Charles who was funny, dorky, awkward and adorable, and on top of it, great to have a conversation with. Yes, Erik was technically not perfectly honest with Charles, but Charles was a telepath. He probably knew about what happened with Erik after that fair.

His brain was hurting but he needed to say something, needed to not lose Charles.

“Ch-charles…” Erik whispered and leaned in, eyes looking down at Charles’ cherry lips. He swallowed as Charles held his breath and then, deciding to not be a chicken, Erik pressed their lips together.

Charles was very still for a moment, as if having trouble believing this was really happening. Like he was feeling the same way Erik did. Then he started kissing back and that was… wow!

Kissing was… wow! Kissing was neat! A bit messy… but neat! And Erik thought… Erik thought it was neat! Charles was-- well, wow! Charles. Erik’s thought process was admittedly not at its best at the moment.

Charles was kissing back, hungry and needy, his hands pulling Erik closer as he straddled him with his thighs. They were so close to one another, it was almost distracting Erik from all the kissing. Ah. Well, yes. Of course. It all went hand by hand, didn’t it?

Erik felt a little inept. His inexperience was probably showing. He felt terribly clumsy! Charles probably noticed that too. Charles probably _hated_ this! Erik was most likely doing it wrong! Charles probably already regretted kissing Erik!

Charles pulled away, panting. His lips were swollen and even more red than usual and his cheeks were flushed a pleasant shade of pink.

“I’m sorry! It’s been so long, I might be a bit-- inept.” he said.

Erik chuckled. “I was just thinking the same thing about myself.” he said. “I thought you hated it.”

“Hate it? I _love_ it! You’re-- You’re a very gorgeous man, Erik!” Charles blushed some more, his fingers nervously unbuttoning Erik’s shirt. “I liked you from the moment I saw you.” His hands slipped over Erik’s chest, the touch sending thrills of excitement all over Erik’s body.

“Well, I’m relieved you think that!” Erik grinned like a fool. “I really liked you too.”

Charles gave him a look. “You threw me out when we first met.”

“I don’t let people get near me easily.” Erik replied. “I can’t help that. Besides, it was my job.”

“Why are we talking?” Charles crashed their mouths together again, hungry for Erik’s lips.

A little shift sparked delicious friction and Erik felt his hips twitching up on their own volition. He stilled. “Sorry! I’m sorry!”

“Oh, it’s perfect! Keep going!” Charles muttered. “You’re perfect!” He started rocking against Erik rhythmically, as he kept kissing down Erik’s neck.

Erik shivered. Charles’ hands were roaming over his shoulders and chest and it was so overwhelmingly enjoyable! Charles seemed to really like Erik’s shoulders and chest. He appeared to favour those places most of all. Well, he still hadn’t seen the surprise Erik had inside his pants! When Alzador made him big he really did make him _big_.

“God! I can’t believe this is happening!” Charles gasped, far too gone to think straight.

“Me too!”

“I want to do _everything_ with you! Everything!”

“O-okay!”

Charles pulled away from kissing Erik all over so that he’d be able to ask, “What do you want?”

“Huh?”

“What do you want? Just tell me. Any fantasy. Anything.”

“Well, I-- um, I’m not sure…” he stuttered foolishly. Damn it! He wanted things! But how does one put them into words? This was his first time, damn it, he didn’t know what to ask! He just _wanted_. “Can’t you just look inside my head and pick something?” he finally heard himself say.

Charles stilled for a moment. He blinked a bit rapidly. “Um, Erik. I don’t have my telepathy. I thought you knew.”

“What? No… Why?”

“It’s-- Nobody told you? Not Raven? Not… anyone?”

Erik shook his head. Nobody told him. Nobody even talked about Charles’ accident or Charles’ mutation. They were like unmentioned forbidden topics. If Charles couldn’t read his mind then… Well, that explained why Charles was on top of him now. Charles didn’t know.

“What happened to your telepathy?” he asked worriedly.

“The treatment for my spine affects my DNA and-- I can walk but I can’t…” he made a gesture with his fingers that apparently was supposed to represent mindreading. Or fingering. Or something.

Erik grimaced, almost disgusted. “You sacrificed your powers so that you could walk?”

Charles inhaled. “This is a private matter and a personal choice.”

“Your tongue was in my mouth. How much more personal do you want us to get before you tell me stuff like that?”

“Erik, please… this has nothing to do with how I feel about you.”

“You became one of them, Charles! You sold us out!” Erik pushed him off of himself.

Charles curled up on himself, biting his lip viciously. “Yeah, well, you don’t know anything about it! You weren’t in my shoes! You can’t judge me!”

“I know there are mutants out there with visible mutations who get mistreated, ridiculed, bullied and discriminated! Yours was hidden! You were safe! A rich, white mutant who looked like _a human_! You were living a charmed life compared to other mutants! They hurt every day! They’re mistreated! And yet they don’t take suppressants to fit in. They stand true to who they are and face whatever’s thrown at them! They’re not cowards like you!”

Charles’ face was red. His eyes were filled with tears but he stubbornly refused to let them slide down his cheeks. He was chewing at his bottom lip nervously, his eyebrow twitching slightly.

“Get out.” he said. “I want you out of my flat.”

“Fine! Don’t think I want to stay in your stupid hideout anyway!”

“OUT!” Charles cried.

Erik grabbed his coat and left, not even bothering with buttoning his shirt back. He’d do that on his way down. For now he just wanted to get out of here.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for Charles' alcohol problem and depression, mostly as a flashback.

_ 2 years ago…  _

 

“Charles? Charles! No, you don’t!” She pulled the bottle out of his grip. “You can’t keep doing this to yourself!” 

“ ‘f course I can.” he slurred. 

“Look at yourself! You’re blind drunk!” she put the bottle away and knelt down in front of him. “Charles, I need you to listen to me.” Charles was still trying to hide his face from her but she persisted. “Listen to me!” he looked up. “I know what happened was terrible but you cannot keep doing this to yourself. You have a whole life ahead of you!” 

He shook his head. “I have nothing ahead of me.”

“That’s not true. You’re strong. You can survive this. Please. I know you can deal with this.” 

“You don’t mean that.” Charles said, laughing bitterly. “I can read your mind, Raven. Remember? You pity me…” 

“That’s not it! That’s really not it! And stay out of my head!” she sprang up to her feet again, lips pursed. 

He laughed again, until it suddenly turned into desperate sobs. He couldn’t breathe. He was gasping for air and crying at the same time, his whole body shaking. Raven was terrified.

“Charles!” She gasped, dropping back down to her knees again and wrapping her arms around him. She didn’t know how to help. She didn’t know what to do. She just wanted to ease his pain. She wished she could. But there was no easy way here, was there? “I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!” she whispered, pressing kisses to his damp with sweat hair and his forehead. 

“He’s dead, Raven.” Charles managed, his words muffled as he was pressing his face into her shoulder. “He’s dead because of me!”

“It’s not because of you. It wasn’t your fault!” she insisted, stroking the back of his head. 

“He’s still dead though…” 

“I know…” 

“Let me drink. Please. I can’t bring him back, I can’t walk, at least give me this. Give me the chance to drown my pitiful sorrow and let me forget. I want to forget.” 

Raven shook her head. “I can’t do that, Charles.” she said, feeling like a really shitty person for denying him this one consolation at a time like this. “Alcohol is not the answer.”

“It is, it is.” Charles kept mumbling. 

“Remember mother!” 

That had the expected effect. Charles pulled himself together, somewhat. 

“You don’t want to be like her, do you?” 

He swallowed. “She started drinking after father died.” he said, face dead. “I understand why she did it now.” 

“Charles!” 

“I’m not strong enough to endure this, Raven. I was going to propose to him.” he sniffed. “We were on our way to the restaurant and I was going to propose to him there! If only we stayed at home! He wanted to stay at home. He said he didn’t need fancy restaurants, he just wanted to be with me!”

Charles burst into tears again, crying bitterly. Raven could feel his sadness, ripping through her, sending her to a pit of despair. It took her a moment to realize this pain wasn’t her own. It was mixed with someone else’s pain. Charles’. He was projecting his own emotions to her. He was probably projecting to the whole building. Or, knowing his range, maybe even to the whole neighborhood. His control usually never slipped but with him drinking day and night it wasn’t that surprising that he lost control. He was ruining himself. 

“Charles?” Raven uttered quietly, awkwardly. There was no easy way to tell him this. But she had to warn him. He wouldn’t consciously want to make everyone sad with his own trauma. “Charles, you’re projecting…” 

He grimaced, more tears falling down his eyes. His hands went up to his head as his face twisted in pain. He cried out. “Well, I can’t stop this, can I? It won’t bloody listen!” “Just relax and--” 

“I’m bloody tired of this! I’m tired of all of this!  can’t take it! I want it to end, Raven! Make it end!” 

“Charles, you’re a powerful telepath. You can do this.” 

“With all my powers I couldn’t sense those bastards in time to prevent the accident.” 

“They wore helmets, Charles. There was nothing you could’ve done.” 

“ _ I felt him dying, Raven. _ I  _ felt  _ him  _ die _ . They were after me and  _ he  _ was the one to die…” 

“Alex loved you very much, Charles--” 

“Fat lot of good that brought him!” 

“-- he wouldn't want you to torture yourself like this.” 

Charles shook his head, closing his eyes. “Well, he’s gone. So does it even matter?”

Raven sighed and hugged him again. 

After a while Charles was asleep in her eyes, exhausted and broken. The grip of his mutation slowly subsided. 

It’s been three months since the attack. Three months since Alex died. A part of her couldn’t shake off the unpleasant feeling that she somehow provoked the incident. Her big mouth had earned the Xaviers a lot of enemies, some of them violent. Still she never expected a human extremist group to go after Charles, shoot at his car and cause a car crash. She never saw that coming. Charles who had nothing to do with Raven’s more vocal activism. Charles who always supported coexistence and peace. Charles who always did his best to understand each side. He was the one who had to pay the price for Raven’s convictions and for people’s hatred. The human extremists wanted to hurt her and they hurt her alright. Seeing her brother so miserable injured her more than if that attack were on her own life. 

And Alex? Charles was in love. Happily in love. Alex had the misfortune of being in that car too and now he was dead because of it. They told Raven he spent his last moments trying to shield Charles from the bullets as the car flew off the road. Alex’ last action was to protect her brother. If it wasn’t for him Charles would’ve probably been dead too now. And she’d have two deaths to mourn. 

But a part of Charles died with Alex in that car. And Raven knew that. She knew it’d be hard to recover for him but she still hoped that time would heal him. Time wouldn’t heal his spine, of course, but hopefully his heart. In one fateful evening Charles lost everything: his love, his legs, his hope. 

She looked down at him. His head was resting in her lap while she was still stroking his head as if he were a cat. It was good he was sleeping now. If only sleep could bring him peace… 

~*~

_ Now…  _

 

Going to work after what happened the previous day felt a bit awkward. Facing Raven felt awkward too although she seemingly knew nothing of what transpired between Charles and him last night. Erik couldn’t shake this guilty feeling though. Oh, he was mad at Charles. That hadn’t changed. He was  _ very  _ mad at Charles! Charles let him down. He disappointed Erik. Over time Erik had put Charles on a sort of a pedestal and now suddenly the spell was broken and he saw Charles for who he actually was -- a weak scared man who’d rather spend his whole life hiding than face his issues, a man who’d give up his mutation. Erik felt betrayed. But at the same time he felt bad for yelling at Charles. It just felt wrong. Like it’d feel wrong to yell at his mother. 

When Charles didn’t show up for work that day Erik tried not to wonder what he was doing. He shouldn’t care. Not after the abominable knowledge that he had uncovered about Charles’ actions! Obviously he could no longer be friends with Charles. Not after that new information! His mind briefly wandered to the way it felt to be kissed by Charles, the excitement of holding Charles. But he quickly shook that off, willing himself to ignore such trivial things. This was far more important! Did Raven even know her brother was suppressing his mutation!? She probably did. But why in the name of everything that’s holy would she tolerate that? Erik was very confused. 

But he was definitely mad at Charles, that much he knew. He was soooo mad at Charles! 

The mail guy brought a new parcel for Raven and Erik went to the office to hand it to her. He couldn’t help the sulky expression on his face but luckily Raven was too busy to notice. 

“Thanks, Erik.” she said, looking at her laptop screen, reading the latest news. 

Erik still hung in there though, over her head like a grumpy cloud. She lifted her head, arching an eyebrow in a silent question. 

“Have you heard from Charles today?” Erik asked awkwardly. His voice sounded terribly small in his own ears. He hated it. And why was his heart beating like that in his chest? He didn’t care. He was mad at Charles. Remember? He was very mad at Charles.  

“Um, not really.” Raven shook her head. “He texted me earlier, saying he’s not feeling well so he won’t be coming today. Has a cold or something. Why?” 

Erik shook his head. “I was just wondering.” he mumbled and quickly rushed out of Raven’s office. 

He was so mad at Charles! Everything about Charles was so infuriating! Even now when he wasn’t around he still managed to make Erik angry. 

After work Erik went straight home. No hanging out with his best friend this time because his best friend was a traitor to the mutant cause! 

Oh, Erik was so mad at him! 

Was Charles okay? Did he really have a cold? 

Erik would punch his face if he could! 

Was he really ill or was he sad because of Erik’s words? 

A coward! Charles was a coward! 

Should Erik call and check up on him?

He deserved that stupid cold! 

What if it wasn’t a cold and Charles was just really, really upset? 

Charles  _ should  _ be upset after the way he rejected his mutant nature! 

But he wanted to walk again. It wasn’t easy to be in a wheelchair… 

Traitor! 

Erik was frowning angrily at the wall of his flat. His many toys and cool games were just gathering dust all over the place. He ignored them completely, not feeling like playing. The superawesome new laptop he got for himself wasn’t fun either. Erik was just… He was feeling down. He needed a hug. He closed his eyes and imagined his mother telling him that everything will be alright as she wrapped him into her warm embrace, making him feel safe. And in his mind her hand was on the back of his head again, gently stroking his hair like she used to. A tear fell down his cheek and he quickly wiped it away. He was no crybaby! He was no child either! Not anymore! He was a man now. He had to act like one! 

But who knew men cried too when they were sad?  

~*~

The next day  _ again  _ there was no sign of Charles and Erik was torn between getting  _ more  _ angry and being  _ really _ worried. 

“Is Charles alright?” he inquired as casually as he could. 

Raven gave him a look. “You should know better than anyone if Charles is alright or not. You two are always together.” she said a bit annoyed. She was on the phone, waiting to talk to a senator about Erik’s latest idea of how to pass mutant work equality legislation. She had no time for the man’s winning. 

Erik suppressed a sigh and looked awkwardly around Raven’s office. His eyes fell on the muted TV screen where news were showing 24/7. He paled. There, on the news, was his face. His  _ 14-year old  _ face. He even knew when this picture was taken! Underneath it the words   **M I S S I N G** were spelled with big letters in bold. 

Erik almost shrieked. He quickly turned off the TV causing Raven to arch an eyebrow at him once again. She covered her phone with one hand and said, 

“I don’t know what’s with you these days but we need to have a word when I’m done with this.” 

Erik nodded silently. 

“And turn my fucking TV back on!” she called after him. 

~*~ 

In retrospect he should’ve known that his mother won’t just leave things like that. She loved him more than anything and he knew she was tough and determined. Of course, she wouldn't leave things like that! She was making noise, looking for her baby. 

Erik wasn’t sure how he felt about that. On one hand, it was pleasant to be missed so much, it made him feel loved and appreciated; on the other, this was totally screwing up with his plans! If people somehow found out he was only 14 he had to kiss his dream of making a difference goodbye! He was making such good progress!! With the mutant anti-bullying program already in motion and with Raven taking firm action to get them to pass a mutant work equality law, Erik was on a roll! He’s already done more than most people did in their entire lifetime! He couldn’t throw all that away! He was changing lives! 

He had to protect his secret. But it also hurt him that his mother was worrying sick about him. He had to calm her down, let her know he was okay. 

He took out a piece of paper and a pen, determined to write her a letter. Once she saw his handwriting she’d have to relax. Right? But as he stared at the blank piece of paper no words came to him. He didn’t know what to write. He didn’t want to lie to her but he was well aware that telling the truth was not an option here. He tried that once and it ended with her throwing him out of their house. 

He put the paper away with a heavy heart, deciding he’d do it later. Some things were just too difficult to approach. 

~*~

“Erik, what’s wrong? You’re not yourself these days. And you look like hell.” Raven frowned. She looked genuinely concerned. 

“I feel like it too.” Erik sighed. He was still at work even though there was nothing for him to do there currently with all his hyper-performance. But he didn’t want to go back to his apartment and be alone with his thoughts. So the office it was. 

Raven’s frown deepened as if she could sense his low spirits. 

“Did something happen between you and Charles? Is that it?” she asked. 

A wave of anxiety washed over Erik’s body. “Why do you ask that?” 

“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because you two are usually inseparable but for the last two days you haven’t talked at all? Or maybe because Charles has gone radio silent while you’re acting weird as shit? I’d personally just call it intuition. But you take your pick.” 

Erik pursed his lips. 

“Well? Will you talk or need I make you?” 

Erik could easily avoid this talk despite Raven’s persistence. He knew she liked sticking her nose in her friends’ business but he also knew she’d never intrude on their privacy. Erik could easily tell her it’s personal and he wasn’t ready to talk to her about it and she’d leave it at that. But deep down Erik needed to talk to a grown-up. He needed to take things off his chest. He was so confused by everything that was happening in his personal life. He was even confused by what was happening inside him. He couldn’t even understand his own emotions anymore and that was frustrating. 

He used his powers to close the door to give them complete privacy and motioned at the chair nearby for her to sit on. This was going to take awhile. 

“Raven, there’s something I should to talk to you about.” he said. 

“Okay. Shoot. Metaphorically.”

Erik hated beating about the bush. He liked things clear and plain. So that’s what he went for once again. “I think I upset Charles.” he said, surprised at how calm his voice was. 

Raven exploded. “WHAT!?” 

“I didn’t exactly mean it and he was totally asking for it but I still feel like this maybe affected him.” 

“What did you do, Erik?”

“I found out about his mutation. That he’s suppressing it? We had a fight. You know me, I can be pretty harsh when I’m angry about something--” 

“What did you do, Erik?” She repeated more firmly. 

“I called him a coward.” 

Raven groaned. “Erik, you didn’t!” 

“I did. I yelled at him too.” 

“Why would you do that?” 

“I got angry! He’s betraying our kind! I thought you of all people would understand me!” 

“Oh, God, Erik! I was the one who encouraged him to do this in the first place!” Raven blurted out. 

Erik was dumbstruck. “What.” 

Raven hesitated for a moment. Then she shrugged. “He was in a really bad place. He drank too much, he was suicidal for fuck’s sake, and he couldn’t control his mutation. He was becoming a danger to himself and to others, slipping more and more each day.” 

“I don’t understand.” Erik frowned. “I understand living a life in a wheelchair is hard but others have accepted this.” 

Raven shook her head slowly. “You don’t know what happened two years ago, do you?” 

Erik had to admit that he didn’t. Nobody talked about the details so how could he!? 

“The accident, the car accident? It was, as you know, an attack on his life. But what the press never mentioned is that Charles’ fiance died saving him in that crash.” 

Erik paled. 

“Charles was very much in love and he had to watched the guy die. That sucks for any person but it’s even worse for a telepath. They form a strong mental bond with their partners and that’s more painful to sever. He was a mess. He didn’t leave his flat for months, he didn’t sleep or eat properly, he didn’t bathe or shave. No sunlight, just booze and self-loathing. He drank all the time. He said he craved oblivion.” Raven sighed, running her hands through her hair. It was obviously a rough time for her too. “I just wanted to cheer him up somehow. To make him rejoin the living. To help him. I found a scientist, Hank McCoy, who had developed a serum that could help Charles walk. But it was also going to suppress his mutation. I thought it was a fair trade. Especially since his control was slipping so much already. So I offered him to start taking that serum, to give it a try. He’s been using it ever since. It brought him back on his feet again, literally  _ and  _ metaphorically.” 

Erik frowned. “What does walking have to do with his mutation? Why does the serum work like that?” 

“I don’t know! Okay? It’s a science mumbo-jumbo!” Raven blurted out. “All I know is that when he takes it regularly it changes something in his DNA, makes his body able to heal a permanent injury like his spine and he can walk. That’s all that mattered to me. I wanted him to have a fresh start, without his telepathy to bring him down. Without feeling like a danger to others. Without the guilt or the pain. I wanted him to heal emotionally.” 

“I’m not sure it worked that well.” Erik said, looking a bit guilty. “He shut out everyone for 2 years. He said I was the first one to--” he cut himself off, remembering Charles’ words from their movie night. They finally made sense to him now. 

“Well, that's why I asked you not to toy with his heart.” 

“I should go talk to him.” Erik said suddenly. 

“You think?” Raven rolled her eyes. 

Erik was too far gone in his own thoughts to notice the sarcasm. “Yes, I think so.” 

Raven groaned. “Erik, what exactly do you feel for Charles?” she asked, leaning in, looking him in straight in the eyes. 

Erik was frozen for a moment, not sure how to reply to that. “I--” he stuttered. “I care for him very deeply.” 

Raven nodded. “Mhm. And do you love him?” 

A muscle on his eye twitched a little. 

“I’ve never been in love, Raven. I don’t know what it feels like.” 

Raven got up from the chair. “Well, I can’t help you with that. It’s something you need to figure out on your own.” she patted him on the shoulder. “Do what you have to, Erik, I’m not judging. But don’t hurt my brother. He’s like a broken vase. He may glue the broken pieces back together but he can’t quite remove the cracks. Don’t break him a second time. Please.” 

Erik gave a silent nod and hurried outside.

~*~

Charles observed the bottle of scotch for an impressive amount of time, having a long internal battle with himself, before he finally gave up. He opened it and poured the liquid in a glass. The first sip made him grimace and moan at the same time. The pleasant familiar burning warmed his throat. Why did he ever stop drinking? It was a huge mistake. Drinking was just what he needed. The small sip turned into a gulp then another and another until the contents of the whole glass were inside Charles’ stomach. It still wasn’t enough. He still felt shitty. 

His alarm went off, it was time for his medication. He took the syringe, prepared to inject the light green liquid in his vein before his legs go numb but he was suddenly hit by hesitation. 

_ “You’re a coward.”  _ Erik’s voice sounded in his head loud and clear. 

He wasn’t wrong. Charles was a coward. He was also weak. He couldn’t cope with a loss and he allowed himself to lose control over his own powers. He wasn’t dumb. He knew the real reason Raven found the serum for him was so that he doesn’t go on a binge and harm the minds of everyone around him. 

But that was a year and a half ago. Perhaps now would be different? Perhaps now he was ready? 

With a trembling hand he put the syringe away. A shaky exhale escaped his lips as he closed his eyes, feeling the first signs of his mutation coming back. His legs were the first to give though. He couldn’t feel them again, couldn’t move. Trapped. Trapped in his own head! Then the telepathy was back, stronger than the initial low buzz at the back of his head. But as soon as the first waves of telepathic activity washed over his mind Charles gasped in terror and reached out for the syringe once again. Nope. It was too much. Too many emotions, too much of other people’s sorrow. He couldn’t take it. He wasn’t ready to hear the voices again. He needed everything to be quiet. He needed to escape.

He was a coward after all and Erik was right to be so repulsed by him. 

~*~ 

He woke up to a loud banging. 

“Charles! Charles, please, open the door!” 

It was still dark. He glanced at the clock. 8:43 pm. 

“We both know I can open it on my own so let’s not go there.” the familiar voice said from the outside. 

Charles groaned and stumbled to get to the door. 

Erik heard some strange sounds from the inside and then finally the key turned as Charles unlocked the door. 

Erik was ready to rush headfirst inside but he stopped in his tracks when he actually saw the man. “Ch-charles? What’s happened to you? You look…” 

“What do you want, Erik?” Charles asked tiredly. 

“I wanted to talk to you but why are you…?” 

“I’ve no idea what you’re talking about, I’m perfectly--” 

“YOU’RE DRUNK!?” Erik gasped. 

“Shhh!” 

“You’re drunk!?” he repeated quieter. 

“I’m not! I was earlier but I’m fine now. Don’t make a scene, for God’s sake!” Charles frowned, pulling Erik inside and closing the door behind them. The last thing he wanted was some neighbor calling the press. Or even worse, calling Raven! 

“Charles, you’re not supposed to drink.” Erik crossed his arms on his chest. “Why do you even have alcohol in your falt?” 

Charles glared at him. “What’s it to you? It’s my life. You’re not my mother. You’re not my anything.” 

The words were hurtful to Erik, for some reason. 

“Come to think of it,” Charles continued, “my mother would probably encourage me.” 

“I thought-- I thought I was your friend.” Erik said.

“Friends don’t nearly fuck, Erik.” 

Erik was startled by the sudden force in Charles’ voice. Charles ignored it and walked towards his living room. A bunch of empty bottles were scattered on the floor near the coffee table. The place looked like a cave and it desperately needed some fresh air. 

“You’re going to die like that.” Erik grimaced, using his mutation to open a window. 

“That’s the general idea.” Charles muttered casually and dropped down on the couch. 

Erik clenched his fists. He really wanted to punch Charles in the face right now. Make him see reason and start taking care of himself. But he was here with a different purpose. 

“I’m sorry about yelling at you before.” he said. “I was confused and scared and I took it out on you. I didn’t know know any better and I didn’t think. I’m sorry.” 

Charles was frowning at him, breathing harshly. Erik was still looking at him expectantly. 

Charles sighed. “What do you want me to say, Erik? I don’t know what to say.”

“Say you forgive me. Or yell back at me. Just don’t ignore me.” Erik suggested. If it were him and Azazel they’d be at each other’s throats by now and once that was over they’d be back to playing video games together. It was good letting your emotions out. Easier. Less messy. 

“Yell at you? What for? For telling me the truth?” Charles chuckled. There was no amusement in his voice. “You made some pretty good points. I really am a coward. I-- I tried not to take my medicine today and I chickened out the moment I felt my telepathy returning. I got scared.”

“That’s normal, considering what happened to you…” 

Charles bit his lower lip, almost drawing out blood. “Raven told you.” Erik nodded. “Is this why you're here? Because Raven said so?” 

“Raven didn’t tell me to come here. I came here because I needed to talk to you.” Erik sucked in a deep breath. “I needed to apologize to you.” he corrected. 

Charles shook his head. “No. No, I don’t want your apology. I don’t want your pity!” 

“It’s not pity. It’s-- I like you, Charles. I care about you. You’re like family to me and I don’t want to see you sad. I don’t want to hurt you.” 

Charles was avoiding Erik’s gaze, probably to hide how red with tears his eyes were. 

“I yelled at you for being a coward but I’m no better. I keep things hidden too. Things I’m too scared to share.” 

Charles looked up with a confused frown. 

“In fact,” Erik continued, realization dawning at him as he spoke, “maybe mine’s even worse…” he muttered. He was still standing up before Charles, hanging his head like a guilty child. “The thing is, I learned something new.” Erik said, looking Charles in the eyes. “I judge too quickly. I judged a man I met at a mutant fair for working a degrading job but he was doing it so that his kids have a better life. I judged you for taking suppressants without truly knowing your reasons or what you’ve been through. I see the world in black and white. Mutant and human. But things aren’t black and white. The ocean is deeper than what we see on the surface.” 

Charles slowly inhaled and exhaled, swallowing but not interrupting Erik. 

“Please, forgive me and help me get better at this?” Erik said quietly. He truly meant every word. “There are so many things I still don’t understand. Apart from work, everything else in life is a mystery to me. Chaos. And I don’t know how to deal with it. I feel so lost, Charles.” 

Charles slowly got up from the couch. The expression on his face had changed to one of compassion and in a matter of seconds Erik was pulled into a warm hug. 

Erik relaxed into the feeling, his arms finding their way around Charles’ waist. “I’m sorry, Charles!” he mumbled. 

Charles shushed him. “It’s alright. It’s alright. I should’ve told you earlier about this. It’s alright now.” He rocked Erik in his arms, hand reaching out to stroke the back of Erik’s head. Just like mother used to do. Erik closed his eyes, melting into this touch as tears slid down his eyes. He pressed Charles closer to himself desperately. He had no idea how much he needed this until this very moment. He didn’t want to let go of Charles. So he didn’t. 

They stood there, in the middle of Charles’ living room, for God knew how long. When they finally pulled apart and were both able to talk again, Charles wiped the wetness from his eyes and smiled at Erik. 

“Are you hungry? I think I have leftovers…” 

Erik chuckled with that toothy grin of his. His eyes and eyelashes were still wet from his tears. “Forget leftovers. I’ll prepare something for you this time. A special recipe I learned from my mother.” 


	6. Chapter 6

Erik cooked in Charles’ kitchen with Charles basically just getting in the way. They both laughed about it and then they had dinner together. Charles couldn’t stop praising the food and how delicious it all was and then he insisted on washing the dishes. Erik then had a very serious talk with him about his drinking and Charles promised not to relapse again.  

Erik gave him a look. “Charles, I’m not an idiot. Don’t make unrealistic promises. I know it’s hard to fight an addiction.”

“I’m not an addict.” Charles insisted. “I’m not an alcoholic. I don’t crave alcohol. I just-- find it hard to stop once I start drinking.”

“So don’t start.”

Charles nodded. “I know I shouldn’t. I’ll try harder to fight it next time.”

“I hope there won’t be a next time. But if there is, I want to be by your side to make you stronger. You don’t have to be alone in this.”

They talked about it some more and then Charles offered Erik to stay over for the night since it was already way too late and none of them really wanted to be alone. Erik thought that was a really good plan and the two cuddled in Charles’ bed until they both fell asleep. The world felt right again.

~*~

Erik woke up as the big spoon, his arms wrapped comfortably around a still sleeping Charles, his legs and torso pressed closely to Charles’, his face was in Charles’ hair. It was so very cozy and pleasant, so domestic, Erik couldn’t help but grin. He was happy.

And then his grin froze on his face.  

He swallowed nervously as he felt the heavy heat between his thighs.

He panicked! He couldn’t get a hard-on now! What if Charles found out!? What would Charles think!? This was so embarrassing!

He carefully tried to untangle himself from Charles and slip out of bed but the movement created slight friction on his erect cock and he gasped. The feeling was so surprising that he couldn’t help the moan that escaped him.

Charles stirred in his arms, his butt shifting and wiggling against Erik’s erection as he made himself comfortable in Erik’s embrace. This made it even worse!

Erik was dying here! He had to hide in the bathroom _now_ ! Or else Charles would see and then--

Charles turned around with a smile on his still sleepy face. “Mmorning.” he cooed, voice still heavy from sleep.

Erik swallowed. Maybe Charles hadn’t noticed after all.

“Good morning.” he replied, stiffly.

Charles reached out to wrap his arms around Erik’s neck and pull Erik closer, throwing his leg over Erik to give him a full body embrace. Erik was even more stiff now.

“Um…” he swallowed again even though his mouth was dry.

Was Charles blind!? Did he really not feel Erik’s quite prominent erection poking him when they were this close? Wasn’t he bothered by it? Why was Erik the only one freaking out!?

Charles shoved his nose in the crook of Erik’s neck and inhaled the scent there.

“Mmm, you smell magnificent.” he whispered.

Erik remained very very still.

Charles’ hand slid down Erik’s chest, then down his abdomen until his fingers reached way down and began playing with the elastic of Erik’s boxer shorts.

“I can hear your heartbeat. So loud and fast.” Charles chuckled, snuggling closer and pressing a kiss to Erik’s neck.

Erik closed his eyes, tilting his head slightly to feel more of that kiss.

Charles let out a small moan and gently pushed Erik on his back, straddling him. Encouraged by the little noise Erik made, Charles started kissing down the other man’s chest, savoring every moment of his glorious exploration.

“Tell me if you want me to stop.” Charles said, his voice heavy with something Erik couldn’t name but could definitely feel. “Do you want me to stop?”

Erik could hardly sport the cognitive capacity to form a full coherent sentence at this moment. He didn’t want this to stop though! It felt really good!

Charles settled between Erik’s legs, looking up at him with glitter in his eyes. His pupils were so dilated Erik could hardly see any blue in them left.

“May I?” Charles asked, hooking his fingers in the elastic of Erik’s shorts but still not taking them off.

Erik nodded quickly. “Yes.” he said, his voice embarrassingly squeaky.

God! He couldn’t believe this! Was this actually happening? Or was he just dreaming about it again?

Charles grinned and pulled Erik’s pants down, letting his cock spring free and so close to Charles’ face. Erik was both embarrassed and terribly aroused.

“Oh!” Charles seemed pleased with what he saw.

For a moment Erik was overcome by that same fear from the other night, the faint but constant worry that his inexperience would suddenly ruin everything. He was not sure what Charles expected of him but he did not want to disappoint.

“W-what should I do?” he stuttered, eyes wide in awe.

Charles only chuckled, teasing the head of Erik’s penis, driving him insane with each lick. “You just relax and enjoy it, darling.” he replied and took him in his mouth.

Well, hell yeah, that was not a dream! It was really happening, alright! And Erik wanted to sing!

~*~

Erik couldn’t stop grinning all throughout breakfast. He was grinning and beaming at Charles like a lovesick puppy. Charles found it extremely amusing.

“Really, Erik, you’re making me self-conscious.” he blushed. “Stop looking at me like that.”

“I can’t help it. You’re beautiful.” Erik said, still smiling widely like an idiot.

He really couldn’t help it. Not after what Charles did for him! Erik couldn’t return the favour this morning. He was so excited after the high of his orgasm that he could hardly make sense of anything at all. He was a grinning babbling mess. Charles only patted him on the thigh, saying sometimes giving was more satisfying than receiving, and went to the bathroom to brush his teeth. Then it was breakfast time and now they were at the breakfast table.

“I want to do that for you too, y’know.” Erik said seriously. “I want to know what it feels like to have you inside my mouth.”

Charles chuckled again. “Eat your food now. We have all the time in the world to do all kinds of stuff later.”

“You mean there’s more!?” Erik gasped, which made Charles even more amused.

He wasn’t sure if Charles knew this was Erik’s first time but judging by the look on Charles’ face, maybe he had an inkling. Whether he knew or not, he still didn’t seem to mind so eventually Erik relaxed about it too.

They laughed and kissed all the while when they got ready for work. Charles was very very loving and Erik revelled in the attention. Then they walked there together.

They weren’t going to bring any attention to the change in their relationship but somehow their behavior did not go unnoticed by Raven who seemed to know exactly what had happened between them from just one glance. Erik blushed vigorously at her clever remarks while Charles only rolled his eyes at his sister and told her to grow up.

The rest of the day went on as usual with a few tiny differences. Charles found a lot more pretexts to swift by Erik’s desk than he usually would. Some of them were really dumb and glaringly transparent. But Erik didn’t mind -- he liked it that Charles was so desperate to see him again and again. They shared long meaningful gazes and then Charles would reluctantly go back to his own office. And of course, they texted each other. Things that weren’t strictly friendship stuff. Erik had a boyfriend. Erik felt like a giddy schoolboy. Erik _was_ a giddy schoolboy… Charles could still not quite understand Erik’s exaltation every time they did something intimate but he found it endearing and sweet so it usually earned Erik even more of Charles’ affection which Erik really liked.

Now that he was finally not so stressed and tensed -- go figure why but after this morning Erik suddenly felt as if a load of stress had been relieved -- he could finally write that letter to his mother.

 

_Dear mama,_

 

_First, I need to tell you that this is me, your son Erik, writing to you._

_Second, I need to tell you that I love you very very much. You are the best mother in the world and I am so lucky to be your boy!_

_Third, I need to ask you not to worry about me. I am alright. I eat well. I sleep great._

The heat was back to his cheeks as he wrote that last bit. He continued.

_I am happy and doing what I’ve always wanted to. My dreams are coming true. You’d be so proud of me, mama!_

_I’ll tell you everything when I’m back. But for now, please, don’t worry about me and let me do this. You’ve always trusted my judgements. Trust me once again._

 

_Yours forever loving,_

_Erik_

 

He mailed the letter that same evening on his way to Charles’ flat where Charles was probably going to suck his cock again.

~*~

Three months ago Erik was a puny teenage boy with no voice. Now he was a man with a goal, a job, a boyfriend, achievements, a life. It was exciting and terrifying at the same time. Erik was gaining more and more responsibilities every day, many of them unexpected.

“I need you to help me with this, Erik.” Raven said.

“I am helping.” he assured her. “I can write you another speech. I know exactly what you should say to make the right people listen.”

She shook her head. “Not like that. I need you to help me with the negotiations. With the senators. For the law.”

He froze. “B-but… I usually write the--”

“I’ve been doing this alone for a long time. I have you now. You’re as passionate about it as me, and even more eloquent. I want you at the negotiations.”

Erik swallowed. This was big indeed. What if he wasn’t good at it? What if he loses his nerves and yells at the senators, completely ruining Raven’s chances of ever winning them over on their side? He was eloquent, yes, and convincing, but when it came to face to face confrontation he could easily lose his temper and say things he otherwise wouldn’t.

Raven seemed to have sensed his train of thoughts. She put a hand on his shoulder.

“Don’t sweat it, okay? I know you can do this. Charles feels the same way too, he told me so.”

“He did?”

She nodded. “He says you’ve been backstage long enough. He says you have a light in you and you need to shine.”

“He’s such a dork.” Erik said lovingly.

“He is. But he’s right.” Raven smiled. “So?”

“Of course, I’ll help you, Raven. I’ll give my best!”

“Your best is enough, trust me.” she winked.  

~*~

This last week Erik had been neglecting his own flat in favor of Charles’. The two practically lived together now even though it was not official. Erik even had his own clothes and toothbrush there in Charles’ flat. His toys and games were forgotten in his own apartment. Even the trampoline was gathering dust. Erik had a lot of work to do during the day and he wanted to spend the nights with Charles. Besides, Charles had a big double bed in his flat, whereas Erik still had that silly bunk bed. What could the two of them possibly do in a bunk bed?

He opened the front door with his powers -- he had keys, of course, but why bother? -- and went inside, locking behind himself. It was surprisingly quiet tonight which was unusual because Charles always warned him in advance in case he was going to be late. Besides, Charles hardly ever was late, he did his best to spend as much time with Erik as possible. The silence was very odd.

“Charles?” Erik called, taking his shoes off and walking further into the flat. He had a bad feeling about this. As if he were expecting to find something really disturbing. “Charles, are you here?”

A faint little gasp and then, “Down here!” Charles waved his hand at him. He was sitting on the bedroom floor, his back propped on the wall. His hair looked messier than usual and there was a nervous look on his face. His breathing was uneven and laboured.

Erik frowned. For a moment he thought Charles had broken his promise and relapsed. And that scared him. Erik wasn’t sure what to do with a drunk Charles.

“Charles? Are you alright? Why are you on the floor?”

“I can’t stand up…” Charles replied. He looked quite shaken, even though he was doing his best to hide it.

“What do you mean you can’t stand--” Erik muttered but then realized what Charles was actually saying. “You should take your serum, Charles.”

Charles shook his head. “No, I--” he licked at his chapped lips which were unusually dry at this moment. “This may sound silly, Erik, but I want to touch your mind. I want to feel it. I want to be inside your head. I need-- I need to feel your mind…”

Dread settled in the pit of Erik’s stomach. He could feel his heartbeat in his ears.

“It’s alright, Charles. Don’t strain yourself.” he said, lifting Charles up from the floor and carrying him to their bed. “You don’t have to stop taking the serum if you’re not ready.”

“But I want to. And I want to be ready.” Charles insisted.

“I know. But there’ll be plenty of time for that later.” Erik said, pressing a gentle kiss to Charles’ forehead. “Alright?”

Charles nodded, not completely convinced but obviously not questioning Erik’s words.

“Now. How about I draw you a bath, okay? It’ll make you feel better.” Erik offered.

“Only if you join me too.” Charles smiled weakly at him.

Erik chuckled. “Someone’s naughty.”

“I just want to feel you close, even if it’s only--” but he couldn’t finish his sentence because a sharp pain shot through his head, making him gasp.

“Charles! What is it?” Erik asked frightened.

“Your mind!” Charles said. Apparently his telepathy was returning. “Your mind is so bright, Erik! I can feel it… distantly… so bright… so youthful…”

“I’ll bring you your syringe.” Erik said hurriedly and quickly rushed to the drawer where he knew Charles kept his medicine. He couldn’t let Charles peek inside his head. He couldn’t risk Charles finding the truth and-- he wasn’t even sure what exactly Charles would do if he knew what Erik had done. There were times, so often, when Erik dreamed of telling Charles everything. Just to share with him that on the inside he was still a 14 year old boy. It was not easy being a grown-up. Erik had to put a lot of effort into so many things he wasn’t exactly ready for. Sharing that weight with Charles would’ve made him feel less alone in this. But each time he was on the verge of telling Charles his secret, his reason reminded him why he had to keep it to himself. “Here.” He said, bringing the syringe and waiting for Charles to take it and do his thing.

Charles swallowed, looking at the serum with both dread and want. “Erik, I-- I’m not sure. Maybe I should try being without it?”

Charles looked at him with trusting blue eyes. He wanted Erik to make this choice for him. He wanted to be the man Erik needed him to be. And as a telepath he probably also needed the intimacy of the mind. Erik could encourage him now to not suppress himself anymore, to fight his fears, to face his issues, to become stronger.

Erik hated himself as instead of doing that he held Charles’ hand and said, “In your own time, Charles. And not because of me. Please.” With his other hand he put the syringe into Charles’ palm. “You’re not ready yet. And I don’t judge you for it.”

Charles sighed with a little frown of his own, looking disappointed in his own weakness. His fingers curled around the syringe with resignation. He looked up at Erik once again. Erik nodded reassuringly and felt a little sick for literally making Charles do this to himself again. But it was in everyone’s best interest.

He watched as Charles injected himself with the serum and then it was done. Charles’ telepathy subsided again before it could grow strong enough to penetrate Erik’s mind. Charles only got a glimpse, a gentle brush, a little whiff of what Erik’s mind felt like. But that was all.

“I’m sorry.” Charles sighed. “I’m not strong enough.”

Erik tried to say something encouraging, to assure him he was not weak, to tell him he was wonderful and it wasn’t his fault. But no words came out of his mouth. He pressed a kiss to Charles’ damp forehead and hugged him tightly.

Charles still wanted to feel Erik’s mind, fully and truly. The telepath in him craved that sort of a more intimate touch. To build a bond, a mental link between two lovers. But Erik said they should wait. He didn’t want to rush Charles into something Charles wasn’t ready for. And Charles had to agree Erik had a point. Charles wasn’t ready. Charles was still too scared. And Erik probably knew it.

Life continued as before. They were still very happy. With or without a mental bond.

But that night when Erik looked himself in the mirror, he saw someone he didn’t like.

~*~

Life took a strange turn when one morning at work Erik heard a familiar voice that he’d usually be glad to hear but under different circumstances.

“Hello, I’m Eddie Lehnsherr, I’m looking for my son E--” he glanced up and she instantly recognized him. “YOU AGAIN! I know you! You were in my house when--”

Erik jumped from his desk with the quickness of a panther, taking his mother by the arm and leading her towards the door. “You need to leave. Now. Please!”

“You have my son, don’t you? You stole my son!” she was struggling against his grip. “You made him write me all these letters, you kidnapper! My poor boy’s probably scared and alone! Where’s my son!?”

Erik pulled her out before she could gather too much unwanted attention.

“You cannot stay here! Please, I’ll explain everything, but not now!”

“I need to speak with my son! I want to know he’s alright. Let me speak to him now or I’ll call the police!”

Seriously!? Well, what options did he have left?

He leaned in closer to her ear and hissed, “If you want to see your son alive and well again, you’ll leave now and wait for me to contact you.”  

His mother’s eyes were filled with terror and fear for him.

“If you make a fuss now, or call the police, your boy dies. No one can find him this fast.”

He felt like a skum.

Eddie pursed her lips, shrugging away from his grip. “If one hair falls from his body I’ll cut every inch of you and feed it to you, while watching you squirm.” she gritted her teeth.

Erik felt a cold shiver down his spine. Who knew his mother could be this intimidating. She was a small woman, really. Wow.

“Understood?” her eyes were penetrating and hard on him.

He nodded. “Yes, ma’am.”

She walked away, giving him the _I’m watching you_ gesture. Erik sighed in relief. Bullet dodged for now.

He turned around to get back inside but it was not meant to be.

“What was that all about?” Charles tilted his head curiously. He was just returning from a meeting and apparently saw Eddie leaving.

_Fuck._

“That was… nothing. That was nothing.” Erik said, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek and rushing inside.  

Charles followed. “Um, I’m pretty sure it’s something. Especially now when you totally lied to me. Are you in trouble? Do you need help?”

“You can’t be sure I lied.” Erik avoided the answer.

“I’m not that stupid.” Charles crossed his arms on his chest.

Erik huffed. “Must we discuss this now? It’s not work-related.”

Charles gave him a look.

“Okay, fine, you win! That-- That was my mother…” Erik mumbled.

Charles’ face instantly melted into a warm smile. “Oh, my God! Erik, this was your mother? I wanted to meet her! Why didn’t you introduce us?” the smile froze on his face. “Oh. Oh, I understand. I-- I’m sorry. I missunderstood.”

Erik frowned puzzled. “Charles?”

“It’s fine. I have work to do anyway.” he waved him off and walked to his own office, looking kind of bummed out. Well, at least Erik had no more explanations to give to prying grown-ups.

~*~

“If things are good with you and Erik, why are you so miserable today?” Raven asked at lunch.

“Things are good with us, but not as good as I thought, apparently.” Charles sighed. “His mother was here today and he didn’t want to introduce me to her. He literally scared her away just so she doesn’t meet me.” he sighed again. “I guess he’s not as serious about me as I thought. I’m just a bit of fun on the side, not the one you introduce to your mother.”

Instead of giving him a little sympathy, as Charles expected, Raven laughed in his face.

Charles frowned. “Raven.”

“I’m sorry! But you’re such an idiot!” she laughed. “He doesn’t introduce you to his mother and you instantly think he’s ashamed of you or something? What if he’s not out to his mother yet? What if he doesn’t want you two to meet for the first time in front of his office. What if he has other plans?”

“Ohhh!” Charles finally saw things in a different light.

“Ohhh, indeed.” Raven grinned. “So you see now, dear brother, sometimes you jump to hasty conclusions?”

He chuckled, shaking his head. “I’m such an idiot!”

“Such an idiot.” Raven repeated lovingly.

“Thanks, Raven.” he smiled.

She squeezed his hand and they continued their lunch.

~*~

Erik was freaking out all day. He couldn’t really concentrate on his work and he almost screwed things up a lot at one of their shelters. His mother was here. She found him, probably because of the stupid letters! They were supposed to help him, not get him into more trouble! He managed to make so much difference already and yet he was still feeling so lost. So utterly lost. He may have been ready to be a grown-up intellectually, but he wasn’t ready to be one emotionally. He didn’t know what to do and he was too stressed to think straight. Suddenly everything was too much and he just needed to breathe. He needed Charles!

~*~

“Charles are you mad at me?”

Erik was never a fan of beating about the bush. He prefered the more direct approach.

“Of course not.” Charles reassured with a smile. He was totally over the incident from this morning.

“You didn’t even wait for me for lunch today…” Erik noted.

“Yes, I’m sorry about that. I went with Raven.” Charles said apologetically. “I kind of freaked out earlier with your mother and everything.”

“Oh?”

“I thought you didn’t want to introduce us.”

“I don’t.”

Charles opened and closed his mouth like a fish for a moment before he spoke again, carefully, “Um, well, not now, obviously, but eventually we’ll reach the point when--”

“No, Charles. We won’t. I cannot let you meet my mother.”

Erik’s words sounded so final, so stern. It stung to hear him say that. But he quickly remembered Raven’s words again.

“So I take it you’re not out to her yet? Does she not know about your sexuality? It’s fine, I’m with you no matter what.”

Erik sighed. “She doesn’t know a lot about me…” he uttered, not exactly answering Charles’ question.

“Okay…”

“Charles, you always say how honesty is very important in a relationship.”

Charles nodded. “It is.” He suddenly felt bad for Erik. He was obviously keeping things from his mother and he was probably feeling guilty about it. “Well, there are some private things that--”

“Charles, I lied to you.” Erik blurted out.

“Um… how do you mean?”

“I wasn’t entirely honest with you about… my age…”

Charles’ tense features relaxed into a smile again. “Oh, Erik. Was that all? That’s nothing. I don’t mind if you’re older than 30. That’s ridiculous. Age is an artificial concept. It’s not a foundation of a sound relationship. I don’t mind if you’re 30 or 35 or anything. Hell, you could be 70 and I’d still love you!” he chuckled a little sheepishly. “That’s right, Erik. I love you! I love you so much. I didn’t think I’d fall in love again after-- but I did.”

Charles looked so vulnerable, so open and honest with Erik. Erik couldn’t keep deceiving him anymore. Because that was exactly what keeping this from Charles felt like. Deceiving.

“Charles, I’m 14.” he said, his heart in his throat.

“Pardon?” Charles asked pleasantly.

“I’m 14.”

“14 what?” Charles asked, not quite following. His puzzlement showing on his face more now.

“14 years old.”

Silence. Did he just break Charles?

“Charles?”

Charles was not smiling anymore. “Sorry, Erik, what!? How can you be 14 years old? I don’t… how can you be 14 years old!?”

Erik jumped up from the couch and stood with his head hung down like a guilty student in front of Charles. He was speaking really fast, trying to quickly get it all off his chest.

“No one ever listened to me and I wanted to change the world and then this mutant was at this fair, this horrible terrible fair, and he granted me a wish and I wished to be big and then he mentioned hope and we both laughed because it was funny and I thought that was it. But then I woke up next morning and I was big and my mother kicked me out and I came here and met Raven and met you and I really like you, Charles, you see you have great butt, and please don’t be mad at me, I really like you, I didn’t mean to lie to anyone.”

More silence. He looked up sheepishly. Charles was staring at him, not even blinking. Apparently it was too much information to process this quickly.

“How can you be 14? You’re my partner.” was all Charles, eloquent, intelligent Charles, could say.

“I’m 14 years old. In here.” he pointed at his head and his heart. “And I’ve learned so much and I pretend I’m a grown-up quite well but on the inside I’m still 14. And I’m scared of the world, even though I always deny it, I am. And sometimes I miss my mom and sometimes I miss my life and I miss Azazel, and--”

“Azazel.” Charles paled. “So that’s what it is, then. Azazel.”

“What? No! No, it’s not like that. Azazel’s my friend. Besides, he’s 13!”

“Ew, Erik! Is this all you could come up with!? Azazel’s 13!? And you’re 14!? That’s disgusting! You don’t love me back, at least have the decency to tell me the truth!”

“I _am_ telling the truth!” Erik cried out desperately. “I know it sounds--”

“You got scared because I said that I love you, didn’t you? You’re such a child sometimes!” Charles gasped exasperated.

“That’s because I _am_ a child!” Erik tried to explain again. This was not what he wanted to happen this evening. But he went too far to take it back now. “I know it sounds absurd and it’s hard to believe but I’m telling the truth! If you had your telepathy, you would’ve known!”

“Stop saying that!” Charles cried out. He sounded so hurt. “I get it, you’re not ready for a serious relationship, the child inside you is afraid of commitment, I understand. It happens. But please let’s talk about this like reasonable adults and not like that.”

“I’m not scared of commitment, I’m just trying to share this with you. I can’t carry this weight on my shoulders alone anymore! I’m just tired of keeping it from you.”

He felt tears prickling in his eyes. When Charles looked at him Erik could see he was equally upset, his blue eyes wet with tears too.  

“Just fuck off, Erik!” he barked. “All I wanted was to love you. I just wanted to love you. That’s all.” he sobbed and turned his back to Erik to hide his face.

Erik reached out to put a hand on Charles’ shoulder but Charles flinched away.

“Go back to your Azazel.” he said quietly, broken. “I don’t think I can stand the sight of you right now.”

The words felt like daggers in Erik’s heart. He screwed up. He screwed up bad. He never meant to hurt Charles. All he wanted was to change the world. How did it come to this? With a heavy heart he turned around and left Charles alone in what used to be their home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw for dubious consent.  
> Erik looks 30 and Charles thinks he's 30 but in his head he's technically still a teenager. Things are... complicated.  
> Reminder, in the movie this wasn't a big issue but I always felt it was kind of inappropriate so I thought I should look into that side of the story here.


	7. Chapter 7

_“Those are some of the greatest men and women fighting for equality. Unfortunately many of them suffered tragic personal losses... ” the history teacher had said._

_“It’s worth it.” Erik mumbled to himself. He’d suffer hundreds of personal losses if it meant he could change the world and make it better. Blood, sweat and sorrow were all worth it for a great cause._

He had meant it then, in that school room, and he still meant it now. Of course, then he had no idea continuously suffering through various personal losses was quite this painful…

He decided not to go to work the next day. He didn’t know what to do and how to behave around Charles. He needed time to collect his thoughts. Maybe find a way to prove to Charles that he wasn’t lying to him about being 14? Or maybe it would be easier to just lie to Charles, apologize and ask for forgiveness? Continue with their lives the way it used to be and pretend his life from before wasn’t real. Pretend he was this grown-up Erik Lehnsherr who wasn’t a 14 year old teenager only 3 months ago.

He called Raven and asked the day off. With all the extra hours he’s been working since literally day one, that was hardly a problem. Although Raven did remind him of the debate at the end of the month. Erik promised he’s got it under control. He wasn’t sure if he had anything under control currently. He just wanted to lock himself away from the world and be miserable in peace. But that was too much to ask. The world didn’t stop only because Erik needed a rest. There was no Summer break in this reality.

~*~

Charles could easily stay in his room for the rest of the week. He had done that before when things were too much for him, when his depression was at its worst. But he didn’t allow himself to do that this time. The truth was, he didn’t trust himself to be alone right now. The temptation to drink himself unconscious while seeking oblivion was too big and he really didn’t want this for himself. Not again.

So he went to work, looking like shit, according to his sister but he didn’t care. He went anyway and pretended everything was fine and nothing hurt.

One of the first things he noticed at work was the empty desk in front of Raven’s office. He swallowed, hands clenched into tight fists. He had to remind himself to breath. This was ridiculous, so ridiculous. It was obviously over between Erik and him. Erik didn’t want him. Erik was so freaked out by Charles loving him that he came up with the most absurd excuse in the world. If that didn’t scream I don’t want you, Charles had no idea know what did. It hurt like hell but he had to endure it.

It was still a relief that Erik wasn’t coming to work today though. Charles wasn’t sure of his own reaction if he had to meet Erik right now. Of course he could just hide in his own office, he didn’t need to be in Erik’s hair all the time. But that felt immature and silly. He couldn’t hide forever.

He approached Erik’s desk thoughtfully, ran his fingers on the surface longingly like an idiot. He noticed every little detail of this desk that was like a tiny Erik-world because Charles, apparently, was a masochist. Everything so precise and tidy, _so Erik._ Covered in Erik’s work, well organized and in perfect order. A few idle notes sticking around the computer -- words that made no sense unless you were Erik, reminders of ideas and plans. A couple of action figures of heroes were gracing one corner of the desk, looking at Charles disapprovingly as if judging him. Charles frowned. Erik really did love toys. Maybe it made sense that he was just a boy at heart who wasn’t ready for a long-tern relationship. Charles ran his fingers through his hair. He had a real connection with Erik. He fell in love with him. He fell for Erik hard but Erik didn’t feel the same way, Erik didn’t want him. And that was Erik’s right, of course, but it didn’t make it any less painful for Charles. How will he ever heal from this rejection? At least Erik was alive and well.

He felt the tears pricking back at his eyes when a woman’s voice interrupted his thoughts.

“Excuse me, have you seen the man who worked here yesterday?” She demanded.

Charles instantly recognized her as Erik’s mother. He sprang up to his feet, feeling awkward. “Mrs. Lehnsherr!” he said.

She arched an eyebrow. Something about the gesture reminded him so much of Erik. He really looked a lot like his mother.

“Do I know you?” she asked.

Charles shook his head. “No. But I know your son.”

The woman shrieked. “You do!?”

Why was she so surprised? They obviously worked together. It was no big deal that Charles knew her him.

“Yes.” he said. “We are-- we _were_ good friends.”

“Were? Why were? Has anything happened? Is he alright!?”

“He is.” Charles said, a little taken aback by her sudden panic. “I just meant… We’re friends.”

She looked at Charles with suspicion and wiped the tears from her eyes with a handkerchief. She looked quite stern and that again reminded Charles of Erik. Damn.

“Where is he now?” she asked.

“At home, I suppose.” Charles shrugged.

“Oh, he hasn’t been home in a long time.” She said grimly. “Tell me, when did you last see him? Is he hurt?”

Charles was still utterly confused. Erik’s mother sure knew how to be over the top. So here’s where Erik’s got his dramatics from. “He’s fine, trust me. He’s missing Azazel.”

He regretted his own bitter remark the moment it was out but it was too late to unsay it. He bit his lower lip hard, hoping that maybe Mrs. Lehnsherr would let it slide or not understand his bitterness.

“Aww, Azazel misses him too.” Mrs. Lehnsherr said instead, and her face did that teary-eyed thing again when she got really emotional real quick.

Charles felt a dagger through his heart. Azazel was quite real and Erik’s mother seemed in favour of their relationship. Whatever that relationship was… Bloody Azazel even had mummy’s blessing!

“Anyway, I have work to do.” Charles said, attempting to leave and cry his eyes out alone when he felt her tight grip around his arm.

“Oh, no, you don’t.” she said, her voice low and firm. “Take me to my son. Now.”

“Mrs. Lehnsherr, I’m sorry but I can’t do that.” Charles tried to pull away, frowning. “You’re asking too much of me. Besides, I doubt Erik wants to see me.”

“Why? What have you done to him!?” There was her concern again.

Charles rolled his eyes. “ _I_ didn’t do anything to him. He’s the one who keeps--” he cut himself off. She was sobbing. “Um…” she looked so small and exhausted. She must’ve been through some really rough time, she was a nerve wreck. Charles felt awkward again. “Look, I could tell you where his flat is. You can easily find it on your own. I’m sure he’ll be happy to see you.”

She instantly looked up at him. “His flat? How can he have a flat? He’s 14!”

Charles blinked. Not that again. Erik didn’t get _his own mother_ to come play this charade! Why would he even do this!?

“I don’t have time for this.” Charles said out loud, not wanting to be rude to the poor woman but also not buying her nonsense. “I don’t know if you think this is funny but I don’t want to have anything to do with it anymore!”

Mrs. Lehnsherr stood in his way. “Oh, please, help me! If you know where my boy is!”

“Your boy is a grown man! And I’m pretty angry with him right now!” Charles gritted out, trying to walk past her.

She was frowning as she ruffled through her handbag and taking out her wallet.

“Are we speaking of the same person?” she handed Charles a picture of a young boy. “Erik Lehnsherr, 14, blue-green eyes, auburn hair, lovely smile, controls metal? His favorite color is magenta. Gets into fights a lot but has the kindest heart in the world. He likes humming to himself before he goes to sleep.” her voice sounded so soft and full of love. “Have you seen him?”

Charles was staring at the picture. His hands were cold. He felt like he was miles away, out of his body, watching from somewhere above. He knew that face. It was the same face, only younger. Much younger. The hard lines were less prominent, the smile was so bright. The eyes, oh, those eyes, they were the same; full of the same innocence, same conviction, same fiery passion! Oh, Charles knew that face.

“Is this some kind of a joke?” he asked sternly, handing the picture back to Mrs. Lehnsherr. “Aren’t you people tired of this stupid game?”

“What are you talking about? What game?” Mrs. Lehnsherr muttered confused. “I thought you were my son’s friend. I thought you wanted to help.”

“This boy is a teenager.” Charles said. “Erik Lehnsherr is--”

“This is the most recent picture of my son. It was taken 5 months ago at the lake. He disappeared three months and 12 days ago without a trace. The police couldn’t find him. I involved every authority I could reach, including private investigators. He’s on the missing persons list. There are posters… I made posters…” she had to grab hold of herself again before continuing. Even when she was so broken Charles could still see that strong determination in her, the same conviction he’d seen in Erik. “There was nothing until 8 days ago I received a letter from him. I tracked him to New York. I came here because this place was his dream. Mystique is his hero, you see. He wanted to participate in your work so badly. I was hoping you could perhaps help me And then I saw that same man here, the man I saw in my kitchen the day Erik disappeared. The bastard was eating my son’s toast!” Charles’ face was probably doing something strange because she looked at him even more concerned and added, “I would not lie to you about something like that. Why would I?”

The hand holding the picture trembled a little.

“Sir? Are you alright? You’re pale and you’re shaking! Sir?”

Suddenly everything was dark.

~*~

Erik looked at his childhood home from a distance. It was empty and quiet. He didn’t know if his mother was there. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to find out. What with how his last meeting with her went down.

The street was quiet too, nothing like the busy New York avenues. This was where he grew up. This place, he thought was haunted with so many bad memories, for some reason brought him peace now. This is where his father had died. This is where his mother had struggled to provide for him, to take care of him, to give him a home. This is where his friend was bullied. This is where he got into dozens flights a week. This is where his powers manifested. This is where learned the world was unfair. This is where he heard Mystique’s speeches for the first time and felt the fire in his heart. This is where he had become the person that he was. This place, bad memories and all, was home. He thought he hated it. But he was also grateful.

He had spent 3 hours to get to his home town but there was this dose of comfort in being here again. For a while he let himself close his eyes and be a boy. Then he was ready to go back to his New York flat with his New York life.

~*~

When Charles came to, the first thing he saw were Erik’s concerned eyes. He blinked a few times and realized _wrong Lehnsherr._ Those were _Erik’s mother’s_ concerned eyes.

He got up, despite his head spinning still, and pulled Edie by the hand.

“Follow me, please.” he said. “And hurry up.”

“You probably shouldn’t be walking right now--” she began but he cut her off.

“This is more important.”

“Where are we g--?”

“To find your son.” he said determinedly, speeding up his pace.

As they walked, he kept glancing at his watch nervously. The time was right, the time was right.

“The time is right for what?” Mrs. Lehnsherr asked confused and he realized that he had been mumbling it out loud under his breath.

“Nothing.” he said and kept walking.

They reached Erik’s flat in no time. Charles had a key. Charles had a _bloody key_! He didn’t even bother to knock, unlocking the front door and letting Mrs. Lehnsherr in.

The familiar flat was all here alright. Just as Charles remembered it.

“Erik? Erik!” Charles looked in the other rooms, and even in the bathroom, but there was no sign of him. He was probably out. They’d have to wait for his return. Charles got back to the living room to find Mrs. Lehnsherr gaping at it.

“Erik always wanted a trampoline!” she gasped, getting emotional again as she recognized posters and videogames that apparently were her son’s favorite.

Charles grimaced. _This is not making things any better_ , he thought to himself. But the point of this was not to make things better. It was to make things right. And to make some sense too.

He settled on an armchair, looking at his watch and waited. The time was right.

“What are we doing exactly?” Mrs. Lehnsherr asked.

“Be patient, please. Everything will be revealed soon.” Charles said with the air of a man who knew exactly what was going on.

Charles had no idea what was going on. Everything was too confusing. He was torn between the impossible and the logical. The weird part being that both the impossible and the logical were were equally unbelieveable. On one hand he had a 14-year old turning into a 30-year old while his mother was worried sick about him. On the other hand he had a kidnapped child in his ex-lover’s flat. With all the mutations out there it wasn’t _that_ impossible for someone to have the power to transform people like that. It would explain where this kid disappeared to. But… Erik could not be a kid! Erik could simply _not be a kid_ ! Charles’ entire being was desperately praying that Erik was just some regular psychopath kidnapper and not an actual 14-year old! What even was Charles’ life if he was rooting for _this_ option!?

Either ways he was going to find out the truth soon enough. The time was right! He did not inject himself with the serum when the alarm went off so now his legs were beginning to feel numb and he sucked in a deep breath as the first waves of his telepathy brushed against his mind. He’d been suppressing his powers for so long, it was painful for him to get reaccustomed to them. But that was beside the point. The important bit was that he’ll be able to check in Erik’s mind and see for himself what the truth was. Where he was holding the child! If there was a child he was holding at all…

It was nearly evening when the door unlocked and Erik entered his flat, unsuspecting as to the surprise that was awaiting him inside. Charles could feel the heaviness in his mind -- Erik was sad but also calm.

Mrs. Lehnsherr was up to her feet instantly, standing in front of Erik with determination.

“Tell me where my son is.” She insisted.

Erik looked at her, then glanced at Charles, then back at her again. He seemed exhausted.

Their eyes met. Once look was enough for Erik to understand what the telepath was doing. He did not fight it. He let his mind barriers down, inviting Charles in. Charles’ brows furrowed in concentration as he looked for the information he needed. Mrs. Lehnsherr, already aware of Charles’ abilities and his plan, was waiting patiently, giving him time to find the location of her son.

The tension in the room was so thick one could cut it with a knife. Slowly Charles exhaled, his lips parting a little, his heart getting heavier with each passing moment, before…

“Well? Where is he?” Edie asked nervously.

“Here.” Charles replied simply. “Here’s your son, Mrs. Lehnsherr.” he said, defeated, as he pointed at Erik.

“Hi, mama...” Erik whispered.

Edie looked at him head to toe, her eyes going wide. “You’re both out of your minds…” she whispered back, but her unshed tears indicated her heart had seen the truth her eyes refused to believe.

“ _I definitely am_.” Charles muttered to himself as he watched the reunion between mother and son.

There sure was a lot of catching up to do. After many explanations, of course.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trying to update as fast as I can. Thank you all for your awesome comments, they're inspiring me to keep writing and making my day!  
> I hope you're enjoying the story! :)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two updates in one day? No way!  
> That's how much I love you, my darlings!

Charles was paralyzed. There was nowhere for him to go while Erik and his mother were hugging, and crying, and laughing, and she was going _Oh, let me look at you, how grown you are_ , and he was going _Maaama,_ and they were repeating to one another how much they missed each other. Charles just had to remain there in that armchair, his lips pursed, his hands gripping tightly at the armrest while he tried to keep his face in tact.

It took Mrs. Lehnsherr a while to believe that this was indeed her son but once she looked closely, properly, into that face, once he told her things only Erik and his mother would know, then she believed it. And once again Charles had his proof.

He got what he wanted. He got the truth. He even got to touch Erik’s mind. It was ironic that it should all happen this way. Now that his telepathy was back he wanted nothing more but to jam that syringe inside his arm again, feel the liquid inside his vein and wait for his powers to shut down. But he didn’t. Not yet. He wasn’t sure if Erik and Edie wouldn’t need him as a telepath later on so he just waited.

While his face remained expressionless, even if it were a little paler than usual, his thoughts were on a loop, _“I slept with a teenager. I blew a teenager. Several times. I let said teenager blow me in return. Again, several times. I touched him and he touched me. I’m a despicable human being. I’m a sick man, a very sick sick man.”_

This went over and over in his head without a pause, constant and relentless. The accusatory inner voice went on and on without mercy. But why would it be merciful? Charles deserved no mercy. What he had done was disgusting.

“Thank you! Thank you so much!”

He suddenly realized Edie Lehnsherr was looking at him, she was thanking _him_. For corrupting her boy. For taking her young son to his bed and--

“I would never have known the truth if it weren’t for you!” Edie continued, making Charles feel even worse with each word.

“Please, don’t thank me.” he heard himself say. His voice was distant and hoarse. He cleared his throat, clenching the armrest even tighter. “There’s no need for that.”

As if to ruin Charles completely Erik spoke too, his eyes sparkling with excitement. “Charles was so good to me, mama!” he said, smiling brightly. “He helped me a lot when the stress was too much and I was so confused about the world.”

Charles felt even more sick with himself now.

Erik kept on talking, telling his mother about his work and his plans for the future of mutant kind. Edie listened to him with pride in her eyes. But there was something else Charles could detect from her mind. It was sadness. She was sad with the heavy feeling that her son was not going to return to her. That she’s lost him. Charles was familiar with that feeling.

He cleared his throat. “Perhaps I should leave now.” he said, taking out the syringe from his pocket where he kept it. “If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to need to inject myself with this…”

Charles had a period of his life when he was never sober. He had been drinking all the time, wallowing in self-pity and devastation. However, this was the first time in his life when he truly felt like an addict. He couldn’t even get up and leave without his syringe, without his fix.

His hands were trembling even as he brought the needle to his flesh.

“Here, let me.” Erik offered, surprising Charles as well as Mrs. Lehnsherr. “What? I’m not an idiot. I can do this.”

Charles let Erik take the syringe and silently waited, meek and obedient. In the background Edie mentioned something about her son being so grown-up, responsible and caring now. A mother’s pride. A mother’s love. Another thing Charles wasn’t quite familiar with.

He licked his dry lips, fiddling about until he could feel his legs again. “Thanks.” he said without looking Erik in the eyes. How could he face Erik? How could he ever face Erik?

“Charles…” Erik’s voice was almost a whisper, a breath. Erik wanted to talk to him, wanted to clear things out.

“Stay with your mother, Erik. We’ll talk later.” Charles replied, forcing a smile to his face as he finally got up and walked towards the door.

Before he went out Edie Lehnsherr hugged him, pressing him tightly to her chest. “Thank you! You’re a very good man for loving my boy so much!”

Charles wanted to gasp and cry and sob and throw stuff and punch himself. He only pursed his lips, exiting Erik’s flat. And probably Erik’s life too.

~*~

“I can’t come back, mama.” Erik told her seriously, after they spent some time just being together.

They were holding hands now, only hers were shaking a little.

“I thought you’d say that.” she said. “I still entertained some hope that you might change your mind.”

Erik shook his head. “I’m doing too much good here. I make actual difference! We already created the mutant anti-bullying program. And there’s a very important debate coming at the end of the month. Raven needs me, I cannot let her down.”

Edie nodded silently, smiling but through tears.

“It’s what you always wanted.” She said, lovingly.

He nodded. “Yes. It is.” he confirmed. “I won’t lie to you, it’s really hard being a grown man. I feel like I jumped from level 2 to level 22 and it’s an entirely different game. But I know it’s worth it. I feel happy to know I’m doing something useful. Something that matters.”

“You’ve always mattered, Erik. Remember that, you've always mattered.”

He kissed her forehead. “Thank you. For always believing with me.”

She smiled, cupping his cheek. “But of course, my darling boy! You’re my precious heart, don’t you know?”

He smiled at her too, leaning into the touch of her tender hand.

“I could stay with you, you know.” she then offered. “I could move to New York and stay with you. I’ll find a job and everything. My home is where you are. You don’t have to be alone here.”

Erik frowned.

“Just because you look 30 doesn’t mean you have to be away from your mother.” she teased.

Erik’s face fell a little. He instantly thought of Charles. He had a feeling that his mother staying with him in New York would make things between him and Charles a bit trickier and a lot more awkward.

“It’s really fine, mama. I’m not lonely. And I can take care of myself.” he said carefully.

“Ah.” she inhaled slowly. “This young man, your friend Charles. You spend a lot of time with him?”

“Well…” Erik felt his cheeks heating up and he desperately hoped he wasn’t blushing. “We _are_ good friends.”

“Yet you never told him what happened, about your age.” she continued.

“I tried this one time but--” he sighed. “Mama, why are we talking about Charles now? This has nothing to do with Charles. I just like being independent.”

“And I’ll just be getting in your way.” Her smile was sad.

“Mama, no. You’re not getting in my way…” Erik muttered. Darn it, this was hard!

“I thought I still had a few more years left before we reached this point but… I guess we’re there now.” She chuckled. There was still so much fondness and love in her voice.

“So you’re not mad at me?” Erik asked hopeful.

“I’m your mother, Erik. Mothers can’t really stay mad at their children.”

“Thank you, mama!” He pulled her into another hug.

“I hope your friends take good care of you.” she said, stroking the back of his head like she used to. “And don’t forget to call me at least 3 times a week. And to visit at least 2 times a month.”

Erik laughed. “I won’t forget, mama!”

“And _please_ , don’t leave your toys on the floor!” she teased again.

Erik laughed, shaking his head.

~*~

Two days later there was a knock on Charles’ door. Charles assumed it was Raven so he took his time to open. He hoped he wasn’t too much of a mess because if he were he knew he’d never hear the end of it.

It wasn’t Raven.

“Erik.” Charles said surprised. He felt self-conscious, dirty and unshaven that he was. Then internally scolded himself for his vanity. He should not be concerned about his looks, he was not supposed to be handsome for Erik.

“Hi.” Erik smiled a little sheepishly. It was still adorable and Charles wanted to curse himself.

Erik stood there, seemingly waiting for something so Charles felt obligated to say, “I would offer you to come in but--”

“Thank you!” Erik grinned his toothy grin and practically flew past Charles and inside the flat. “Well, close the door already!” Erik gave him an amused glance.

Charles swallowed and closed the door. He wrapped his robe tighter around himself and furrowed his brows in what he hoped was a dignified and very grown-up manner. “What can I do for you?”

“You can stop acting like an old fart and give me a hug for starters.” Erik grinned, opening his arms for Charles.

Charles instantly took a step back.

Erik frowned. “What is it?” he asked.

Charles’ jaw slacked. He was actually asking that?

“Erik, I’m not sure it’s a good idea that you’re here.” Charles said delicately.

“But why? I thought now that we cleared the misunderstanding and you know I didn’t lie to you, we’re good.”

Erik sounded so hopeful, so naive, so… _child-like_. Charles watched him in astonishment, wondering how come he never noticed the glaringly obvious signs of him being a teenager before.

“Are you still mad at me?” Erik asked, his eyes filling with worry. His hands went up Charles’ arms and settled on Charles’ shoulders, giving them a little rub with his thumbs.

Charles’ whole body went rigid.

“I’m not mad at you, Erik.” Charles finally said. He really wasn’t. He was just exhausted. Too exhausted to be mad at anyone but himself. “But what were you expecting to happen here? Why did you come?”

Erik frowned. He was so gorgeous. Charles despised himself even more for still seeing Erik as the handsome clever man he had fallen for instead the teenager that Erik truly was.

“I wanted us to not fight anymore.” Erik replied honestly. “I thought you _saw things_ in my head. I thought you _knew_.”

Charles had indeed seen everything in Erik’s head. He knew what Erik felt for him. That did not make things any less difficult. Maybe if Erik didn’t care for him it would’ve been much easier for Charles to keep his distance. But Erik _did_ care. He cared a lot. Charles was Erik’s very first love but no matter how he looked at it he just had to break Erik’s heart. Had to break _both_ their hearts…

“I’m sorry, Erik. But you’re 14.” he said, trying to sound firm and decisive. He hadn’t used that tone of voice since Raven was a teenager and he had to pass for an authority around her.

“So?” Erik looked crashed. “You were the one who told me age didn’t matter. You said you’d love me no matter how old I was. Age is just a number, remember?”

Charles gaped. “You’re _FOURTEEN_ !”

“You said you’d love me no matter my age! Was that a lie?”

“You’re bloody 14! Don’t you see how wrong this is?”

Erik pursed his lips, his eyes resolute. “So now that you know my secret you no longer love me? I’m no longer good for you?”

“What? No! That’s not what I said at all!” He ran his fingers through his hair. What, the hell, was happening here? How did he let it go this far? “Erik, you’re a lovely person and I care for you very much--”

“You used to love me. Good to know you’ve downgraded me to ‘care’.” Erik mumbled.

“-- but this cannot continue the way it used to…”

“Pfft!”

“Don’t do this, Erik. Don’t make this harder than it already is.” Charles warned.

“Love does not alter when it alteration finds! It looks on tempests and is never bloody shaken! I know my Shakespeare, Charles! If you truly loved me, you’d love me still.”

“I DO BLOODY LOVE YOU!” Charles blurted out before he could catch himself. So much for being a mature adult handling things with finesse. He was so angry, so desperate. Tears were welling up in his eyes. Tears he refused to shed but then again, did he even have a choice? “I do love you! I do want you! Can’t you see how difficult this is for me? You’re a _teenager_ , Erik! An actual teenager and what I did to you--”

“You did nothing! I wanted all of that! I love you too! Surely that makes it okay?” Erik pleaded.

Some selfish part of Charles wanted to say _yes_. Erik did look like a grown man, Erik was quite mature. Besides, no one would ever know! Even Erik’s mother would eventually understand. Perhaps. And not think Charles a pervert for loving her son. But that was the illogical part of Charles. The part of Charles that craved Erik’s tender affections and passionate love. That was the dangerous part of Charles that had to be kept in check.

“Please, just go to your mother. Please.” Charles whispered, closing his eyes. Seeing Erik looking at him in that way, so close and pleading, was too much of a temptation.

“She’s not here. She went back. It’s just me again.” Erik replied, softly. “ _I’m all yours_.”

It was like the Universe just didn’t want Charles to be a good person this day. He could scream.

“Erik, you should go back with her.” he finally said, when he thought he could trust his own voice. “You should go back home. Be 14 again. Be--”

“I’m not doing that! Fuck that!” Erik gasped. “So don’t pretend to be a bloody saint and think rationally for once!”

Charles was dumbfounded. He did not expect another outburst.

Erik’s hands found their way around Charles’ waist. He pressed his nose to Charles’ cheek, breathing in Charles’ scent. Charles, who hadn’t bathed the last couple of days, felt even more self-conscious now. Erik didn’t seem to mind at all, bringing them even closer to one another.

“I just want us to be happy again.” he whispered in Charles’ ear. “I have the life I always wanted. I’m doing great things and you know it. I’m not giving that up. And I ask of you to be by my side. To be with me. To help me do it. I’m asking you to be _mine_ , Charles. I know you want this just as much as I want it. So don’t be foolish, don’t make sacrifices no one asked of you, and say _yes_ to me.”

Charles swallowed, his heart was pounding wildly in his chest. He could hardly stand on his feet.  

Erik slowly pulled away. His gaze was intense as he stared into Charles’ eyes.

“Ours is not a usual case. So the usual rules do not apply.” Erik uttered, heading towards the door. “I’ll return tomorrow. I hope you think this through by then.”

That said, Erik walked out and used his mutation to lock the door behind himself. Charles stood still for a long moment, not sure if he could even make a step. His whole world was reduced to ashes and darkness. The only bright thing standing out bright and strong were Erik’s eyes, intense, hard, demanding, _loving_. How does one decide between a sinner’s heaven and a saint’s hell?


	9. Chapter 9

Erik really did give Charles one day to make a decision. Although he truly didn’t see why would Charles even need this long. They loved one another, they were great together. What more was there to think about? Technically, Erik was an adult. Physically, Erik was an adult. By all visible signs, Erik was an adult. What did it matter that he was a teenager a little over 4 months ago?

Charles loved him. Or so he said. Erik believed Charles but he was worried some deluded sense of morality or propriety would hold Charles back from accepting Erik back into his life.

Erik wasn’t giving Charles up. He wasn’t giving their love up. This was a war and he was ready to fight it! He was ready to win it! One way or another, he’ll get Charles to admit his feelings openly and without shame. It was just a matter of time.

~*~

“My decision is final, Erik.” Charles said. He looked so tired. There were dark circles under his eyes and he hardly had the energy to talk, let alone argue with Erik.

Erik felt bad. He didn’t mean to put Charles through all that. He only wanted Charles to take him back again.

“And you won’t change your mind?” he asked one last time.

Charles shook his head. “I won’t let myself change my mind.” he replied.

Erik felt great terror in his chest. “But I cannot lose you, Charles! I cannot! I need you! Especially now when you’re the only person around who knows about me! I need you by my side! You can’t just abandon me!”

“I am not abandoning you, Erik.” Charles said calmly. “If you need anything, you can always come to me. I’ll be here whenever you feel like you need a friend, someone who knows the special situation you’re in.” Before Erik could feel hopeful again, Charles added, “But there can never be anything more than friendship between us. Not anymore. Even if--” his voice wavered a little but he got it under control. “Even if my feelings for you are deeper than they should be, there cannot be--” He trailed off.

Erik was waiting. Charles sighed.

“Physical love.” he finished.

“So no sex?”

Charles shook his head. “It’s inappropriate.”

“What about hugs?”

“Hugs are alright.” Charles replied patiently.

“What about cuddles?” Erik continued.

Charles frowned, hesitant. “I guess cuddles are alright, too. Under certain circumstances.”

Erik dared not ask about kisses. He had a feeling he knew the answer to that already. Besides, getting Charles to not throw him out of his life completely was already an achievement!

“So I can come to you, whenever I need your emotional support?” he asked again, just to make sure. “I can depend on you and we can still be friends?”

Charles looked very very tense but still he nodded. “Yes.”

Erik nodded too. “I see. Thank you.”

“There’s no need to thank me.” Charles said.

“Can I hug you now or…?”

Charles inhaled slowly, tiredly. “Um. Alright.”

Erik slowly approached Charles and carefully put his arms around him, mindful to not be too intimate and set off the alarms in Charles’ head.

The hug was quick and chaste. Charles seemed to approve. Erik hated it but he had to pretend to be fine with it.

“I guess I’ll see you around then.” Erik smiled.

Charles smiled too. “Yes.” he replied.

He still looked like a ghost.

~*~

When Charles said Erik could come to him whenever he needed emotional support, he didn’t think Erik would need it _this_ often. Since when was Erik suddenly so emotional and needy anyway? Erik was one of the strongest and most resilient persons Charles knew! Not that Charles minded helping Erik out and being there for him, but it was not always easy to make himself think of Erik in a platonic way. Charles’ body was still very much associating Erik with orgasms and that was messing with his mind more often than he’d like to admit.

They were still hanging out together quite often and it was always perfectly innocent. They spent their time like they used to back when they were only friends. And after the initial awkward phase, Charles was pleased to discover that their chemistry as friends was still very much in tact. Once they got used to the new dynamics, it was really pleasant spending his time with Erik like this. Even if occasionally he did want more, he managed to resist it and remain a person Erik could depend on.

Very often Erik would apologize for bothering Charles. But he admitted that it was a strenuous time for him with the stress and preparations around the debate and juggling the various other projects he was working on. He needed to relax. Charles was aware what the cause meant to Erik so he was there for the man. The boy. He was there for the boy, he mentally corrected himself.

Erik never once mentioned or tried anything inappropriate. It was like his love had transformed into a platonic one and Charles was grateful for that. Even if he did feel quite guilty for not being able to do the same this quickly…

Raven sensed that something was different between them so she occasionally threw Charles a curious look. But Charles told her nothing. He had promised Erik to keep his secret and so he did. Lots of people depended on Erik, there was no time for silly distractions. And Erik was exceptional! He took on more work, as efficient as ever, full of ideas for action and activities to help. It was not right to stop him when he was doing so much good. His own mother couldn’t stop him and accepted this arrangement, who was Charles to protest?

“Mind if I stay here tonight? I’m too lazy to go home and… I kinda don’t want to be alone…” Erik said one evening after they had a TV dinner.

“Um, sure. Yes.” Charles nodded. “I’ll prepare the couch.”

Erik frowned. “The couch?”

Charles’ voice was very very low. Pleading. “You know you have to take the couch, Erik.”  

Erik nodded. “The couch it is then.”

Charles’ couch was adjustable so it was hardly any less comfortable than a real bed.

“I still have one of your old T-shirts.” Charles said. “I’ll go get it.”

“Oh, that’d be good.” Erik smiled.

When Charles returned to the living room Erik was already stripped to his boxer shorts. It was unexpected. Charles froze in one place, grip faltering a little as he clenched at the cotton material of Erik's old tee. His mouth went dry. 

“Ah, the t-shirt.” Erik pulled it from Charles’ hands. “Thanks. Good night.”

“G-good night.”

It took him a moment to remind himself to turn around and walk away. His palms were sweaty and his heart was pounding. He hated the way his cock instantly took interest in the shape of Erik’s body. He closed the door behind him hastily and tried to steady his breathing. _Erik was a teenager. Erik was teenager. Even if he did look like a gorgeous fully grown man, he was still a teenager!_ Charles reminded himself of the fact long enough to feel sick with himself again and that did the trick. His semi-hard cock finally softened and Charles could go to bed almost peacefully.

~*~

During that same night he felt the mattress shift with someone else’ weight. He clicked the night lamp on to find Erik in his bed.

“Erik. What are you doing here?”

“Please. Let me sleep here. I had a nightmare.”

He looked like a scorned puppy. Charles suppressed a sigh.

“Can’t we find another way to deal with your nightmare?” he asked.

Erik shook his head. “I’m afraid to go back there.”

“You know you’re the scariest thing around, right? New Yorkers and senators are actually afraid of you.” Charles reminded. But when Erik looked so vulnerable and upset, what could he do? “Alright. Hop in.”

Erik beamed, shifting more comfortable under the blankets. “Thanks!”

Charles turned off the lights again and bit his lower lip. Hard. It wasn’t like he and Erik were _doing_ things. They were in one bed, yes, but they were only _sleeping_ . There was nothing wrong with that. Nothing wrong with them just _sleeping_ in the same bed.

He heard Erik’s even breathing from the other side and only then did he relax. Erik was asleep. Now only if Charles could fall asleep too.

~*~

One of the things Erik did was visit the local Young Mutants center. When Erik first arrived in New York the center was barely ever full. Now it had almost all local kids coming to meetings twice a week. It was a safe space for them. Whether they’ve been through trauma or just wanted to play with other mutants, whether they had good control over their powers or needed more practice and professional help -- they were all welcome and they all liked coming here. Erik was proud to know that this was partly thanks to him. His ideas for improving the center and bringing more people into it had been ‘pretty cool’ as Raven had eloquently put it one day. Erik came to the meetings regularly, not as a young mutant but but as a _mentor_. It made him feel proud and quite important as well as helpful. It was a good feeling.

It was mostly Charles’ doing that Erik started this. He was going to watch the result from afar and not talk to these kids personally. Let Raven send someone else, someone more experienced to discuss the delicate topics with these young minds. But Charles insisted that Erik was the right person for the job. He claimed that Erik would be able to understand the youngsters better and tell them things in ways that would truly be of use to them. Unfortunately, his passionate recommendation in front of Raven brought him nothing but embarrassment. After hearing him out Raven giggled, making a clever remark on how good Erik would be with kids and wiggling her eyebrows at Charles which instantly made her brother blush tomato red. Erik pretended he didn’t notice and looked at his notes for today’s meeting instead. Yet it was always a pleasure to find that despite his calm exterior Charles was still quite smitten with him. It was moments like this that brought an enjoyable flutter to Erik’s stomach and gave him hope that things weren’t lost between them. After all, Erik wasn’t going to be 14 forever. Eventually he’ll become of age when Charles wouldn’t have reasons to feel bad for wanting him. He just had to be patient to get there and in the meantime make Charles feel comfortable around him again.

Today’s meeting at the Young Mutants center was about Mutants in Academia. Charles, being one of the people with a PhD in the Mystique Bunch, was going to give this week’s lecture with Erik. Erik had created a sort of an interview and mediated the entire discussion with ease. It went pretty well. The teens loved it and Erik had the feeling they all headed home a little more hopeful about their future and what they could do.

Charles was smiling too, inspired and excited that he participated in this.

“Well, that went really well! I’m very impressed.” He told Erik as they were watching the other kids leave.

“I think it was really good for them too.” Erik replied.

“I agree! I could tell by their questions and--”

“Oh, sorry! Here comes Bobby Drake with an extra question, no doubt.” Erik chuckled with a headshake. “This boy! He always stays late to talk more.”

“Oh, okay. That’s good. He’s interested in mutant stuff.” Charles smiled approvingly.

“It won’t take too long. Can you wait for me?”

Charles nodded. “Of course.”

Bobby Drake was 15. His mutation was to control ice. This time he brought Erik a small ice figurine of an edelweiss. “Since we talked about gardens the last time. And you’re as rare as this flower so I made it for you.” The boy said with a shy smile.

“Oh, thanks, Bobby. It’s really pretty.” Erik said, taking the flower and carefully placing it on his desk. “So what questions have you for me this time?”

“Questions? Oh, yes. Right. I have a few questions.” Bobby said, scratching the back of his head.

Bobby’s questions started quite general and then slowly became more specific and centered mostly around Erik and his experience as a mutant boy in an unaccepting environment. He was stuttering slightly as he spoke to Erik but took in every word with sparkling admiration in his eyes. Erik felt so knowledgeable. He told Bobby a few things about his own childhood, shared a couple of funny stories and gave whatever advice he thought was appropriate for Bobby. All this while Charles did not interrupt, not even once, even though his eyes were watching them both as a hawk.

“You’re very wise!” the young boy finally said, taking Erik’s hand. It lingered there longer than it normally should. “Will you be coming here again next week?”

“As usual.” Erik grinned back.

“Can we talk more then?”

“We always do.”

“I’ll be waiting…”

That said Bobby left, turning around to smile at Erik again and again as he went. Erik shook his head with amusement.

“He always comes to you? After every meeting?” Charles asked, lips pursed.

“Yeah.” Erik nodded smiling. “He’s a good kid.”

“Sure he is.” Charles mumbled grumpily.

“Well, yeah. He’s got good grades and he’s really nice to me.”

“Brings you little ice figurines twice a week, apparently.”

“He does, occasionally.” Erik frowned, not quite following what Charles’ point was.

“He seems to be quite fond of you.”

“Surely that’s a good thing.” Erik chuckled. But then he noticed something was off with Charles. “You okay?”

“Yes. Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?” Charles replied but it was kind of haste and nervous.

“You’re all jittery and you’re just-- acting weird. Are you sure you’re alright?”

“Let’s just go. Okay?” Charles almost snapped.

Erik’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Okay! Whatever you say, Professor!”

Charles frowned. “Stop that. I’m just tired.”

They walked towards the car.

“You weren’t tired a moment ago.” Erik noted.

“So what, I can’t be tired now?”

He sounded so irritated. Erik wasn’t sure what he’d done wrong. Where this came from all the sudden?

“Alright, Charles. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to annoy you…”

Charles sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “You didn’t. It’s-- I’m just tired. I want to go home. I’m tired.”

Erik was not quite convinced but there was nothing else for him to do. He took Charles home.

~*~

This night Erik slipped into Charles’ bed again. It had become a sort of a habit for him lately to stay over at Charles’ flat, on the adjustable couch. And on few occasions he’d move to sleep in Charles’ bed for half of the night. Charles was almost used to it by now. But this time he suddenly felt Erik’s arm wrap around him, pulling him closer, pressing their bodies together as Erik spooned him.

Charles swallowed and tensed.

“What are you doing?” he asked quietly.

“Hmm, sleeping.” Erik replied. He sure sounded sleepy. Maybe that really was all there was to it.

“Okay.” Charles allowed and closed his own eyes.

A moment later, Erik’s nose was in the crook of Charles’ neck, inhaling deeply Charles’ scent.

“Erik…”

“It relaxes me.” Was Erik’s excuse. “You smell nice here.”

This could be platonic for Erik. People can snuggle and smell someone without it having anything to do with sex. Just a bit of innocent human affection. And Erik had just woken up by a nightmare again so he needed the reassurance. Him snuggling like that to Charles didn’t necessarily do to Erik what it did to Charles. There was no cause for panic, yet.

Charles tried to clear his head from all sorts of inappropriate thoughts and closed his eyes again.

Erik wriggled some more from behind him, shifting and making himself comfortable as various parts of him rubbed at Charles’ back and bum. Finally he relaxed, almost completely trapping Charles with his own body. His hand slid down Charles’ torso to rest on Charles’ thigh, too close to Charles’ ass.  

“Erik, please…” Charles begged when he felt Erik’s thumb rubbing gently at his thigh.

“I’m sleeping. We’re just sleeping. It’s okay.” Came Erik’s voice. But it did not sound sleepy this time. It did not sound sleepy at all. “Just relax.”

“Erik.” Charles let out a pained sigh. “Don’t do this to me, please.”

“What? I only want to snuggle.” Charles gave him a look. “I mean it. I had a nightmare. I don’t want to stay there alone.”

Charles sighed but said nothing. Erik cuddled close to him again, perfectly platonic, until his hands once more began to feel more adventurous. Charles could feel Erik’s chest rising and falling with each hot breath. He could feel Erik stiffen, his hardening cock poking at Charles’ ass. This was no platonic cuddle. Charles had to stop this. At once!

He jumped and sat up in bed, turning the light back on.

“Erik, you promised!” he gasped.

Erik sat up too. “I want you, Charles. What’s the big deal?”

“What’s the big deal? You’re 14, that’s the big deal.”

“I’m almost 15.” Erik groaned, leaning close to kiss Charles’ neck. “Besides, I’m a grown man with grown man’s needs.”

Charles pulled away. “You may look big but you’re not. You’re a kid, Erik. I can’t do this.”

“I know you want me too, Charles. I don’t see why you’re torturing us both. We did it before. What’s the difference now?”

“The difference is that now _I know_.” Charles swallowed, looking down. He seemed really upset about it.

“And what am I supposed to do? I _want_ you.”

“You have me. As a--”

“A what? A parent? Please!”

“I’m only trying to--”

“If you’re not going to give me what I want, there are plenty of people who would.” Erik said. His tone was resolute. He was angry, Charles could tell. Angry and hurt.

“Erik, no. Please, Erik no.” Charles pleaded.

“I am a grown-up in their eyes. I’m decent looking. And I’m a good kisser, so I’ve heard.” Charles remembered all the times he’d praised Erik’s kissing technique back before he knew that he was making out with a teenager. He grimaced. “I’m sure others wouldn’t object.” Erik added.

The mere idea of some stranger touching Erik, taking advantage, made Charles sick in the stomach.

“You wouldn’t.” he said. “You can’t.”

“Then give me what I want. Give _us_ what we _both_ want.”

He pulled Charles closer to himself and planted kisses to Charles’ jaw, then his neck, then his collarbone. Gentle, intoxicating caresses that set fire to Charles’ soul and set him on fire at the same time. It was so difficult to not allow yourself to have the one thing you wanted the most.

“You’re being cruel.” Charles whispered, his voice sounding like he was about to start sobbing.

Erik froze. “Cruel? _I’m_ being cruel!? I’ll tell you what’s cruel! You leaving me, that’s what’s cruel!”

“Erik, I’m trying to do the right thing here! I’m trying to be a decent person! Do you think this has been easy for me?”

“Then stop fighting it!” Erik pleaded. “Stop this and let things be like they used to. We were happy together, Charles. Don’t ruin what we had.”

“What we had was based on a lie.” Charles insisted. “I cannot live in a lie.”

Erik pursed his lips. “Then stop lying to yourself. You don’t see me as a teenager. I notice the way you look at me. You really think I’m dumb enough not to notice?”

Charles buried his face in his hands.

“Look at me, Charles! Look at me and tell me you don’t wish we were together.”

Charles sighed and looked at him. “I want it.” He confessed. “I still love you. And I still want you. And I still look at you and dream of-- but I cannot. The more I think of you like that, the more I hate myself. Don’t you understand that?”

Erik was silent. Charles took his hand and laced their fingers together.

“I will always cherish our memories together. And you’ll always be the man I fell in love with. But we cannot let this continue like that. Something needs to change, Erik. Or our love will only degenerate. I don’t want that for us.”

Erik swallowed. “So what then? What do we do?”

“I don’t know.” Charles replied honestly. “I don’t have all the answers. Grown-ups don’t know all the answers.”

Erik pffed. “Tell me about it.”

Neither looked into the other’s face. Instead their eyes were cast down to their intertwined hands.

“I was jealous today, y’know.” Charles confessed. “When we were at the center and Bobby Drake came to you, I was jealous.”

“So that’s what it was.” Erik nodded in understanding. He sounded only slightly amused.

Charles chuckled. “Yes. That’s what it was. I could tell he had an obvious crush on you and I just hated that little bastard.”

Erik grinned too. “Bobby’s a good kid.”

“And so are you.” Charles smiled, rubbing his thumb over Erik’s hand. “I think you should go back. Be a student again. Be a teenager. Date, laugh, have friends. Be yourself.”

“Charles--”

“No, please, hear me out.” Erik waited silently. “You don’t have to be a grown-up to make a difference. You don’t have to be big to _be big._ You want to do great things, well, you can. Big things have small beginnings, Erik. Just look at the world. Every big tide wave starts as a small ripple. You could make school unions, bring together other mutant children, help younger mutants and older ones too. Raven and her group would definitely help you with that. You _can_ make a difference. And you are not alone.”

Erik’s fingers twitched a little in Charles’ hand.

“What about you?” he asked softly. “What will happen to you?”

Charles forced a smile to his face. “Well, I guess I’ll see you in 10 years.”

Erik chuckled. But he sounded sad. “I’ll definitely look you up then!”

Charles swallowed. “You probably won’t even remember me...”

“Charles... I could never forget you. You-- you’re unforgettable.”

Charles smiled, there were tears in his eyes but he tried to swallow them back.

Erik’s face darkened. “Will you miss me too much?” he asked, fearing the answer a

little.

“Oh, I’ll miss you very much, Erik.” Charles confessed, biting his already cherry lips. “I’ll miss you terribly. But I’ll be fine. I don’t want you to worry about me.”

“You could make a wish, you know? I’ll get you to meet Alzador and you could wish to come with me? It would be awesome growing up with you by my side.”

Charles laughed, shaking his head. “No, definitely not! All of that again? Being a

teenager was hard enough the first time. You know what I mean?”

Erik tilted his head. Charles sighed.

“You don’t know what I mean.” his hand rested on Erik’s arm. “You’ll grow up into a fine young man, Erik. You’ve already done so much. You’ll do so much more in your life. But in all this rush and haste, don’t forget to be a kid.”

Erik said nothing. His hand clenching at Charles as if afraid to let him go.

“Growing up is a journey. You should not skip any of it. There’s no shortcut. There are things you need to figure out in your own time.”

Erik nodded. “I think I understood that myself for some time now. But I was afraid to admit it.” he swallowed, looking up into Charles’ eyes. “I love you, Charles. I truly do.”

Charles smiled through tears. “I know. I love you too, Erik.”

He placed a kiss to Erik’s cheek. They slid down, their heads on the pillows now, snuggling.

“Tell me about your home?” Charles suggested.

Erik smiled and spoke softly of his childhood memories. Charles listened. And as he listened a warm and pleasant feeling settled in his stomach. Erik wasn’t his to keep. And he was alright with that. There was still time. Erik still had to attend the debate in a couple of days. And they still needed to find Alzador to turn Erik back into his 14-year old self. Until then Charles could stay here, in Erik’s arms, listening to Erik’s stories and feeling at home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Three updates in one day!? Whaaaat!? Do you love me or do you love me? ^_~
> 
> P.S. The idea of Charles being jealous of another 14-year old crushing on Erik came from [Blue_here](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Blue_hare/pseuds/Blue_hare) . Thanks for the suggestion, dear! ^_^
> 
> P.P.S. Comment what ending do you expect or hope for. I'm really curious to know before I post the actual final chapter(s) of this story :) 
> 
> Once again, thank you for reading, kudos-ing and commenting! 


	10. Chapter 10

Erik woke up the next morning before Charles did, as usual. Charles was not a morning person like Erik, Charles liked sleeping in. Erik smiled, a wave of fondness rising in his chest at the sight of Charles sleeping peacefully next to him. They were still snuggled cozily, tangled together, their bodies intertwined. It was blissful. For a moment Erik allowed himself to imagine that things were still simple between them, that their love was not deemed wrong in Charles’ eyes and they could just enjoy their happiness. The fact that he could feel Charles’ morning erection poking at his thigh only added to the realism of his daydream. Erik allowed himself a few blissful minutes of fantasy, before he returned to reality. He knew he couldn’t remain in bed and wait for Charles to wake up as he would like to. It’d only make things awkward between them again. And then Charles would feel terrible if he knew Erik noticed his arousal, as a result he would probably distance himself from Erik again. Erik couldn’t risk that.

Carefully he shifted in Charles’ greedy-octopus arms and slid out of the bed, mindful not to wake up the other man. He then went to the bathroom to take a quick shower before heading to the kitchen to make breakfast.

When Charles emerged from the bedroom almost an hour later Erik grinned at him, glad that he took his time before starting the food preparations so that they could eat together.

“Erik, you shouldn’t have.” Charles smiled fondly at him.

Erik blushed, cheeks heating up as he caught himself wondering if Charles had touched himself thinking of Erik this morning or did he just patiently ‘calmed himself down’, so to speak. The image was too much so Erik did his best to quickly push all inappropriate thoughts at the back of mind and smiled at Charles in return.

“Morning, sleepyhead.” he greeted.

“Morning.” Charles sat down at the table. “This looks amazing, Erik, but you really shouldn’t have bothered with breakfast.”

“It’s no bother at all. You know I like cooking.” Erik said.

Charles chuckled. “Admit it, you were just afraid I’ll burn the toast.” he teased.

Erik pretended to give it some thought. “Maybe that did cross my mind.”

“Dork!” Charles grinned and Erik couldn’t help but beam back at him in return.

Charles was looking at him with such warmth, with so much affection in those gorgeous blue eyes of his, Erik felt like he was going to burst with joy. The moment was soon over, however, because of course it had to end. Charles suddenly straightened up in his chair and said, “Don’t forget to eat your vegetables too.”

Erik rolled his eyes, a little disappointed at this turn of events. “I made the breakfast. I know what to eat.”

He rather enjoyed teasing Charles and joking with him. It sucked that Charles put an end to that so soon. They were silent for a moment before Charles continued being an old fart by bringing up the topic from last night.

“It’d be good if I start looking for Alzador today.” he said, chewing. “I could hire someone. What do you think?”

Erik quieted down.

“If you’re ready, of course.” Charles added hastily. “You don’t have to do that if you don’t want to.”

Erik frowned, thinking it over. “I know it’s the right thing. This couldn’t have gone on forever. I also know there are so many things that I would like to do now if I were 14 again.” he gave Charles a look, a weak attempt at capturing the playfulness of the previous moments. “Although _technically_ I’d be 15 very soon.”

Charles chuckled, shaking his head. Erik grinned in return.

“I’m being serious, Erik.” Charles said and Erik knew he had to eventually face the subject. He sucked in a deep breath.

“I’m still not sure how I really feel about all this, though.” he confessed.

Charles ignored his breakfast for a moment to gave Erik his undivided attention.

“We’ll do what you want. If you’d rather not go back to your old life after the debate I will respect your decision.” he reassured. “But keep in mind that childhood is a very important part of a person’s life. It’s sad to miss it. Even if it has its-- downsides.”

“Why, Mr. Xavier, are you trying to get rid of me already?” Erik teased, probably to hide how vulnerable this question made him feel.

Charles tittered, giving Erik’s hand a gentle squeeze. “Not at all, darling. You know that I’d keep you forever if I could.” he said and instantly the warm smile disappeared from his face as he paled.

And just like that the carefree atmosphere was completely gone, lost perhaps for the rest of the morning, and instead it was replaced by awkward silence, charged with unspoken tension.

Charles bit his lower lip regretfully. The word _darling_ had slipped out of his mouth before he could stop it. Sure _darling_ was not necessarily a _romantic_ term of endearment but in their case it was a reminder of what they had and lost. It was a slip of the tongue that caused them both pain.  

Charles pulled his hand away from Erik’s, clearing his throat. “Also I notice your nightmares aren’t getting any better.” he noted, looking down at his breakfast again.

Avoiding the _topic of them_ was a welcome distraction for the both of them so Erik plunged into the new discussion almost instantly.

“You think I have nightmares because I’m not really myself? Because of the wish?” he asked.

“I don’t know.” Charles replied, frankly. “It would certainly do no harm to look for answers, though. To know what Alzador has to say about it. To get a better insight of what his mutation truly is like. Might be helpful.”

Erik nodded. He couldn’t fight logic. “That’s true.”

Charles frowned slightly. “Why did you phrase it like that? _Not being yourself?_ ”

Erik shrugged. “I dunno.”

Charles wasn’t buying it. “You still are _you_ , Erik.” he said carefully. “An older version of yourself, sure, but still _you_. It’s not like you’re pretending to be someone else.”

“Sometimes it feels that way.” Erik confessed quietly.

When he glanced up he saw Charles’ eyes were a little wetter than usual, the expression on his face heavy with concern and compassion.

Erik couldn’t have that. He forced himself to chuckle. “Anyway, I have plans for when I’m a teen again. And I _really_ want to go to college. So.” His voice sounded more cheerful this time. “You can start looking for Alzador if you want to.”

“I’ll do as you ask of me.”

“Good, then do as you said.”

“Good.”

“Good.”

Another awkward silence, cut short by Erik this time.

“Can I count on you to get Raven to talk to me and help out with my school activities and plans?”

“Of course!” Charles said enthusiastically. “ _If_ you even need her. You’ve proven yourself capable of moving mountains alone.”

Charles sounded… _proud_ of him. Hmm. Erik basked in the feeling for a moment. And then,

“Don’t forget your vegetables.” Charles reminded again and Erik pursed his lips as an unpleasant feeling settled in the pit of his stomach.

“ ‘m not a baby, you know.” he muttered but Charles only ruffled his hair and put his own plate in the dishwasher.

~*~

They went to work together like they usually did. No one was surprised to see them arriving together anymore, the entire _Bunch_ knew they were an item. Often they’d even tease about it. Apparently the popular opinion was that Charles and Erik were _‘an adorable couple’_ and _‘looked so perfect together’_. Even when they would argue at work and get carried away in a heated discussion, Raven’s favourite thing to say was:

“Is arguing over mutant politics like foreplay for you two?”

For some reason that joke was considered _hilarious_ and everybody loved it.

Charles found it a bit difficult to cope with the remarks sometimes, especially the more crude ones that were only pouring more salt into his wound, but there was no easy way of explaining things to people. Erik didn’t want to share the actual truth, -- who could blame him? Telling the actual story never went well for him in the past, -- and inventing a break-up story would only make it look weird that they still spent so much time together. Either ways it was a lot of explaining that neither of them were willing to do. So they decided to leave things as they were. It was all probably going to be over soon anyway.

Today’s staff meeting was no different than usual. When most of the important topics were already discussed at length and people were getting tired Raven was usually in the habit of cheering everyone up with a few jokes. To help them unwind a bit before continuing with the serious things. This time, again, she jested again about Charles and Erik. However, Charles’ face must’ve given out some of his feelings at the moment because Raven suddenly gave him a pad on the shoulder.

“I’m only teasing, dear.” she said with a fond smile after a particularly nasty joke about the effects of Erik’s mutation on Charles’ libido. “ _You know_ I’m only teasing. I’m just so happy you have someone like Erik in your life.”

Charles smiled a tight smile. “Of course.”

When he glanced at Erik he noticed Erik was blushing extensively. Poor boy couldn’t help himself! He was probably still feeling quite uneasy whenever people teased him about private matters. Charles knew Erik well enough to understand his discomfort so he carefully stirred the conversation back to work as he reached for Erik’s hand underneath the conference table. He wasn’t sure if this gesture of reassurance would be welcome or not but when Erik’s cold fingers clenched around Charles’ hand desperately, Charles knew he did the right thing by offering the emotional support. As the meeting proceeded without any further jokes and interruptions and Erik began relaxing again, only then did Charles let go of his hand.

“Well that’s all for today, fellas.” Raven concluded. “Now, I exciting have news for us all.” she seemed particularly pleased to make her announcement. “Two days from now the most important debate in the history of debates is going to take place.”

Sean laughed. “That’s a gross exaggeration but please continue.”

Raven glared at him good-naturedly and continued. “ _As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted by a redheaded fetus_ ,” the others chuckled, Sean groaned and rolled his eyes with a grin, “we worked hard for this. A national debate. A chance to educated so many people at once on matters that truly matter and that can change lives. An opportunity to actually debate with our haters and shut them up once and for all. We all worked hard for this. None of us more than Erik, of course.”

A round of applause from all the mutants at the table. Angel, who was sitting next to him, even patted him on the back, approvingly.

“So thanks, Erik! For everything you do around here.” A small pause. “And for doing my brother, too. Regular orgasms have done wonders for his complexion.” she winked, causing Erik to blush once again and Charles to purse his lips. He really had to have a serious talk with Raven about her boundaries.

Raven calmed their giggling co-workers and went on. “We worked so hard, I thought we all deserved a little break. So tonight we’re having a party, everyone!” Cheers and approval met the happy announcement. Raven beamed at the positive reaction. “It’s on me so you only have to bring yourselfs to the club and we’re gonna have a great time!”

More cheers as everyone got ready to leave for the party.

Charles and Erik headed towards the door when Raven suddenly pulled them aside.

“Hey, where are you two going? I thought we could drive to the club together.”

“Um, Raven, I think Erik and I should just go home.” Charles replied.  

Raven frowned, looking very much like a disappointed child at this moment. “What? Why?”

“Umm?” Erik gave Charles a questioning look. “I don’t really know…”

“The debate is in two days.” Charles said. “Erik needs to rest.”

“All work and no play, remember?” Raven rolled her eyes. “Come on! Erik always works so much, he deserves a little break. And so do you, Charles. Erik, tell him!”

Charles looked exhausted. “I don’t think Erik would--” he spoke before Erik could even open his mouth.

“Actually, I don’t see why not.” Erik suddenly interrupted, surprising Charles. “It’s our last party before the debate. I don’t see why we shouldn’t go.”

Charles furrowed his brows. “I didn’t think you would enjoy going.” he said.

“Well, maybe you’re wrong. Maybe I want to go.” Erik replied, looking Charles in the eyes.

Charles was biting the inside of his cheek. “Very well, Erik, if you prefer to go, then go.” he finally muttered.

“Thank you for the _permission_.” Erik said tightly. His voice was meant to sound cheerful but there was a certain biting quality to it that Charles hadn’t heard often in him before.

Not quite sure what was happening, Raven remained unusually quiet during this entire exchange of words.

Charles licked his lower lip nervously. “Have a good time, then. I’ll go home though. I’m tired.”  

“Charles, you’re such a grandpa!” Raven rolled her eyes with fond amusement. She gave Charles a hug.  

“Yes, Charles. Such a grandpa.” Erik repeated, the corners of his lips twisting up.

“Bye, children.” Charles said, mock-serious, and left.

As he walked he was clenching his fists tightly, trying to calm himself down. He knew exactly what was going on here. Erik was freaking out at the prospect of going back to being 14 after the debate. It was understandable jitters. Charles himself felt quite disconcerted about it too. Earlier that morning when they agreed to start looking for Alzador, even as he waited for Erik’s decision, Charles had unconsciously held his breath, hopeful and awaiting. It was ridiculous! What was he expecting, that Erik would decide to stay with Charles and that would suddenly make him a real adult? _Wake up, Xavier!_

His fists clenched tighter, his nails almost breaking the skin of his palm. He had to stir his thoughts in a different direction. This was about helping Erik, not about Charles’ issues. And currently Erik was probably acting out because of his nervousness over the change that was about to happen in two days, stressed and overloaded with worries, grasping for whatever grown-up thing he could think of. Apparently a party in this case. No matter what a stupidly bad idea attending that party was! Erik had made some disturbing suggestions the other night about finding himself other sexual partners. Was he going to act on that tonight at Raven’s party? The mere thought was filling Charles’ heart with anger and frustration. He couldn’t let Erik do that but at the same time he couldn’t show how upset he was by the idea. Erik might think Charles was jealous and that would only give him the impression that deep down Charles still harbored some hopes to-- to restore their _sexual_ relationship. Which he _didn’t_ . Which he _totally_ didn’t!

However, he couldn’t stop Erik from going to a party. Erik always did whatever he pleased. Erik would go whenever he wanted and all Charles could do was hope he wouldn’t do anything stupid.

One thing was certain though -- Charles wasn’t going to be at the stupid party and feel like Erik’s nanny!

Without realizing it he had quickened his pace, walking faster as if trying to escape his own thoughts. He heard footsteps of someone running after him.

“Charles!” Erik called.

Charles turned around and frowned. “Erik?”

Erik quickly caught up. _He was in great shape,_ Charles thought absently, cursing himself internally for his thoughts even at a moment like this.  

Erik looked shattered. “Charles, I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over to me just then.” he muttered. “You’re-- you’re not mad at me, are you?”

What was it about Erik that made it impossible for Charles to stay even slightly angry at him for long? He just couldn’t take disappointing Erik when he looked at him like that.

Charles shook his head. “No, of course not.” he said out loud, utterly defeated. “I’m not mad at you, Erik. Enjoy yourself at the party.”

“So you don’t mind me going?” Erik asked hopefully.

Charles smiled bitterly. _As if it mattered if Charles minded or not._

“You’re free to make your own decisions.” he said. “But please, don’t be late and don’t be irresponsible.”

Erik frowned, taken aback by the remark. “What do you mean by that?”

“I just--” Charles stuttered. Erik’s gaze was so piercing and penetrative, it was taking Charles’ breath away. “I just don’t want you to get hurt or-- or taken advantage of.”

Erik groaned. “What do you think I’ll _do_ there, Charles!? Bang the whole bar?”

“N-no, I just--”

“You really have this little faith in me?”

“I have faith in you!”

“Yeah, right! I can see clearly _exactly_ how much faith you have in me.”

Charles was confused for a moment, not sure what to reply. A smirk slowly spread across Erik’s face as a sudden realization downed at him.

“Or are you jealous?” he asked.

Charles summoned all his self-control. “I’m not jealous, Erik. I’m just cautious.” he said patiently.

“Suuure.” Erik’s smirk grew wider. He was so fucking pleased with himself!

Charles pursed his lips. Things were fine only a few hours ago. How did they get to this? “Don’t be like that, Erik.” he rubbed at the bridge of his nose, exhausted. “I’m only trying to look out for you.”

Erik’s smile disappeared from his face, replaced by an angry grimace. “ _Look out for me?_ More like look _after_ me!” he growled.

“Erik.”

“Charles, you’re not my parent and I’m not your child. So stop playing dad, when we both know you’d rather be my _daddy_.”

Charles’ jaw slacked. It was a punch below the waist.

“Just take care of yourself, Erik.” he said and walked away, not turning back.

~*~

Erik felt like shit the moment the words were out of his mouth. He had no idea what came over him. Why was he suddenly feeling this uncontrollable urge to be mean to Charles for no apparent reason. Charles was only trying to help, Charles was worried about him, Charles was carrying and sweet and Erik loved him so much. So why was he constantly getting so frustrated? Everything was so very confusing.

It wasn’t even that Erik wanted to go to the stupid party so badly. He’s already been to grown-up parties before and it was pretty disappointing for him. He didn’t see the point or the appeal. A bunch of drunks acting drunk. The only thing remotely interesting about the last party he attended was Charles and his silly attempts at flirting. An involuntary smile found its way across Erik’s face at the memory.

There was no doubt that Erik loved Charles more than he could ever express in words. And yet he felt this burning rage each time Charles acted like-- like-- _like his parent_. Erik was furious whenever Charles’ concern bordered too much on what one might feel for a kid. It made him feel like Charles thought of him as a stupid kid, treating him like a stupid kid. Most of all he wanted to prove to Charles that he was mature, that Charles was wrong in assuming Erik was a child just because he was born only 14 years ago.

Their silly argument ruined the rest of Erik’s evening. He wondered if Charles was as upset over it as Erik was, or did it not matter if the kid had shouted at him? Could Erik still get to Charles the way an equal would?

Raven drove him to the party but he was quiet during the entire ride. Luckily she talked enough for the both of them so there was no uncomfortable silence.

The party itself was annoying for Erik. He couldn’t really get into it, his mind far away from here, occupied with thoughts about Charles and their fight. It was sad, really. This party was Erik’s last chance of hanging out with Raven and his mutant friends like their equal and co-worker, like the Erik they knew and not like some random 14 year old. And yet, he could not remotely enjoy it. The music was too loud and not to his taste, and everyone around were either drinking or making out. Watching them only made Erik miss Charles more, craving to do things he knew he could never do with Charles again. Oh, how he longed to run his fingers through Charles’ hair, to trace kisses down Charles’ chest, to rub at Charles’ cock and hear Charles’ desperate little moans, the ones he always made whenever he was close, the ones Erik loved hearing so much. Erik still remembered even the tiniest details of their lovemaking in glorious technicolor. He missed it. He missed every moment of it and it was frustrating that Charles wouldn’t allow them to have a physical relationship anymore. Every time Erik attempted to initiate some intimacy between them Charles would instantly pull away as if burnt. Even when Erik tried to steal the slightest, chastest kiss Charles would frown slightly and turn his head quickly so that Erik’s lips always ended up on Charles’ cheek instead on Charles’ beautiful cherry mouth.

Erik wasn’t a fool, he understood where the problem was, he knew why Charles was acting this way. He wasn’t blind either, he knew this was hard on Charles too. It wasn’t easy for Charles, who was so much in love with Erik, to stop seeing him as an adult and keep his distance. Erik understood Charles’ struggle, and he sympathized. But that still didn’t change the fact that he found it all extremely frustrating. To be unable to be to Charles what he truly wanted to be to him -- a lover, a boyfriend, a mate. He _loved_ Charles, he _liked kissing_ Charles, he _wanted_ Charles. All of Charles, body, soul and mind. But he could not have Charles like that anymore. Instead he got Charles acting like Erik was his ward. Like Charles was _responsible for him_. Maybe that was the real reason Erik was so angry. Maybe that was why Erik wanted to hurt Charles with cruel words every time he felt Charles treated him like a child. Because it was all a painful reminder that they cannot be together like that anymore.

It was a revelation. It was also ironic that he would get it here of all places. He sighed. He didn’t _really_ want to hurt Charles. He had to control his temper better. Or else he’d only confirm the moody teenager stereotype and that was the last thing he wanted to do. It was a stupid stereotype!

He was still deep in thought, watching the swaying crowd of people on the dance floor from his secluded quieter booth, when he felt a hand on his knee. The feeling was so surprising he nearly jumped startled. For a brief moment he almost hoped it was Charles, even though he could tell this wasn’t what Charles’ touch felt like.

He looked up to see Raven grinning at him and tried not to show disappointment. Raven was his hero, after all.

“Here, I brought drinks.” she announced, carefully placing two glasses and a bottle on the table in front of them.

Erik had nothing to say to that. She settled more comfortably on the sofa next to him and gave him a onceover.

“You look like shit, Erik.” she giggled. “What, Charles not getting you laid?”

It was her usual teasing. But because the loudness of the club had messed up with her hearing this time she had to scream the words out at him.

Erik felt his cheeks heating up again. “Raven, why would you--?”

She burst into a hearty laughter, cutting him off. “Oh, wow. I didn’t expect you to be so shy about this.”

At this point Erik began to suspect that his mutant hero might be drunk.

Erik hadn’t really seen Raven drunk before, usually no more than a little tipsy. But there she was now, swaying next to him on the sofa in beat with the music and giggling uncontrollably at jokes only she found funny.

“No, no, don’t be embarrassed. It’s sweet.” she looked at him again and burst into another fit of giggles, hiding her grin with her hands. “It’s really sweet.”

“Okay…”

She looked around. “Hmm, it’s nice here. Quieter. We can actually talk.” she wiggled her eyebrows.  

Erik was even more confused now. “Talk about what?” he asked.

It didn’t seem like Raven was in a condition to hold a meaningful conversation.

She seemed amused again. “You’re adorable. I can see why my brother loves you so much.”she said. “I mean, if you weren’t Charles’ I’d _definitely_ tap that.” she pointed in his general direction and giggled again.

Erik swallowed nervously curling up on himself a little. Noticing Erik’s discomfort even in this drunken state, Raven cleared her throat in an attempt at being serious.

“Don’t be grumpy now.” she pouted. “I didn’t mean it in a bad way. I’m just-- paying a compliment, y’know.”

She pulled him closer by his arm and rested her head on his shoulder. Erik tensed, unsure of what to do exactly. Was Raven coming on to him or was she simply being friendly? How could he even tell?

Raven seemed unphased about his inner turmoil. She continued speaking undisturbed. “You have nothing to worry about. I mean, we both love Charles so much and I trust you wouldn’t, like, tell him about this or anything. Not that this’s anything to tell. It’s nothing really. I’m not-- we’re not--”

She pulled away from Erik to look him in the eyes and wave her hands indefinitely between them.

“It’s okay, Raven.” Erik muttered, interrupting her drunken slur.

“Good.” Raven smiled and returned to their previous close position.

“There’s nothing here. I understand that.” Erik continued.

“Mhm.”

That said, he carefully pushed her face away from his shoulder and neck.

Raven sighed. “You know, you’re really great to be around, Erik.” she bit back her grin. “I wonder… I wonder if I shapeshifted into Charles now, would that feel like an adultery to you?” At Erik’s shocked and terrified expression Raven only burst into another fit of drunken laughter. “Relax, Erik! God! I was only kiddin’!” she laughed some more, punching his side playfully. “I was only teasing. I always test Charles’ boyfriends like that. You pass, by the way. Congratulations.”

Erik swallowed again even though he regretted coming here even more. It was a mistake. Charles was right, the party was not a good idea. He was not having fun at all, Raven was being weird and drunk, and he didn't really have anyone to properly talk to -- none of his friends were actually too keen on the idea of discussing politics after work hours at a party. Erik was getting serious depressed in this setting.

Raven shoved a glass of whatever alcoholic beverage she had brought for them into Erik’s face and urged, “Drink with me.”

“Oh, thanks but I actually don’t drink.” Erik shook his head. “In fact, I think I’m gonna head home now…”

He tried getting up but she quickly pulled him down again with surprising strength. “Oh, don’t be an old fart like Charles! Come on, just one drink. Just one.”

“No, I don’t want to.”

She groaned. “Ugh, you’re no fun.” she pouted, putting the glasses away again, but not before sipping a bit from hers. “At least stay with me? I don’t feel like being alone right now. And everyone’s already busy with someone.”

Erik hesitated for a moment but then, “I’ll stay a few more minutes.” he allowed.

Raven clapped her hands. “Yay! Erik, you’re so good!”

She threw her arms around him and placed a big wet kiss to his cheek. It resembled the kisses he used to get from his mother’s old schoolmate friends from the synagogue.

“I’m going home soon though.” he felt the need to say.

Raven grimaced at him. “What's with you today? Why are you so frowny?”

At this point Erik could tell her anything he wanted and she probably wouldn’t even remember it the next morning. He decided to go with the truth. “I’m having a hard time, Raven. That’s all. I’m having a hard time.”

She shifted in her seat, concentrating hard. “Is it about work?”

He shrugged. “Not exactly.”

“Is it about Charles?”

Erik hesitated. “Not in the way you’d think. I love Charles.”

“And I know Charles loves you too so yayyy. But what’s the matter then? What do you want, Erik? What do you want? Tell me what pains you. What do you want?”

“I want…” he sighed. “I want so many things. But I guess right now I just want to forget everything that makes me so damn angry and stressed all the time.”

Raven applauded. “Well done! Preach, man!”

Erik chuckled at her, shaking his head like an old man. She was so drunk, it was unbelievable.

“You know what’s your remedy, right? What makes us forget?” She winked.

“I expect you’d probably tell me.”

“Alcohol.” Raven yawned and snuggled at his side sleepily. “Alcohol is the answer to everything.”

She remained still for a suspiciously amount of time.

“Raven?” Erik poked at her shoulder with his finger, mindful not to move too much and have her fall down under the table. “Raven, are you asleep?”

No reply.

“Raven, please, don’t fall asleep now.” he pleaded in vain.

There was still no reply.

“Right. Of course this would happen today. Great party.” Erik mumbled grumpily.

He wanted to go back to Charles, to fall in his arms, to feel his embrace and know everything will be alright. To feel Charles’ love for him. But then a dark shadow hung over him again. Even if he went home now, Charles would not greet him the way he wanted. Charles would still be _‘the parent’_.

His eyes fell on the bottle Raven had brought. It was ridiculous that he had been an adult for almost 5 months now and he still hadn’t tried alcohol. It’d be another 7 years till he could legally drink that thing. Was he really going to miss out his chance?

 _Charles would hate this_ , whispered a voice in his head. _Well, fuck it!_ , screamed another, _I’m a grown-up, damn it!_

With that thought Erik carefully removed Raven from his shoulder, letting her head rest on the back of the sofa instead, and reached for the bottle in front of him.


	11. Chapter 11

Charles was staring at the clock on the wall. He was biting his lips nervously. Half past 3 in the morning and no sign of Erik. He couldn’t help worrying. Like a father waiting for his teen to return when it’s past curfew. He laughed bitterly. More like a jealousy heartbroken lover hoping the man he loves isn’t betraying him. He tried to shake off those inappropriate thoughts and concentrated on the clock once more.

3:34 am.

His mind was tormenting him, repeating the same questions over and over again. What was Erik doing at this moment? Was he alright? Was he just dancing innocently and enjoying his time with their friends? Or was he in some stranger’s arms? Was he mugged? Was he being raped?

“Of course, you’d _know_ that if you _went there with him_!” he scolded himself angrily.  

Did Charles regret his stubbornness to not go to the party? Yes and no. He couldn’t accept attending the party to feel like Erik’s nanny, but on the other hand the uncertainty in his current situation was killing him. It was a double edged sword: if he went to the party with Erik he’d suffer, if he stayed away from Erik he’d suffer as well. Either ways there was suffering and Charles was so exhausted from being hurt.

Perhaps there was nothing to worry about, he tried to convince himself. Perhaps he was overreacting and Erik was perfectly fine now. Perhaps Erik just went home to his own flat after the party and everything was alright. Although admittedly Charles’ flat was much closer to the club than Erik’s. Unless they went to another club after that. Raven would do that sometimes. She called it ‘a club takeover’ in the past.

Charles was clenching his phone in his hands. The few texts he sent to Raven were still unanswered, so were the missed calls. It was loud in the club, Raven probably didn’t even hear her phone. Charles’ finger hoovered over Erik’s name again but he managed to restrain himself from pressing _call_ . He just wanted to be sure Erik was alright, but at the same time he didn’t want Erik to know he was worrying so much. Furthermore, he wasn’t sure he wanted to know what exactly Erik was doing right now. Or _who_ …

What if Erik went home _with someone_?, Charles’ brian offered once again, making Charles finch. What if Erik had taken some stranger to his bed? That night he promised he wouldn’t, he said he loved Charles and wouldn’t. But after their last argument Charles wasn’t sure if Erik hadn’t changed his mind.

He exhaled loudly, running his fingers through his messy hair. He wished he could take control over his life but it was easier said than done. He texted Raven a few more times but again, no reply. Finally, _finally_ , he decided to put his pride aside and text Erik. He didn’t care if Erik found it intrusive, Charles had to know if Erik was alright.

_Hi, Erik. It’s late. Do you want me to come pick you up?_

He read the message one more time. It sounded a bit too parental, maybe? Erik made his opinion of Charles’ paternal instincts towards him quite clear yesterday. Charles hit _send_ anyway.

Erik’s reply came surprisingly quickly.

_no need._

Charles’ heart jumped in his chest. Erik had actually replied! Surely that’s a good sign! He quickly typed,

_Where are you? Is everything alright?_

“Please tell me you haven’t done anything stupid.” Charles whispered to himself pleadingly as he sent the second text.

This time the reply took longer which only made Charles worry even more. He was already pacing nervously in the room, dressed and with his keys in his pocket, ready to go fetch Erik wherever he was.

_i’m fine. but i’ve done smth stupid._

Erik’s text read. As if Erik had read Charles’ mind, knowing exactly what Chares was afraid of. Charles gasped at his phone.

_Where are you? I’m coming to get you!_

The phone beeped with the reply almost instantly.

_i’m at your front door._

Charles stared at the screen for a second, blinking confused, as he read the message twice before snapping to action. He rushed through the corridor and pulled the front door open. And true enough, Erik really was there, lying on the floor, his head propped against the wall, looking pale.

Charles was petrified.

“Erik! Erik, what’s wrong!? What happened to you!?”

All the dark scenarios his brain had constructed while waiting for Erik flooded his mind in a second. He knelt down on the floor, checking for any flesh wounds.

“Hi, Chaaaarlzzz” Erik grinned when he saw him, giggling slightly.

Charles sat back on his heels as realization dawned to him. “You’ve been drinking.” he said. It was a statement, not a question.

“Here you are, Charlz! Pretty Charlz.” Erik slurred, stretching out both his arms towards Charles. “My favorite telepath without telepathy!”

“Erik! What are you doing on the floor?” Charles sighed, helping Erik up and into the flat.

“I was wondering when you’ll text _me_ already.” Erik hummed, booping Charles’ nose with his finger and chuckling to himself.

“You’re so heavy…” Charles muttered, as Erik leaned on him.

“I’m all muscles and testosterone. Do you love me like that?”

“How long have you been out there!? Why didn’t you just let yourself in?” Charles gasped, ignoring Erik’s remark. He kicked the door close behind them and guided Erik to the sofa, as he swayed drunkenly in his arms.

“A while.” Erik replied, with a frown of concentration.

“You could’ve used your powers to open the door, y’know.” Charles said.

“I didn’t want to drunk driving.” Erik slurred.

“What? Erik, that makes no sense at all.”

Erik only shrugged and Charles gave up on getting any reasonable explanations out of him in this state.

“How are you feeling?” he asked instead, hoping Erik could at least answer that.

Erik only grinned at him right before he got sick on Charles’ carpet.

“Ooh, that’s not pretty…” Erik mumbled, running his fingers through his damp hair and staring down at his own vomit. Then threw up some more.

Charles rushed to help him instantly, holding his head.

“ ‘m sorry, Charles. ‘m disgusting.” Erik muttered, looking really upset.

“Shh, it’s alright, it’s alright. You’ll be okay. It’s alright.” Charles chanted reassuringly as he cleaned up Erik’s face with a wet cloth. He carefully removed some of Erik’s dirty clothes so that he could be at least relatively clean. He was going to take care of the floor later; Erik was the priority now.

“Come. Let’s get you to the bedroom.”

Erik giggled at that but said nothing, letting Charles manhandle him and lead him in whichever direction he pleased.

It was easier said than done. Getting Erik to the bedroom and putting him to bed was the real challenge. Erik was completely out of it. He was hardly helping at all, more like leaning on Charles completely. He was an incoherent mess of giggles and weeping and Charles wondered how much exactly had he drank. Many dire scenarios had crossed Charles’ mind when he waited for Erik, but not even in the wildest of them did he ever think Erik would get drunk out of his mind! Erik had always been so opposed to trying alcohol, always relentless when it came to Charles’ own drinking habit. He looked like the last person on Earth to ever willingly let himself drink this much. But apparently not.

“What, the hell, were you thinking, Erik.” Charles sighed as he finally put Erik to bed and tucked him in.

Erik’s eyes, suddenly clear and wide, looked up at Charles for a long moment. They were filled with such raw honesty, with such vulnerability and openness that made Charles want to hold Erik and protect him forever at all cost.

“I just wanted to show you I’m an adult. A real one. I just wanted you to see me as a man again.”

Charles opened his mouth but no words came out. He furrowed his brows and bit his lower lip. Erik shifted under the comforter and mumbled a few more incoherent words that Charles couldn’t quite get. Then he passed out as soon as his face smelled the pillow.

Charles reached out to stroke his hair gently. What was the boy thinking? Didn’t he already know Charles _did_ see him as a man and that was exactly where the problem lied. Erik looked like a man but he would soon go back to being a teen and Charles could not have him then. That was why Charles should always, always, _always_ , constantly keep reminding himself that Erik was not his.  

He leaned in to press a long longing kiss to Erik’s forehead.

“I love you, you silly fool.” he whispered, stroking the boy’s head lovingly. “I love you crazy much.”

Then he made himself pull away, placed a bucket near Erik’s bed -- just in case, -- turned off the lights and closed the door behind him. It was nearly 5 am when Charles cleaned the carpet from Erik’s vomit and then spend the rest of the night on the couch.

~*~

“Ugh, my head.” Erik groaned, grimacing.

His head was killing him, sharp pain piercing through his brain like hot blades of iron. Ironic since Erik had quite enjoyed the pleasant lightheadedness of his first drinks from last night. Even if the first few gulps of alcohol were bitter-tasting and burned his throat, he liked the way it slowly started making his head dizzy, giving him a nice spin and a sort of floaty feeling of not belonging to anything or anyplace. Disorienting as it was having alcohol in his system, Erik did not really want the dizziness to stop, so he drank more and more until at some point it didn’t feel so good anymore. And that’s when he began to suspect he may have made a bad choice when he reached for that bottle earlier. He managed by some miracle to find Charles’ flat, but he didn’t really want to go inside. Staying away from Charles was not an option either though. So he slid down on the floor and remained there with his phone in his hand, wondering if Charles would text him like he had texted Raven earlier that night. Yes, Erik saw some of Charles’ texts when Raven’s phone buzzed. It was around the time after she passed out but before Erik got really drunk.

He didn’t feel that great this morning, in fact a strange feeling of guilt was creeping inside him, as if he had lost some undefined sense of innocence when he had put all those drinks in his body. He wished he could take them back now. But of course, that was out of the question.

He tried to get up, go to the bathroom, _pee_ them out of his system if he couldn’t _undrink_ them, but as soon as he swung his legs to the floor they landed in a bucket.

“What the--?” he frowned at the empty bucket, not quite grasping its purpose until vague memories of hurling all over Charles’ living room carpet came back to him. “Oh, shit.” he mumbled, embarrassed. So much for proving Charles that he was an attractive and eligible adult male. Throwing up in front of your love interest was definitely not in the list of sexiest things ever.

Maybe he was making more noise moaning and groaning than he had realized because soon Charles showed up at the doorframe with a tray of… stuff… in his hands.

“Charles…” Erik muttered, not sure what to say or how to act after last night’s escapades.

“Hi. Are you feeling better?” Charles asked, his voice sounding caring and soothing to Erik’s headache. “I-- I got you these.” he offered, bringing forward the tray. Erik looked at it with confusion. “My usual remedies. For hangovers. You know I have a history of my own with alcohol, so all these are personally tested and approved. This is your first one so I expect it feels even worse for you…”

“Right.” Erik rubbed at his eyes and yawned. “You had a drinking problem.”

Charles’ face fell. Erik realized he said something insensitive again but it was too late to take it back. Damn it, lots of things he wanted to take back but couldn’t! He hadn’t realized life was so full of those.

“I mean…” Erik tried anyway.

“It wasn’t a drinking _problem_ .” Charles mumbled stubbornly, almost pouting as he put the tray down on the nightstand. “I could stop anytime I wanted, I just didn’t want to and...” He cut himself off, frowning, and swallowed, seemingly having an internal argument with himself and losing. Then he sighed. “No. No actually you’re right. I _did_ have a drinking problem.” he licked his lips nervously. “And you can’t really run away from your problems, can you? They always catch up in the end…”

It was probably the first time Charles had admitted he had a drinking problem out loud, Erik thought, realizing the importance of the moment despite his headache and hangover.

“You have to face them eventually.” Charles continued, thoughtfully. “I let my problems fester inside me like a tumor, while I pretended I was fine. But at one point my worst fear became not knowing how long it’ll be until I break and find it impossible to pretend I’m fine anymore.”

“It takes guts to admit that.” Erik said, trying to ignore his own headache.

Charles cleared his throat. “I’m only sharing with you my wisdom so you don’t make the same mistakes I did.”

Erik chuckled. “That’s so noble of you.” he said, taking one of Charles’ remedies. “Ugh!” he grimaced. “That’s bitter!”

“So is life when you drown yourself in alcohol.” Charles said pointedly. Still Erik could sense he was going easy on him with the scolding. Probably trying not to be too parental. Erik found it endearing that his ex-lover was doing his best not to act like his father. What even was Erik’s life!?

“Sorry I vomited all over your floor…”

“Oh, you remember that? Good.” Charles grinned.

Erik gave him a look. “I mean it, I’m really sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it. As long as you’re okay.” Charles replied. “How much did you have anyway?”

“I had about… four of Raven’s drinks.” he said. “And I’m still not sure what was in them.”

Charles chuckled, shaking his head. “Four? I really thought they were more than four with the way you were swaying last night.”

Erik hid his face in his palms, even more embarrassed. Not only did he make a drunken fool of himself in front of Charles but he also proved to be a lightweight.

“Hey, it’s your first time drinking. It’s okay.” Charles said, not teasing anymore. “It’s normal your body reacted like that. Just take a lesson from it.”

Erik put his hands down and smiled at Charles who smiled back and for a moment he just stood there. Then he took another step and sat down on the edge of the bed.

“Erik?” He tilted his head. He seemed quite nervous and unsure about what he was about to say but determined to be out with it nevertheless. “I was wondering if you’d like for us to spend the day together? Just the two of us? _If_ you’re feeling better, of course. I mean, if your head hurts too much or if you’re still feeling sick, or you want to sleep or--”

“No, no! I’m feeling better!” Erik said hurriedly, afraid not to miss out on an opportunity to spend more time with Charles.

“Alright. We can go to the park or watch a movie or, whatever you want, really. _Within reason_.” he added quickly and with a warning in his voice.

Erik chuckled amused. “I get it. _Fun within reason_. Sounds like a riot.”

“Hey, if you don’t want it, you don’t have to take it.” Charles shrugged casually.

“No, no, I’ll take it. I want it.” Erik grinned back at him. “A day for just you and me having fun in a park or wherever? It sounds lovely, Charles.”

Charles visibly relaxed and smiled warmly at Erik. “Good.” he tapped him on the knee. “Now go take a shower because you stink and look like shit, and we can go.”

Erik nodded, still grinning like an idiot. “Okay.”

~*~

To call this the best day in Charles’ life would probably sound like an overstatement. But it was definitely one of his happiest days and Charles wanted to remember it in detail for the years to come. Hopefully when he was old and grey, or old and bald, he’d still be able to look back with a smile and feel that same happiness he felt today with Erik by his side.

They went to get a bagel for breakfast, then to the park where Erik suggested a chess duel in an overly theatrical way and Charles agreed with a fond smile while calling him a drama queen. Time passed really quickly when you played chess with Erik and have Erik teasing you and joking with you and when you teased and joke with Erik in return. When they checked the time again they realized it was late enough for lunch so that’s what they went for. There was this cozy restaurant nearby that they both liked so it worked perfectly. Afterwards they went for fun park rides and then when they were both too tired to actively do anything they settled down on a nice park bench and started feeding the ducks in the lake.  

“You know, most male ducks are basically rapists.” Erik said, trying not to laugh as Charles slowly sat away from one particularly affectionate duck that actually wanted to sit on their bench.

“Told you we should’ve fed the pigeons instead.”

Erik laughed. “I’m sure these are nice ducks.” He threw more bread for the affectionate duck and the little asshole grabbed it and ran back to the lake. Erik was grinning happily.

“Well, that’s hurtful! He was only after my bread!” Charles mocked shock and they both laughed.

After the laughter died down Erik was silent for a moment, watching Charles as he threw more bread to the ducks. The sun was slowly setting and the last rays were reflected in Charles’ eyes and hair. It was beautiful. Erik was so smitten.

Charles laughed again. “Look at that one! I’m pretty sure it just put a crumb in the other duck’s feather.”

Erik said nothing so Charles looked at him, a little puzzled. “Erik? Everything okay?”

“I’m sorry, Charles.” he heard himself say.

Charles frowned a little but his eyes were still sparkling. “What for?” he asked.

“For leaving you. When I go back to being 14 again. I’m basically abandoning you…”

“Erik, you’re not abandoning me, you’re--”

Erik quickly cut him off. He had to say this. He needed to say it.

“I just want you to know that if I could stay here with you forever, I would. But as you said yourself, it’s not the right thing to do. And I agree. I realize I cannot go on like that, pretending I’m something I’m not. I am 14, Charles. And I do miss my life, even though I never expected to. I miss living with my mother, I miss hanging out with Azazel. I miss all the opportunities to change things at school as a 14-year old.” he slowly inhaled, hoping he could explain his feelings with actual words. It wasn’t an easy thing to do. “The thing is, Charles, that I have millions of reasons to go home and only one reason to stay.”

Charles nodded, understandingly. “Your cause.” he said, smiling softly. “A noble reason.”

Erik shook his head, looking Charles in the eyes. “No, that’s not my reason.” he said earnestly. “You are.”  

Charles blushed, swallowing and biting his lower lip. “Um… I didn’t think... ” he trailed off.

“But of course it’s you, Charles.” Erik cupped his cheek, overcome with emotions. “Ever since I can remember I’ve always wanted to be big. So that I can help my mother after my father died, so that I can defend myself and my friends from bullying, so that I could be heard and make the world better for other mutants like me. Being big has been my dream for so long I didn’t even ask myself if it was making me truly happy to skip such a huge part of growing up. There’s so much to learn, so much to experience. Thanks to you and Raven I discovered that I can make a difference at 14. I know how to be heard now. And I want to share this with other mutants at my school, show them by example that you have a voice and can change the world even if you are the weird muttie kid in the back of the buss. I want to go to college. I want to go on a student protest. I want to engage other young people in mutant politics. I can do all that without having to pretend I’m something I’m not. Without using wishes to make myself older.” he inhaled slowly. “What I can’t have when I go back there, is you. And I really, _really_ wish I didn’t have to say goodbye to you.”

“Erik, I’m sorry but I--” Charles muttered, looking down weakly, suddenly fascinated with his shoes.

Erik shook his head quickly. “No, it’s alright. I understand. I’m not stupid, I know we can’t be together if I’m a minor. I’m not asking that of you. But I can still miss you, right? I can still close my eyes and imagine your lips on mine. I can still _remember_.”

Charles’ breathing was shallow and uneven as if he was trying hard not to get emotional. He was clearly failing, though, because his eyes told Erik books about his feelings.

“I’m sorry I hurt you.” Erik said. He needed to say it.

“Nooo.” Charles shook his head with resolution. “No, Erik. You didn’t hurt me, you helped me.” Erik gave him a disbelieving look. Charles chuckled quietly. “I mean it. I had slowly turned into a ghost and you reminded me how to be alive again. Thank you for that.”

He smiled warmly at Erik to reassure him, then turned his attention back to the ducks.

“They’re so hungry, these rascals!” he chuckled to lighten up the mood. “And I know for a fact that people do actually come to feed them regularly. They’re still cute, of course.”

“Mhm.” Erik hummed in agreement. “I don’t think I’m a duck though.” he said thoughtfully.

“Well, of course you’re not.” Charles grinned.

“No, I mean…” Erik reached out for his hand. He was a little worried Charles would pull away from him but when he laced their fingers together, Erik felt like he was about to burst with happiness. He continued. “You know how some penguins mate for life? They give their loved one a pebble and sing songs? They’re quite the good old-fashioned romantics.”

“You’re so educational today.” Charles teased.

“I think I’m like a penguin.” Erik said, locking his gaze with Charles’. “I want to give you pebbles and commemorate you with music. I want to stay with you forever.”

Charles blushed. He actually blushed. “You already gave me your pebble.” he said, his voice sounding a bit shaky. He was visibly moved by Erik’s words but he was also trying hard not to show it. It was adorable. With the hand that wasn’t still holding Erik, he pulled out the phosphorescent ring Erik had given him during their first sleepover. “So I never get lost again, you said.” he smiled, his eyes a little glassy with unshed tears.

Erik grinned, biting his lower lip. “You still have this?”

“Of course, I still have it. I don’t intend to ever lose it.” Charles assured.

“I was thinking perhaps you’d-- move on from it…” he said, looking down at their hands awkwardly.

Charles realized this wasn’t about the ring anymore. This was about their feelings for one another.

“Erik, I--”

What could he say? How could he say he intended to love Erik till his last breath? How could he say that and then expect Erik to have a normal proper teenage life when he returned to his mother? Charles wasn’t an idiot. He was well-aware that many things might change for Erik in 6-7 years time. Even if they did meet again when Erik was no longer a jailbait, Erik would still be much younger than Charles and could have other things on his mind. Charles wasn't under the impression that Erik would grow up with only thoughts of him. And that was normal. That was how it was supposed to be. Charles was definitely going to wait for Erik and Erik may claim he’d do the same now, in the heat of the moment, overcome with emotions, but was this even fair on the boy? Theirs was not a fixed appointment, it wasn’t a promise even if it sounded like one. It was perfectly possible that Charles was only ever meant to be Erik’s first love, a nice memory of someone Erik would eventually move on from. It was perfectly possible, even though highly unlikely, that Charles himself would no longer be interested in Erik after such a long separation. It was perfectly possible that their love was not meant to last this long. And that was fine. That was life. Love was not supposed to hold someone prisoner, it was supposed to liberate, to give wings! That’s what Charles wanted for Erik so he decided to wait for him but not to expect anything in return, to enjoy that love, but not take it for granted. And this was what today was all about -- a day of _could be’s_ , a day to capture the happy moment of their love and be joyful without the dark cloud of future fears hanging over their heads.

Charles said nothing. But his head rested on Erik’s shoulder for a bit and when they pulled away Charles was smiling back at him.

Suddenly they heard music.

“ _[Moonlight serenade](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8TB_8H23EDI) _!” Charles whispered, touched. “Must be coming from the open cinema. They have classic movies’ nights this month.”

“ _Moonlight serenade_ , you say.” Erik hummed and slowly got up from the park bench to stand in front of Charles. He extended his hand, palm up, inviting. “Dance with me?” 

Charles’ jaw slacked for a moment, his heart racing in his chest. He nodded with a smile, taking the hand and the two stood on the grass near the lake, dancing under the starry sky. It was a clear night, the evening air fresh and pleasant. The music was in the air, enwrapping them in a gentle cloud of tenderness. Charles snuggled closer in Erik’s embrace, resting his head on Erik’s chest as they swayed in beat with the beautiful music. And if either of them let a few tears slide down their cheeks, who was ever to know?


	12. Chapter 12

Edie Lehnsherr took a small break from her working at home to make another coffee for herself. The TV was on mute in the background. She took up the habit of keeping it turned on so that her home didn’t feel so empty. Her boy was happy, that was all that mattered. She wasn’t selfish to wish him to turn his back to his dreams and return to her. She had spent all her time supporting him, she wasn’t going to stop now because she missed him and because she was lonely. 

As she prepared the coffee she heard a knock on the door. For a brief moment she entertained the idea that this was Erik, coming to visit her as he promised. But then she quickly sobered up from this illusion. Erik would not knock. He would just flick the door open with his mutation to show off. She smiled fondly even if a little melancholic and went to let her guest in.

“Azazel!”

That was a surprise. The little red-skinned boy was standing awkwardly at her front door, looking nervous.

“Is something wrong? Can I help you?” Edie asked.

She hadn’t really seen Azazel properly ever since Erik disappeared. And even then it was mostly Azazel freaking out and running to his room.

“Nothing’s wrong exactly…” Azazel muttered. But he did look quite worried.

“Why don’t you come in?” Edie offered. “Do you want something to drink? I have banana juice and hot chocolate.”

Azazel gave her a small smile. “Banana juice was Erik’s favourite.” he said.

Edie suppressed a sigh. “Yes, it is. I kept buying new cartons. I don’t know why…”

She did know why.

Azazel knew why too.

Neither of them discussed it any further.

Azazel sat down at the kitchen table, hunching on himself, looking small.

“Should I call your mother?” Edie offered but the boy interrupted her.

“Where is he, Mrs. Lehnsherr? Where’s Erik?”

His voice sounded as though he was trying really hard not to cry. Edie felt sorry for him. Her son’s friend was not a naturally shy or reclusive person but the bright red color of his skin, his tail and his appearance as a whole ostracized him in school and in the neighborhood. Sometimes she even wondered if his own parents cared for him much, being humans and not quite so fond of having people think their son looked like a devil. That was only some of the talk in the neighborhood. Edie had heard some pretty nasty things said about poor Azazel. No doubt that contributed to his self-forced isolation. He was a good boy but that did not always serve as a protection shield from people’s hatred and bigotry. It was another thing that infuriated Erik. The injustice of it all. Her son had always protected Azazel. With Erik around Azazel became braver, too, and not so alone. But now, nearly 5 months later… The red-skinned boy hardly left his room during most of these months.

“Do you know where he is, Mrs. Lehnsherr? Or at least if he’ alright? He hasn’t contacted me and I was wondering if he did call you, apart from that note I had to deliver to you from him. Do you know if he’s ever coming back--” his voice broke and he bit down his lower lip hard, trying to get a hold of himself.

Edie realized she hadn’t replied yet. Her hand rested on the boy’s back, in attempt to comfort him. “You wouldn’t believe me even if I told you, Azazel.” she replied quietly.

Erik’s story was not something she could just tell people after all. Even to Erik’s friends. Not without Erik’s permission. And as much as it pained her to see the pain in Azazel’s eyes, pain similar to the one she herself felt, she could not explain that her son had turned into a grown-up overnight and was now living on his own, away from her, possibly forever.

“Try me.” Azazel insisted. “I just want to know he’s alright. I just want to hear his voice. I want to hear him say that he’s okay. Please, tell me if you know anything!”

The voice was so pleading. She grimaced. “I will if I find out… I’m so sorry…” she muttered. Hiding things wasn’t her strong suit.

Azazel was about to say something more, perhaps insist further, but his eyes suddenly went round in surprise. He pointed at the TV screen.

“Erik!” Azazel gaped. “How did he get _there_!?”

“The debate…” Edie muttered under her breath. “But why is he--?”

“Turn the volume up! Turn the volume up!” Azazel screamed excitedly as he fumbled for the remote control. “He’s going to make a speech!”

Edie’s heart warmed up at the sight. Her son’s words were reaching so many people. He must be truly happy changing the world word by word, action by action.

~*~

_Earlier…_

 

The debate was about to start. Erik could feel his heart beating fast and out of control. He was a nervous wreck.

“Okay, it’s time! Erik, go!” Raven gave him a hard tap on the back that almost sent him on stage immediately. “Destroy them!”

Erik couldn’t feel his legs move even though he was sure his brain sent the command. Charles’ gentle hand rested on Erik’s back, encouraging him.

“You can do it.” he whispered into Erik’s ear. “It’s what you wanted.”

Erik swallowed again, even though his mouth was drier than a desert.

“Erik!” Raven barked and this got him to walk on stage.

The lights were on him, blinding him with their merciless brightness. All eyes were on him, expectant and hostile. The microphones were live and his opponents were all around him, looking almost like supervillains.

When he stood in front of the mic, he felt like all thoughts were out of his head. He was silent, all words escaping him. Like a knight without an armour, helpless and useless. Now was his time to prove these people were wrong and he was utterly speechless, completely dumb. The introductions began. Erik clenched his fists tightly, trying desperately to summon his strength for this debate even though his head was beginning to spin. His own weakness terrified him. Too much was at stake this time for him to just screw this up like that!

He found Charles’ calm blue eyes from behind the stage. Charles was looking at him with so much love. Charles believed in him! Charles cared no matter what the outcome of today’s debate turned out to be.

The opening statements began and Erik was suddenly back in his old classroom. His fellow students looking at him, challenging him while he glared at them with superiority. They mocked him, made fun of how seriously he took mutant politics. He tried to speak with conviction like he did back then, at school. He’s never lost a debate in his life. A _school debate_ , that is. Not an actual one. Not one that had so much at stake!

He’s always been confident in himself because he knew who he was and what he stood for. But he felt utterly lost now. He did not know who he was in all of this, it didn’t feel like he was himself. It felt wrong to speak about being true to oneself and one’s nature when he himself was basically a liar! A phony!

He wanted to say individuals should be free to be themselves but he himself was in disguise. He wanted to say _no more hiding_ but he himself was hiding under the mask of a grown man. He wanted to say _accept yourself_ , when clearly he had not accepted himself, and even had wished to become someone he was not.

It all felt wrong. He was a phony for even being here and attempting to do this! He was the wrong person for this debate!

Before he could register what he was doing, he ran backstage, leaving without a single proper word in. The audience was silent and confused for a moment. The villainous opponents were smirking self-satisfied, bursting into a gloating laughter the moment Erik was gone from the stage. The audience joined in. They all probably thought they intimidated him. But he was not afraid of them. He was afraid of himself!  

“Erik? What the hell!?” Raven was gaping at him in disbelief. Her face was twisted in an angry grimace. “You’re such a disappointment! I knew I couldn’t depend on you.”

She turned her back on him, going on stage instead to do some damage control after his gigantic screw up.

Erik was hyperventilating behind stage. His head was spinning even more. The next thing he saw was Charles’ blue eyes, gazing at him with worry. He looked so heartbroken, it made Erik physically flinch in pain.

“Charles! I’m so sorry, Charles!” he sobbed.

“Erik, what happened there? What’s happening to you? Why are you like that?” Charles was frowning at him, eyes not looking away from him. “You’re all… _wrong_.”

“I’m sorry! I couldn’t…” Erik tried to explain, choking on his own words. “I’m not ready! I’m not me! I need to be me to do that. I’m not me…”

But then the audience was suddenly backstage too, so were the supervillains-opponents and Raven, all of them pointing at him and calling him a phony.

“No! No! I only wanted to help! I only wanted to turn the world into a better place!” he was desperately trying to make his voice heard throughout the cries of the angry mob.

He was suffocating again, unable to do anything. Somewhere in the distance he could see Charles’ sad eyes, feel Charles’ disappointment and hurt.

He gasped and panted as he jumped up in bed, covered in sweat. His hands were clutching at the bedsheets tightly, knuckles going white. He looked around with eyes that couldn't really observe anything. He was in Charles' living room, on the adjustable bed. It took him a moment to realize he was still home and safe.

“Erik! Erik, are you alright?” It was Charles, rushing to his side from his own bedroom. “I heard you scream. Was it another nightmare?”

So apparently he had been screaming too, loud enough to wake up Charles. He wanted to apologize but he couldn’t really speak at the moment, too overwhelmed by the realism of his dream. He only nodded as a reply to Charles’ question. His breath still came in short, quick huffs, his heartbeat elevated and sweat dripping from him.

“Oh, darling…” Charles uttered with a heavy heart and pressed his lips to Erik’s forehead.

Erik felt himself beginning to relax slowly, Charles’ calming effects on him already working their miracle. Since their lovely day together yesterday Charles had become considerably more comfortable with showing his affections for Erik. Needless to say Erik was basking in the glorious feeling of hearing Charles call him _darling_ in his soft voice and British accent, or have him pat Erik on the shoulder or stroke Erik’s head and hands gently. It calmed him down enough to speak again.

“Find Alzador. Please.” he said quietly. “I need to-- to be me. I cannot pretend anymore. It feels wrong. Please, find Alzador?”

Charles nodded. “Yes, of course, Erik. Of course. Whatever you want.” he reassured.

“I’m sorry, Charles. I just cannot handle the debate like this. I need to be me.”

“You don’t have to apologize. I understand. And I’ll find him.”  

Erik wrapped his arms around Charles, pulling him into a grateful hug and resting his head on Charles’ chest. He could hear Charles’ heartbeat speeding up, much like Erik’s own, as if Charles could somehow sense Erik’s anxiety even without his telepathy. Or maybe that was all Charles’ own anxiety and emotions.

They both wanted the same thing, they _craved_ it. Erik knew that now. He could feel it radiating from Charles’ entire being. He could see it in Charles’ eyes. They’ve been torturing one another long enough, trying to fool themselves that friendship alone sufficed, whereas in reality Erik knew with certainty that what he needed was Charles’ _love_.

“Charles, please.” he pleaded quietly, looking up at the man he loved.

Charles’ eyes were glued on Erik, filled with warm affection and compassion. “It’ll be alright.” he said. “I’ll find Alzador and everything will be alright. I promise.”

“No.” Erik shook his head, swallowing nervously and licking his chapped lips.” _Please_.” He repeated as he leaned in, glancing down at Charles’ mouth and slowly tilting his head a little.

The moment seemed to drag forever, eternal and charged with unspoken desire. Their faces were so close, they were breathing each other’s air. Erik could feel Charles’ hot breath on his face and it made him want to close the small distance between them instantly.

Charles swallowed, his lips parting slightly. When Erik looked up his eyes met with Charles’ and he could see the dilated pupils, the yearning in them almost driving all reason out of Charles. His gaze darted down at Erik’s lips for a millisecond, before he closed them, leaning a bit closer too. Erik took this as an invitation and pressed their lips together, softly, gently, exploring and yet cautious as if afraid Charles would pull away and flee.  

Instead he felt Charles opening up for him, letting out a shaky breath in between kisses and a small needy gasp as he pulled Erik closer and deepened the kiss. Soon they were both panting into each other’s mouths, desperate for one another and completely lost in the moment. Before they knew it they were already in Erik’s bed together, Charles half on top of him, legs tangled, hands sliding down Erik’s body, face buried in Erik’s scent.

“We’re not supposed to do this…” he whispered desperately against Erik’s skin but did not pull away from nuzzling Erik’s neck.

“Charles.” Erik’s voice was a low groan. “One last time… We deserve a proper goodbye.”

Charles exhaled rather loudly as Erik’s hand slipped in his underwear to rub at what was already a more than half-hard cock. Charles hid his face in the pillows, stifling a moan, but Erik brought his other hand to Charles’ chin and gently turned it back to meet his eyes.  

“I want to see you. I want to-- I need to feel your love.” he pleaded softly. “I want to be able to take this with me.”

Charles flushed, his blush reaching down under the t-shirt he usually slept in.

“Take this off.” Erik pulled at the tee and Charles complied with unexpected eagerness and surprising speed.

At this moment Erik didn’t even have the mental capacity to register that Charles was allowing this. Getting Charles to sleep with him again wasn’t part of a plan or a grand scheme. It wasn’t what Erik was trying to achieve when he pressed closer to the warmth of Charles’ body. It all came so naturally and on its own that all Erik could do was enjoy it. All he could think at that moment was that Charles was here, in bed with him and they were together, as they should be.

“I love you, Erik.” Charles whispered, pressing kisses to Erik’s shoulders and chest just like before. “I love you. I’ll never forget you. Ever.”

“I’ll never forget any of this either, Charles. I want to remember every moment, each expression, each little sigh…” he captured Charles’ gaze for a moment before locking their lips together once again, hungry for more. “You’re beautiful, and inspiring.” he gasped into that mouth. “So inspiring. I bloody love you!”

They made love that night. For the first time since Charles learned the truth about Erik. They made love like there was nothing else in the world, only the two of them and only this one moment. Time had stopped for them, the world was gone. There was nothing and everything. There was Charles and Erik.

When they were finally done they rested in one another’s embrace, feeling all floaty and relaxed, waiting for their hearts and breathes to go back to normal. Erik was happy. And for a while Charles was too until Erik felt his shoulders trembling a little, like he was trying to conceal silent sobs.  

Erik frowned. “Charles? Are you alright?” he asked, worriedly. Had he hurt Charles? That was the last thing he wanted to do!

“I’m fine. Go to sleep.” Charles whispered but his voice sounded strained as if struggling to suppress his true emotions.

“Charles.” Erik shifted to have a better look at his lover’s face.

Charles closed his eyes in a last attempt to hide. “I’m sorry, Erik. We weren’t supposed to do this. I wasn’t supposed to let this happen.”

“We both wanted it, Charles.”

“Still, I wasn’t supposed to let it happen.”

Erik shifted some more, cupping Charles’ cheeks.

“Charles, _I love you_.” he said for what seemed like a hundredth time. He’d never grow tired of repeating these special three words to Charles. “I love you so much. You’ve done nothing wrong.”

A quiet but bitter chuckle escaped Charles’ lips, tears welling up in his eyes. “I kinda did though. You’re a minor, Erik. Sleeping with you is sort of the definition of _wrong_.”

Erik wasn’t having this. “Not tonight.” he said determined. “Look at me.”

Charles did.

“Do I look like a minor to you right now? Do I feel like a minor?”

Charles remained silent.

“That’s because I’m not a minor. Not now anyway.” he pressed the matter even further. He didn’t want Charles to regret what they did. He didn’t want Charles to feel guilt or regret because of their love. He had to make Charles see that what they felt wasn’t wrong. “When we’re together do you not feel like we’re meant for one another?”

Charles frowned slightly. “Erik, that has nothing to do with--”

“How does it feel, Charles?” Erik cut him off. “Tell me just that and be honest. How does it feel?”

“It feels right.” Charles gasped, hardly hesitating at all.

“Exactly.” Erik nodded. “It feels right.”

“It’s not supposed to feel right…” Charles bit his lower lip nervously.

“But it does.”

Charles did not deny. “It does.” he said.

“So let us have this while we can.” Erik pleaded again. “Is that alright with you?”

Charles did not reply with words, but he snuggled closer into Erik’s embrace, pushing his guilt to the back of his head. Erik smelled like home. Erik felt like home. Erik was home. And all Charles wanted was to sink in this feeling of home with Erik.  

~*~ 

When he woke up the next morning Charles was already gone. The space in the bed next to Erik was still warm so presumably he wasn’t up for too long. Maybe he only went to the bathroom? Erik was hoping things were fine with them now and Charles wasn’t secretly freaking out somewhere in private, blaming himself for not resisting their desire.

He was about to join him in the bathroom when he noticed a note on the coffee table with Charles’ handwriting on it.

 

_Went to bring Alzador to you. Be ready._

_Charles_

 

Erik felt a shudder run through his body. It was a nervous anticipation but also dread. He had made the decision already. He was going back. But the thought of doing this right before the debate tomorrow and the heartbreaking feeling of leaving Charles behind, those were two things that made him feel like shit.

He reminded himself why he was doing this. To stop feeling like a liar, a phony and a hypocrite. To change the lives of people his age by showing them every person mattered, even if they were considered too young. He had a detailed plan of what to do when he returned to school.

However, the heavy feeling in his chest did not leave. Having Charles in his arms again was a reminder of what he was letting go of. By now he was certain that Charles was probably the love of his life, so naturally he didn’t want to lose what they had. He could not ignore the creeping idea that he could man up and stay for Charles. That there might be another path. After what happened between them last night perhaps Charles would be willing to give it another go? To give them another chance? But Erik had seen the look on Charles’ face after they came down from the height of their orgasms last night. It was the look of a man who was disgusted with himself. Erik could not allow Charles to hate himself like that. It was unfair to him. And Erik had the common sense to see that if they tried to make it work as a couple now, eventually that was what they’d be heading towards -- Charles loving Erik and despising himself for it. That was not what Erik wanted their life to be.

The best chance he’s got of ever having Charles back in his life like that again was to wait. And hopefully, Charles would still love him when he was 18 or so. Surely if it were true love as Erik suspected, it would last forever.

Clenching desperately to that thought he took a long shower, had breakfast and by 12 pm was ready and waiting for Alzador.


	13. Chapter 13

Erik didn’t have to wait long. Shortly after noon he sensed the door to the flat opening and sprang up to his feet instantly, rushing out of the living room to greet Charles and then-- stopping abruptly in his tracks. 

“Charles?” He gaped, unable to hold in his surprise. 

Charles was in a wheelchair. He greeted Erik casually as if nothing new or out of the ordinary had happened. But he was actually in a wheelchair. 

Erik hadn’t seen him use a wheelchair before. Even the one time Charles allowed himself not take his spine medication -- when he used his telepathy to find out the truth about Erik’s situation and prove it to Edie -- he never waited as far as needing a wheelchair. He quickly took his serum the moment his telepathy was no longer ‘needed’ and he was able to walk again. 

So why didn’t he take his serum this time like he usually would? It was all so unexpected? Erik didn’t know what to make of it. Neither did he know what caused this strange change. Was the wheelchair a reaction? A consequence of what happened between them last night? Was this some kind of statement or precaution on Charles’ part? Was he punishing himself or was he subtly telling Erik to back off? And did Charles really think Erik would stop being interested in him because of a wheelchair? Erik  _ loved  _ Charles. Wheelchairs had nothing to do with it. Wheelchairs changed nothing in the way Erik felt for Charles. 

“Erik, I’m glad you’re here.” Charles said, ignoring how startled Erik looked. 

Charles seemed  _ exhausted  _ but he still did his best to smile for Erik. It only made Erik’s heart tighten. 

Charles pointed at the tall man that was accompanying him. “This is Alzador, yes?” 

In his confusion, Erik hadn’t even noticed there was anyone standing behind Charles. 

“Hi, kid.” Alzador, for that was him indeed, said. 

“Oh.” Erik blinked dumbly a few times, the man’s voice pulling him back to reality. “Oh, yes, that’s right. Alzador! Hello! It’s good to see you again.” 

He shook Alzador’s hand while Alzador took him in head to toe, chuckling to himself. “My, my, how you’ve grown.” 

“Thanks to you, really.” Erik chuckled too. 

He was surprised Charles brought Alzador here so soon. He knew he asked Charles to do that for him but he didn’t expect Charles to actually manage to find the man this quickly. It was almost as if Charles knew him already… strange. 

He gaze kept straying down to Charles and his wheelchair quite a lot. He couldn’t help it. His mind was filled with questions but he had to wait before he got his answers. 

Erik was ashamed to admit to himself he didn’t even know Charles still had his wheelchair somewhere in the flat. He always assumed Charles got rid of everything that reminded him of his life before the serum. Keeping the wheelchair would suggest that Charles had been considering the option of not taking the serum anymore, which Erik had no clue about. 

Alzador was tilting his head at him expectantly and Erik suddenly realized that he was standing in the doorway, blocking the way to the living room and in his wheelchair Charles probably needed more space to move about the flat. Erik felt like an insensitive idiot for not thinking of that sooner and tried to concentrate on something other than the dark circles under Charles’ eyes, or his slumped shoulders. 

He cleared his throat. “The living room is this way.” Erik jerked his thumb in the direction behind him and led the way. 

_ “Are you alright?”  _

Charles’ voice in Erik’s head startled him, unexpected -- soft but clear. Flinching slightly in his chair, Charles pulled his mind away almost instantly. 

“I’m sorry.” he muttered out loud, a little self-conscious. “I didn’t mean to frighten you. I’ll talk out loud from now on.” 

“No, no!” Erik was quick to reassure. “It’s good. It really is. I didn’t expect it, that’s all. But I like it.” 

He really did. This was the first time Erik could  _ properly  _ hear Charles talk inside his head and it was kind of thrilling and electrifying. Erik hadn’t realized how much he’d wanted for them to be able to do that, to communicate telepathically, until just this moment. It felt as if they were intertwined in one, it felt almost sensual to him. He swallowed, a little flustered.

Alzador seemed a bit puzzled but decided not to ask. He settled on an armchair and looked around the room like a guest would. 

“Nice place.” he finally said. 

“Thank you.” Erik and Charles both said at the same time. 

Alzador smirked a little but again said nothing. 

Erik kept fidgeting. He couldn’t really sit still. He wanted to talk to Charles in private and find out what was happening exactly. How was Charles feeling about… last night. It was inappropriate to bring it up now though, especially in front of Alzador.

“You were so self-assured the last time we met but now you seem nervous.” Alzador noted. “How’s adulthood treating you?” 

Erik pried his eyes away from Charles. “Fine. It’s treating me fine.” he said quickly.

“Erik’s being modest.” Charles added, a soft smile playing on his lips as he glanced at Erik for a second. “He’s been doing remarkably well. His achievements are impressive.” 

Erik felt his cheeks heating up. He wasn’t the one to be modest about things but for some reason hearing Charles speak of him so fondly and so highly made him blush like a schoolboy. 

“That’s great.” Alzador grinned approvingly. “I knew he’d make a difference if only someone heard him out.” 

“Well, it turns out it’s not only a matter of someone hearing you out, it’s a matter of making yourself heard.” Erik said. “I realized I didn’t need to be big to be meaningful.” 

Alzador smiled. “I see. That’s a good lesson to learn. I wish someone had told me that years ago when I needed it.” 

“Your children can hear it now.” Charles said. “That’s the goal, to improve life with each generation.” 

Alzador’s face did a thing. “Yes.” He said heartfelt. “Yes, it is.” 

For a moment there was silence. Erik knew what he had to ask Alzador but he felt too many emotions to actually spill out the words. He also didn’t know where to begin. 

“So how are you doing, Alzador?” He asked instead. 

“Good.” Alzador replied shortly and that seemed to be the end of it. 

For a moment Erik wasn’t sure how to proceed. There was no protocol here. 

Charles fumbled with his wheelchair. “I’ll go get us something to drink and snack.” he said, using his hospitality as an excuse to leave Erik and Alzador alone. 

Clever Charles! Erik had to suppress an urge to reach out and keep him by his side. But he realized this was a childish impulse. Charles obviously thought it appropriate to give the two of them some space to discuss things. And apparently that was the right thing to do. Erik had to ignore his sudden pang of nervousness that he didn’t even quite understand and do what he had to. 

A little helplessly, his eyes followed Charles and his wheelchair as he left the room until they hid in the kitchen. There was so many things he wanted to ask Charles. Did Charles still love him after what happened last night? Was he mad at Erik for it? Erik didn’t do it on purpose, he really didn’t! Did Charles know that Erik never meant to upset him in any way?

He suddenly realized that he’s been quiet long enough for Alzador to be a little concerned. The man was looking at him with puzzlement. His smile remained amiable and expectant so Erik cleared his throat and at least tried to act normal. 

“So?” Alzador encouraged. 

“So…” Erik sucked in a deep breath.

_ Is Charles alright? _ , he wanted to ask. As if Alzador would know if he wasn’t. It was a pointless question. He didn’t ask it.

“We were looking for you, Alzador, because I have questions.” 

“Yes.” 

“But before that I want to thank you for making my wish come true.” 

“You’re very welcome.” Alzador grinned. “Now ask your question.” 

“Can you turn me back?” Erik finally said. 

Alzador did not look unphased at all. “Yes, I can.” he nodded affirmatively. 

Erik’s jaw almost dropped down, his eyebrows shooting up. Was it really that simple? Just ask and it shall be done? Erik was definitely not used to things happening like that in his life.

“As simple as that?” he asked, still not quite believing it. 

“Yes.” Alzador nodded again, visibly amused by Erik’s reaction. 

“You don’t seem surprised by my request?” 

“That’s because I’m not.”

“Oh?” 

“Mostly because Charles already told me on our way here.” 

“Ah.” Erik let out a small chuckle. Of course he did. Charles would always help Erik as much as he could. Even when he seemingly left Erik to fight his own battles, even then he had already done his best to ease Erik’s work. 

“But also because I expected you to.” Alzador continued. 

Erik frowned, curious and a little concerned. 

“I must admit I didn’t think it’d take you this long.” Alzador explained. “I expected you to run crying to me, begging me to turn you back months ago. But you lasted longer than I thought you would. Well done to you. You’re a tough kid.” 

“I’m not a--” Erik began but then quickly deflated before uttering the last word. “... kid.” he said, mumbling it as he noticed Charles wheeling himself in with a tray of banana juice and cakes on his lap.

“Oh, you’re not?” Alzador asked, arching an eyebrow. The amusement was still in his voice. 

“No, I’m not.” Erik cleared his throat again, taking his glass from Charles and helping him set the table. “Thank you, Charles.” he said. Then back to Alzador. “Charles, Alzador says he  _ can  _ turn me back. Just like that. Isn’t that right, Alzador?”

Alzador laughed joyfully. “Yes. But you seem a bit disappointed.” he observed. “Would you rather I said I couldn’t do it? Did you hope it was irreversible?” 

“No, no, that’s not it.” Erik blushed rapidly. “I’m glad you can.” 

Charles was silent, eyes cast down at his glass of juice. He remained stubbornly silent about it, almost as if he had taken a vow to not intervene or intrude. 

Erik swallowed. 

“Good then.” Alzador clapped his hands together. “I can change you back any time you want.” 

“Good, good.” Erik muttered a little absentmindedly, furrowing his brows to make himself look more serious and determined. 

“So what does he have to do?” Charles finally interjected. 

Erik tried to remember that Charles wasn’t trying to pack him away sooner, he wasn’t trying to get rid of Erik, he was merely trying to help with  _ Erik’s own request _ . 

“Just make a wish on me.” Alzador answered, opening his arms invitingly. 

Erik almost jumped. “What, now?” 

He only shrugged. “If now is what you want.” 

“So soon and so quickly and so… so simple?” 

Alzador gave another nod. “Yeah. I’m a professional.” he added with a wink. 

Erik swallowed nervously, glancing at Charles for reassurance as if Charles could make the decision for him. Much as Charles was looking at him with understanding and affection in his eyes, he wasn’t going to make Erik’s choices for him. It’s one of the things Erik had always appreciated about Charles, that he respected his independence. But now… now he just wished doing the right thing wasn’t this difficult and complicated for him. 

“It’s your decision, Erik.” Charles said out loud with resolution. “I cannot make it for you. I can only respect it, whatever it is.” 

Erik nodded. “I know.” he whispered. “Thank you.” 

“Hey, there’s no rush.” Alzador butted in too. “You still have time.”

“No, it has to be now.” Erik said determinedly. “I-- I cannot put it off any longer. It only causes more pain that way.” his eyes met Charles’.

They gazed at one another for a brief moment before Alzador clapped his hands together. 

“Now it is then!” he said. 

“Do you need your privacy for this?” Charles asked quietly. 

Erik shook his head. “No.” He took Charles by the hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. “I want you to stay with me for this. Please, Charles, stay with me?” 

Charles gave a silent nod and wrapped his fingers around Erik’s hand. The touch was good. Pleasant and reassuring. Charles was here for him. Somehow it made Erik feel more peaceful and serene. More ready to face whatever lied ahead. 

“What must I do?” he asked Alzador. 

“You imagine all the things you want to go back to and wish it on me.” the man explained simply. “It’s as easy as that.” 

Erik closed his eyes and began picturing all the reasons for him to want to go back. His mother, their family home, his-- his--  _ Charles _ . Erik flinched slightly. He wasn’t supposed to see Charles here. Charles was not going to be with him when he goes back to being a teen. Pushing the thought of Charles to the back of his mind he tried to concentrate on his childhood home and town, his mother, Azazel, being 14 again, school, college, being a part of a new student movement, all those plans that he made these last weeks. It worked briefly and then-- Underneath all of it he couldn’t  _ not  _ see Charles’ face. Charles’ eyes looking up at him with love and affection, the feeling of being close to Charles, touching Charles and being touched by Charles in return. Charles whispering in his ear. Charles being there for him always. Charles sliding his tongue in Erik’s mouth. Charles leaning down to press their lips together in a bruising kiss. That wasn’t helping Erik wish to be 14 again. It sort of had the opposite effect, actually. 

He groaned in frustration and shut his eyes tighter, trying to push those inappropriate thoughts away and concentrate on his mother, on Azazel, on the possibility to change the world without feeling like a hypocrite. To accept himself. 

Suddenly he realized at some point Charles had let go of his hand. He felt a wave of anxiety throughout his body. Charles had probably seen the images of himself in Erik’s head and that was why he let go. What must he have thought of Erik?

Erik swallowed nervously and a little awkwardly. 

“I’m sorry. I can’t concentrate on-- on my wish.” he finally said. 

“That’s okay. Take your time.” Alzador said. 

“Maybe I should go to the other roo--” 

“Don’t you dare leave me.” Erik blurted out, surprised by his own demanding voice. 

It worked though. Charles remained where he was. 

_ “I’m sorry.”  _ Erik thought at him, hoping that Charles would pick it up from his mind. 

He slowly inhaled and exhaled. The thoughts in his head began reshaping again, this time imagining Charles as a good memory, as something to look forward to in the future, but mostly picturing a life that would make Charles proud; a life that would make Erik proud too; a life worth living. No pretending, only acceptance. No fear, only hope. No rage, only serenity. 

_ “I want to be myself again. I want to be 14 again.”  _ Erik thought and whispered at the same time. 

When he opened his eyes again he saw Charles smiling at him. It was such a tender and loving smile. Charles looked proud of him, it made Erik feel like he did the right thing even if the thought of being separated from Charles was still too painful. It was the right decision for the both of them, though, and Erik knew it. Patience. Patience was the key to life. Patience and passion. Two opposites that had to walk hand in hand together to make one life complete. 

Erik returned the warm smile. 

“Well, that’s everything.” Alzador told them. “You will be your old self by tomorrow morning.” 

“I won’t be my old self, though.” Erik said. “I’m different. I’ve learned things, I’ve learned patience.” 

“I wouldn’t go  _ that  _ far.” Charles teased with a smile. “You’re still quite impatient.” 

Erik rolled his eyes with a grin. “The point is, this experience changed me. I’ve grown literally and metaphorically. I intend to take that with me.” 

“Oh, I wouldn’t say that.” Alzador shrugged casually. “I mean, you won’t remember anything that happened to you while you were big, so.” 

Both Charles and Erik gaped at him terrified, “ _ WHAT!? _ ” they gasped. 

Alzador burst into a crazy laughing fit. “Sorry! Sorry! I couldn’t help myself! I was only joking. You will remember it all. Your faces were so precious though!” 

Charles and Erik shared a sigh of relief and an awkward glance. Then Erik turned to Alzador again. 

“I see your sense of humor hasn’t changed much.” he said. 

“Well, at least I appreciate it.” Alzador grinned. 

“Ha! Your idiots at the fair don’t? I’m surprised.” Erik said sarcastically. 

Charles’ lips parted. “Um, Erik, Alzador lost his job.” he said carefully. “He doesn’t work at the fair anymore.” 

Erik’s eyebrows shot up at the man. “Really? I’m sorry, I didn’t know…” 

“Apparently I wasn’t exciting and exotic enough.” Alzador said helplessly. 

Erik frowned. The nerve of those idiots! “For what it’s worth, I think you’re plenty exciting and they didn’t deserve you at all.” 

“Thanks, kid.” Alzador smiled. “And it was a bad job anyway. And sort of a dead-end too. I’m glad I’m no longer with them.” 

Erik could tell he meant it but he also knew Alzador was counting on that income. Losing the job, degrading as it was, must’ve been tough on him and his family. 

“Pity you can’t wish a wish for yourself.” Erik said. “You could wish yourself a millionaire.” 

Alzador laughed joyfully. “You do realize I’m not actually a wishing well, right?” 

“Yeah, sure but you still grant wishes.” Erik shrugged. 

“No, I don’t.” Alzador shook his head. 

Erik and Charles both frowned. “Then how…?” 

“Neither of you know what my mutation is exactly, do you?” Alzador asked, a hint of a grin playing on his lips. 

Charles and Erik looked at one another, frowning. “Well, no, not really… I mean, I assumed you made wishes come true.” 

“Not exactly.” Alzador said. “My mutation allows me to alter DNA. When Erik asked to be big I merely aged him. When he asked to be 14 again, I return his cells to the way they previously were.”

“That’s remarkable!” Charles gasped excitedly. 

Erik was not one bit surprised by that reaction. And the mutation really was interesting. 

“Can you tell me more about how it works?” Charles sounded almost pleading. If Erik were a betting man he’d wager that Charles would want to run tests on Alzador’s mutation. 

“Sure.” Alzador agreed. “I can basically feel every cell in your bodies. But of course, no change is permanent. After a year it becomes too dangerous to not return to the original state.” 

Erik frowned. “What do you mean?” 

“Well, we had this dog… my daughter’s dog. He was getting old and I tried to keep him alive by making him young again but after a year he just… he just burst.” 

“Burst.” Erik repeated.

“Yeah. Exploded, like BOOM!” He made the appropriate gesture with his hands too to illustrate how exactly it had happened. 

“You mean I could’ve burst and die if I didn’t find you now!?” Erik gasped, eyes round in horror at the perspective. 

Charles’ facial expression was pretty much a mirror of Erik’s. 

“Oh, don’t worry about that. I wouldn’t have allowed that to happen.” Alzador waved it off. “I would’ve come to you if you didn’t find me first.” 

“Well, appreciated.” 

“Anyway, controlling DNA doesn't sound impressive enough for a mutant fair so they changed it to Wish Granter.” 

“Hmm.” Erik wasn’t sure if that was a better choice. But it didn’t matter now anyway. Alzador was unemployed now. With a heavy heart Erik thought of Alzador’s family.

_ “Do you mind if I offer Alzador a job?”  _ Charles’ voice sounded in Erik’s head again. A little hesitant of weather he was welcome there or not. 

Erik was unused to communicating with Charles telepathically but he hoped thinking his answer loudly would do the trick.  _ “That’s a great idea!”  _ Hopefully Charles heard that. 

Charles flinched.  _ “That was loud.”  _  he sent to Erik, suppressing a chuckle. 

Erik bit his lower lip apologetically.  _ “Sorry. I’m still not used to it.” _

Charles smiled back at him and so did Erik.  _ “It’s alright.”  _

Alzador cleared his throat. “You two want me to leave now, or…?” 

“Sorry, sorry! We were just discussing…” Erik grinned, glancing at Charles and biting at his lower lip excitedly. “Well, Charles has something to tell you.” 

~*~

He let Charles talk to Alzador and the two soon shook their hands on it. Alzador officially had a new job now, and it was much better than his stupid mutant fair job! Erik was happy for him. And he was grateful to Charles too for always doing his best to help people in need. But there were still things he needed answers to. So the moment they were alone again Erik crossed his arms on his chest, demanding an explanation. 

“Are we going to talk about the wheelchair?” he said, tilting his head at Charles.

Charles’ pleasant smile from earlier disappeared and he became serious again. “No.”

“Charles…” 

Charles wheeled himself towards the bedroom. Erik followed him. 

“Charles,  _ please _ . I deserve to know if it’s because of me.” 

Charles’ hands halted at the wheels of his chair. It seemed like he was considered something before he finally spoke again. “It was the only way to find Alzador fast.” he said. 

Erik’s eyes went wide. “You used your telepathy to find Alzador?” 

Charles nodded. “Yes.” 

“Just from what you knew about him from my mind?” Erik asked incredulous. 

Charles nodded again. “Well, yes. I knew who I was looking for from your mind and I just… looked.” 

Erik’s face was filled with wonderment. “You’re-- you’re  _ quite a powerful mutant  _ if you managed to track a mind you don’t even know personally.” 

He smiled softly but a little melancholy. “I’m an omega-level telepath, Erik.” he said, trying not to show how much he enjoyed the praise. 

“I knew that in theory. But wow, it’s so impressive to see you in action!” 

Charles chuckled, a slight blush appearing on his face. “Thank you, Erik.” 

“I wish you didn’t do this to yourself. The serum.” Erik said, then hurried to add, “I mean, I understand why you’re doing it. But I wish you didn’t. Your power is beautiful. And you’re stronger than you think. Maybe you couldn’t control it earlier when you were so broken and still very affected by-- by the accident.” They still hadn’t talked about the accident and Charles’ loss since that last time. Erik didn’t want to upset Charles by mentioning it now but he had to say what he thought of Charles and his mutation. “But now I think you’re ready to be fully yourself again. To let go.” 

Charles remained silent for a moment, long enough to make Erik feel a little awkward for his little speech. But then he looked up at him and extended his hand to him. Erik took it and Charles smiled. 

“Thank you. For everything.” Charles said softly. 

“Umm… you’re welcome?” Erik shrugged, not quite following what he was being thanked for. “I’m just being honest.” 

“Honesty is good.” 

“Yeah. I mean, look what lies did to us.” Erik rolled his eyes. 

“We’re fine.” Charles insisted quietly, looking down at his own hands.

“Are we?” Erik looked at him very carefully. They had started their story with a lie, not an intentional lie but an omission nevertheless. They had fallen in love only to realize that they had to be separated again. Erik needed the reassurance that despite all that they were still  _ fine _ . After everything they’ve been through, Erik needed to know that Charles had understood and forgiven him.  

Charles looked up, a soft loving smile on his face. “We are.” he said and Erik felt a wave of affection streaming from Charles’ mind. 


	14. Chapter 14

They didn’t really sleep that night. Neither of them could. Instead they hung out in the den together, watching old movies, having a laugh and chatting as they pretended it was just a normal night for them. It worked to calm their nerves a little bit. The transformation could take place at any time and they didn’t want to miss it. Charles wanted to be there for Erik when it happened and Erik didn’t want to be asleep again for it. So here they were now.

“Well, another end credits.” Erik chuckled. “Now what?” 

Charles lazily turned his head towards Erik, not bothering to lift it up from the back of the couch. “Mmm, we could play with that giant chess you once made.” he suggested, hardly able to hold in his laughter. 

“Very amusing.” Erik rolled his eyes. “That giant chess was a piece of art! You’re not supposed to play with it.” 

“A bit like you.” Charles bit his lower lip, grinning. 

“Shut up!” Erik grinned too, punching Charles’ arm playfully. “I’m being serious here. We still have like 4 hours more to kill before morning.” 

“Yes. Well, maybe you should get some sleep then. You have a debate tomorrow, after all.” Charles suggested. 

Erik frowned slightly. “I’m not sure if I should go.” 

Charles lifted himself up a little, his eyebrows knitted. “Why is that?” 

Erik fidgeted with his fingers awkwardly as he replied. “Well, Raven doesn’t know about me and-- she’s gonna freak out. Everyone is. I don’t want to ruin our chances at the debate by showing up like a 14 year old boy.” 

Erik almost pouted once the words were out and Charles couldn’t suppress his fond smile. Erik was adorable and his noble concern with everyone else and the cause was positively moving. But Charles didn’t want him to worry. 

“Erik, darling, you’ll only make things better by showing up to the debate. You’ve prepared for this. The debate is possible now because of you. You deserve to be there and participate as much as anyone else in our group.” Charles reassured.  _ Maybe even more _ , he didn’t add. “And don’t worry about Raven,” he continued, “I’ll take care of Raven. You just go do your thing there, on stage.” his thumb stroke gentle circles in Erik’s hand, massaging it in soothing motions. He smiled at Erik, his expression a little dreamy. Erik swallowed. “You just be dashing, charismatic and clever like you always are.” Charles said with a sigh. “Gorgeous and exceptional Erik.” 

Erik blushed only slightly. “Careful, Charles. You’re flirting.” he hummed. 

Charles pulled his hand back to himself and ran his fingers through his face. “So I am.” he groaned. “I’m sorry. I’m getting really sleepy and I don’t know what I’m doing.” his eyes met Erik’s again, such longing in them. “And you’re so gorgeous and right in front of me  _ that I could just _ …” he bit his lower lip, hard to prevent himself from saying more. “Maybe  _ I  _ should go to sleep.” 

“Nah, we’re both fine.” Erik grinned, giving Charles’ knee a tap before remembering that Charles couldn’t feel it now. He still hadn’t taken his serum and his legs were currently numb. “Sorry, I didn’t...” 

“No, it’s good. I’m--” Charles glanced down at his legs. “I’m getting used to it. I might try that. Not taking the serum. See how it goes. And this--” he tapped at his temple, “-- is not so bad either. I can feel like I’m helpful again.” 

“See? I knew you could do well without suppressants.” Erik grinned proudly. 

“Well, I’m not 100% sure yet. I’ll keep the serum close by just in case.” 

“You do that. But don’t feel like you’re dependent on it. Because you’re not.” Erik said, assuredly. 

“Thanks.” Charles smiled. 

Erik gazed into his eyes for a moment and realized he had the strong urge to lean in and kiss Charles. This was dangerous territory that they both wanted to avoid. It was one thing getting intimate with Erik while he was in the body of a grown-up, and quite a different thing to start something and have Erik turn into a teenager in Charles’ arms. Erik wasn’t sure Charles would ever be able to live with himself if they allowed  _ that  _ to happen. 

“I’ll go get more popcorn, ok?” he said quickly before things got out of hand and they both regret it. 

Probably picking on Erik’s thoughts, Charles nodded in full agreement. “Okay.” he said softly.

Erik got up from the couch and headed towards the kitchen. 

He wished he could at least kiss Charles one last time before it was completely off the table, but he knew that this would not be a good idea; it would only make things more complicated between them.  _ Complicated  _ was something grown-ups liked to do to their lives but Erik wasn’t too fond of.  _ Complicated  _ only ever got in the way of really good things. Erik would rather not have his relationship with Charles get any more  _ complicated _ . He was so lost in thought that he didn’t even feel it when his body started changing. He walked back from the kitchen, holding the popcorn in his hands, noticing that the room seemed a little different, as if Erik was looking at it from a different height. His eyes met with Charles’ again and things slowly began to clear up.  

Charles’ lips parted in wonderment as Erik became shorter right in front of him, his sweater hanging on his smaller frame, his sweatpants too big for the 14-year old boy.

“Erik…” Charles uttered, because he was unable to say anything else. 

“Charles!” 

Erik had just transformed right before his eyes. There were no fireworks or magic sparkling sounds, not even some kind of crazy scientist transforming in a laboratory skit. It was just Erik being a tall handsome 30-year old one moment, and then a messy haired 14-year old kid in the next. There was not even a  _ puff  _ and Erik was… a boy. 

Of course Charles knew Erik was a boy before, he expected this to happen. But it was one thing having a full-grown gorgeous Erik in front of himself and understanding intellectually that he was technically 14, and quite another thing to actually see it with one’s own eyes. He found it oddly calming for his own personal struggle. It was so difficult to resist Erik when he looked like an adult, to not think of him as a man and see the child somewhere underneath this glorious facade; but now upon seeing Erik like this -- the adorable kid that he was -- it somehow made things easier. 

Charles’ face cleared up and he smiled warmly at the boy. “Erik.” he beamed. 

Erik put the popcorn that he was still holding down on the table and looked down at himself, his hands, his fingers, then back at Charles, grinning. 

“I’m me again!” he gasped excitedly.

“You’ve always been you.” Charles said fondly with a chuckle. “But yes, you’ve transformed. You’re-- you’re 14 again.” 

“It happened! It happened! It actually worked!” Erik went on enthusiastically. 

His excitement made him look even more like a child in Charles’ eyes. “Yes, it worked!” he laughed joyfully. 

With the decision being as difficult for him to make as it was just yesterday, Erik was surprised to find he was actually happy to be 14 again. “Charles! This is amazing! I feel-- I can’t even--!” He jumped on the couch, sitting there, facing Charles and beaming at him. 

Charles chuckled fondly. “It’s alright. I can feel it from your mind.” he said. “I’m happy too.” 

Unable to put his emotions into words, Erik wrapped his arms around Charles, giving him a long tight hug. 

“Thank you.” Erik whispered. 

He meant to say  _ thank you for the encouragement, the good memories, the friendship, the love, the care, the tears, the joy; thank you for letting me know you and for being such an important part of my life _ .

He couldn’t voice any of it. But he didn’t have to either. Charles felt it all. And he was smiling. “Thank you for exactly the same.” he replied, hugging Erik back. 

~*~  

Raven had always believed that good things came to those who fought for them. Nothing came easy. Everything was a struggle. And she didn’t complain about this, she merely acknowledged it. She was ready. She’s been ready for a long time. Even if they bring her down time and time again, she’d still be fighting. Giving up was not in her nature. Giving up was not an option. Erik had told her so too and she felt inspired by his words. Which was ironic because Erik had always claimed she was the one inspiring him. Maybe they were just mutually inspiring one another. 

She hadn’t realized the corners of her lips were twisting up in a little smile of her own whenever she was thinking of him lately. Thinking of Erik. But once she caught herself doing it, she mentally reprimanded herself for it. Erik was Charles’ and Raven would never, in her right mind, get in the middle of other people’s relationship. Especially not her brother’s who went through his own personal drama with his last relationship. Raven was only happy he was finally dating again. It meant he was moving on from Alex. And that was good. It was about time. 

Raven was impressed with Erik, sure. She was attracted to him, yes. But Charles was in love with him. Raven could tell because she knew well Charles’ lovestruck expression. She could tell he was besotted with Erik at least as much as Erik was infatuated with Charles. It was cute. And Raven full-heartedly approved of their relationship. In fact, deep in her heart she was almost certain that Charles and Erik were soulmates. 

So imagine her surprise when she saw Charles entering the building with some kid by his side, instead of Erik. She rolled her eyes. Now was not the time to play the mentor! What was Charles thinking!? And in his wheelchair too! What happened!? What did Raven miss? A strange nervous feeling was rising steadily in the pit of her stomach. She rushed towards the two. 

Direct approach was always easier and it saved time. Raven had no time. She nodded at the kid and returned her gaze to Charles again. “Charles! What’s going on? Why are you in this chair? Is everything okay? Where is, Erik? And who is this?” 

“Ah, well--” the kid mumbled and Raven instantly shot him down. 

“Not now, kid. I’m sorry but this is rather important. Go play.” she said. The poor boy looked miserable but Raven had no time for babysitting. She turned back to Charles. “Charles, we need Erik!” she insisted, trying to remain calm. “Where is he? We have a serious debate ahead of us and we need Erik!” 

Well… if she had to be honest with herself, that was not the only reason she was freaking out by Erik’s absence. A part of her was afraid that she had driven Erik away with her drunken behavior that night. Nothing happened between them -- thank Goodness! -- but it was still very awkward. When she woke up the next morning with vague memories of coming on to Erik, she felt sick and not only because of the alcohol. She called him afterwards, texted, apologized and reassured that she meant nothing by it, that they were both reasonable adults and knew well how being intoxicated worked. But what if Erik decided it was best to just leave? What if one drunk night caused Raven her friendship with Erik? And then suddenly another fear. What if it caused her her relationship with Charles? Another pang of worry went through her body at that thought. Did Charles know? Had Erik told him? Or did he, being in a wheelchair and therefore having his telepathy back, pick it up from their minds? Had Raven actually gotten between Charles and Erik? Did she ruin her brother’s relationship with her drunken stupidity? She could handle awkward, hell!, she could handle Erik hating her, but how would she ever live with herself, knowing she was the reason for Charles to break up with Erik!? 

Charles was frowning at her a little puzzled. 

“Are you in my head?” she blurted out at him grumpily. It sounded more accusatory than she meant it to be. 

“No, Raven, I am not.” Charles said, suppressing a sigh of exasperation. This was an old argument of theirs and he was obviously hoping they were past it by now. “Please, just hear me out. It’s important.”  

“Yes, of course.” she said but then noticed something. The kid was gone. She looked around and saw him on Erik’s makeup chair, getting ready for… the debate? Raven frowned. He did really remind her of someone… Come to think of it, there was a certain resemblance to… 

_ WHAT!? _

She was suddenly struck with a realization. “Oh, my God, Charles. Is this Erik’s son!? Does he have a kid and you’re babysitting him now!?” she shout-whispered, leaning closer to her brother. “I definitely did not see  _ that  _ coming.” 

“No, Raven, this is not Erik’s son.” Charles said out loud. 

“Then who is this kid and why is he here?” she frowned, almost disappointed that she wasn’t right in her guess. 

“That’s what I was trying to explain to you. He’s going to participate in the debate.” Charles said simply. 

Raven laughed but then she realized Charles wasn’t joining her. “Oh, my God. You’re not joking.” 

“No.”

“You’re being serious.” 

“Yes.” 

“Charles, he’s a  _ kid!” _

“Please, don’t say it like that. It’d break his heart hearing this coming from you.” he said. “And may I remind you that you were considered ‘a kid’ too when you first started protesting.” 

“I was different, I--” she bit her lower lip, shaking her head. “You’re right. That’s what they were saying about me. And I promised myself never to become like those people.” 

Charles smiled warmly at her. “You’re his hero.” 

She looked at the kid again. She pursed her lips worriedly. “Charles, I’m all for the kid to speak up his mind but I don’t think it’s a good idea to let him do that  _ here _ . I mean, we don’t know what he’s about to say. Is he even up for it? We haven’t prepared him, haven’t discussed it with him. What if he panics? What if he can’t debate. What if--” 

“Raven,” Charles cut her off calmly, “he wouldn’t fail us. Trust him.” 

“But--” 

“Trust me.” In her mind he added,  _ “This is Erik.”   _

Raven’s eyes went wide, her jaw slacking. She wasn’t sure she understood him correctly but she was too confused to even ask for an explanation. 

“It’s the truth, Raven.” Charles said once again, this time out loud. “This is Erik. And once he starts talking, you’ll see it too.” 

The boy approached them and Raven felt herself go perfectly still. He really did remind her of Erik a lot. Maybe there was  _ some  _ relation between them. But she still couldn’t believe Charles’ words completely. There was something else there.  _ There must be! _ This teenager could not possibly be Erik!  

Charles smiled at the 14-year old. “Are you ready?” 

The kid sucked in a deep breath and gave Charles a wide grin. “I’m ready.”

And it happened just like that, in an instant. That one moment when Raven recognized Erik Lehnsherr’s wide grin and his eyes sparkling with passion, his ready-for-battle face. Good thing she wasn’t holding a glass or she’d definitely let it slip through her fingers and watch it break into tiny pieces on the floor. 

~*~ 

“Turn up the volume! That’s Erik talking!” Azazel was still pointing excitedly at the TV. “Tell me you see it too, Mrs. Lehnsherr! Tell me you see it too!” 

“It is him…” Edie confirmed quietly. She was so surprised to see her little boy there on the debate and looking like  _ this _ . She expected him to be the grown man she knew was now her son. But seeing Erik’s face again, like she remembered him, it brought up so many emotions in her. It also made her hope… 

They had turned up the sound, of course, listening carefully, heartbeats elevated. 

“Hello.” Erik said from the TV. His voice was determined and clear when he spoke, even if it did feel more child-like after the last time she saw him. He continued. “You may be wondering what a 14-year old kid is doing here on this serious debate with outcomes so major that they might probably eventually affect this 14-year old kid’s life. Well, you have your answer right there. In this question. What we do, what each and every one of us do, affects us all. Often we just stand like silent spectators to our own future. With voices unheard, dreams unfulfilled. We stand quiet, frustrated, hoping for a life that will never be. Because we are ignored by the majority. Others assume they can decide for us, that they know better than us. You presume young people have no opinions because they’re too young to make up our minds. But we do have minds. And even if we’re wrong at least you will know what’s in our hearts. Or aren’t you curious to find out what’s troubling your kids? How are you going to create a better world for the future generations if you don’t know what is hurting them, how they feel and what they think? Problems vary and communication is important in solving them but it goes both ways. So don’t be surprised when someone ‘unlikely’ wants to speak up their mind. And instead of ignoring them, let them speak. Hear them out. If they say something stupid, well, at least you did the right thing. But never ever stop them. Let them speak, just on the off chance that what they say might one day change the world.”

Much like Erik’s entire audience, Edie and Azazel could not tear their eyes away from him as he spoke. Listening to him felt magical. He was so magnetic and charismatic! Edie hadn’t realized her son had become this eloquent and good at public speaking, nor that his proposals and arguments were this clever. The mother’s loving heart filled with joy and pride for her boy. 

Erik spoke and spoke. Erik made himself be heard. And both Azazel and Edie felt there were unshed tears in their eyes.  

“Does that mean he’s coming home?” Azazel asked hopeful. 

Never in her life did Edie Lehnsherr let her hopes run wild. This was the first time. “I-- I think it does.” she said, following her gut feeling. "I think it does." 


	15. Chapter 15

During the debate Erik could feel himself coming to live. He was in his element. Arguing for a living and for a noble cause was a great experience. And being able to do this as himself, without pretending to be older or more important than he actually was, made things so much better. Each of his senses was alight with fire and heightened awareness, of conviction and resolution. He knew he was right and he knew what he was saying mattered. And soon the audience realized that very same thing too. 

His opponents were caught by surprise by a teenager showing up on stage to debate with them. They approached him almost patronizingly at first but very soon Erik showed them not to overestimate him. By the middle of it they were all treating him like they would any adult opponent. They hated him with passion. His age no longer mattered and all they wanted was to hold their ground against his solid arguments, or to kick his mutant ass. They couldn’t. Without losing his temper Erik managed to disprove each of their points and promote his own instead. Then he give suggestions as to what needed to be done in the future. It was by far his best and most enjoyable debate ever! 

By the end of it he could feel true power -- all those people in the palm of his hand, listening to him, taking in his every word like a sponge, respecting his position. The atmosphere was charged with his effects on them, his influence over them. It was electrifying! All his life Erik wanted to be big so that his words could be heard and respected. He felt bigger now, at this moment when he stood there as the teen making his speech to the world, than he ever did before when wearing the mask of a grown-up. And then a realization hit him. 

“To all my mutant brothers and sisters out there, I have one more thing to say.” his voice was clear and calm, earnest and from the heart. “We want society to accept us but we cannot even accept ourselves. Learn to accept yourself the way you are, with all the things that make you different, strange and weird. The environment and the circumstances of our lives have a great influence too, of course. But true strength comes from within! Some answers have to come from inside each and every one of us. That is why each and every one of us should have the right to speak up and be heard. What we have in common unites us. And our differences make us individuals. We don’t need to be sheep in a herd. We are individuals brought together by a common goal. And that common goal is the well-being of humanity, as a whole. Mutant, humans, animals, aliens, even. We all have rights. Our lives matter. Our feelings and our thoughts matter.  _ We matter! _ It’s time we acknowledge that!” 

The audience burst into wild applause, some standing on their feet with tears in their eyes. Erik felt his heart beating so fast he could almost faint with it. And then the calming presence of Charles’ mind was there, in his head, enwrapping him and spreading serenity inside him. At this moment Erik found it -- that point between rage and serenity that made his points so passionate and real. And when the debate was over, Erik felt peace.

~*~ 

Erik returned backstage and did his best to avoid the hoard of people who usually would ignore an opinionated teen but were now suddenly desperate to talk to him. He had no desire to converse with any of them. 

“I don’t suppose you can make them go away, can’t you?” Erik sighed as he was hiding in one of the dressing rooms with Charles. 

“No.” Charles shook his head. “But I can make  _ us  _ go away.” 

Erik frowned in confusion. 

A moment later they were out of the dressing room, walking casually down the corridors and towards Charles’ car without anyone noticing them. 

“Perception field.” Charles explained. “They can only see what I let them see.” 

“Wow!” Was all Erik could say. 

“In other words, we’re invisible.” Charles winked. 

Erik grinned. Charles’ mutation was quite powerful. It was so impressive that Erik found himself getting a little turned on by it. Apparently he wasn’t too subtle about it either because Charles gave him a judgemental look and Erik blushed tomato red, embarrassed by his own thoughts. 

He helped Charles transfer into the driving seat and adjust himself there so that he could drive. Then used his powers to put Charles’ wheelchair in the back and sat in the seat next to the driver.  

“So, where are we off to now?” he asked, fumbling with his seat belt. “I could make the car fly us there.” 

Charles chuckled. 

“What? I want to show off my awesome mutation too. I could do it! I could fly us!” 

“No need for that now, darling.” 

For a moment Erik was worried Charles was taking him directly to his mother. He wanted to go home but he was hoping to get a breather between the debate and his mother. He also kinda didn’t want to say goodbye to Charles yet. 

“We’re going to meet with Raven.” Charles explained as if sensing Erik’s sudden anxiety.

“Oh…” 

“Yes. She expressed a distinct desire to talk to you in private. Away from other people.” 

“Oh, fuck! She knows???” Erik gasped, almost jumping in his seat. 

“Language.” Charles warned absentmindedly. “And yes, she knows. I told her. She doesn't understand it fully yet but she knows.”

Erik quieted down, staring at his hands awkwardly. 

“Does she hate me?” he asked almost inaudibly.

Charles kept his eyes on the road. “She doesn’t hate you, Erik. I can assure you, she doesn’t. Nobody does.” he said and then added a little teasingly. “Apart from your political opponents, maybe. They hate your guts.” 

Erik grinned. “That’s a good thing!” 

“Of course you’d say that.” 

Charles’ hand found his shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. “It’s gonna be alright.” he promised. “You know you can talk to me.” 

“I know.” Erik nodded. “I’m more concerned with what Raven has to say to me though.” 

~*~ 

“Masterful! That was masterful!” 

Raven had been praising him for the last 10 minutes at least. She had almost entirely ignored their history together, or his history with Charles, his concealing his true age, or any sort of awkward questions whatsoever. Typical for a political activist with experience such as herself. She concentrated on the positives -- praising him for his work at the debate. 

Her approval meant a lot to him, of course. But strangely enough, his admiration for Raven had changed during these last 5 months. He used to worship her before. Now he saw her as a person with flaws that in no way diminished her good sides. He cared about her and her opinion, he wanted her approval, but it wasn’t the blind starstruck desperation from back when he was a-- well, when he was younger. Over time his admiration for her had transformed into a mature feeling of respect. And Erik felt good about that. 

“It was perfect! I can still feel myself shaking with excitement from the raw power of your words!” Raven went on, waving her hands enthusiastically. “And the way you modeled your arguments with examples from your perspective as a teenager and I’m guessing your experience as an adult? Brilliant! A teenager with an unheard voice. Unfortunately, a lot of adults can still relate to that feeling. You helped a lot of people to feel better about themselves today, Erik. If nothing else, you achieved that. But I believe this is the beginning of something BIG! And I would love to have you on board for that.” 

She offered him her hand like she did when they first met, months ago. Erik bit his smile, feeling the tears budding in his eyes. It was all he ever dreamed of. He could stay in New York, work with Raven, take a few exams to get his degree, maybe study long-distance at a nice college, have debates like this every week! It sounded great! But it also wasn’t quite what he felt like doing with his life right now. 

“Thank you so much, Raven. For everything.” he said, heartfelt. “But I have a bunch of things to rectify in my small hometown first. My school. My community. I know how to do it now and I want to go back there and try again.” 

“Oh.” Was all Raven could say. 

“I mean, I’m reborn now. I feel like I could do anything, and without hiding. Name one thing I cannot do, even as a teenager!” 

“Voting.” Raven deadpanned. 

Erik groaned. “For now.” 

They both laughed. But it was written all over her face that she did not expect him to decline her offer. She was disappointed so he quickly added. 

“This is not a rejection, Raven. I would still love to help with everything. But in that local area for now. Take it one step at a time. We don’t have to move the Earth to change the world. Big things have small beginnings.” 

She smiled. “I think I understand. Well, in that case, I’m happy to have a supporter such as yourself!” 

“I am grateful to have had you for an inspiration.” he smiled back at her. 

She gave him a hug and a big smile. “And I still expect you to voice your opinions to me as loudly as ever.” 

“You bet I will!” 

“Well, I guess you and Charles need to talk before you go home, so… I’ll give you two some space. I’ll see myself out.” 

~*~ 

Charles was by the kitchen window in his wheelchair, staring outside and seemingly miles away. Erik was sure he went there to give him and Raven some privacy for their conversation but then he genuinely got lost inside his mind. It was adorable and so thoughtful, _ so Charles _ . Erik couldn’t help the fond smile that crept on his face. 

He walked towards him slowly as to not startle him. 

“Raven left.” Charles said, still looking out the window. 

It was not a question but Erik nodded nevertheless. “Yep.” he said. 

“I felt her mind going down the stairs.” Charles confessed. “It was calmer than earlier so I assume you had a nice talk?” 

Erik nodded again. “Yep.” 

Finally Charles looked up at him. He smiled softly. 

“I’m proud of you, you know.” he said. 

“Well…” Erik grinned, putting his hands in his pockets and going for casual. But his cheeks were heating up with blush. 

“Not that it means much, you don’t need my approval or anyone’s approval for that matter, but your own. But I still wanted to tell you that. I’m proud of you.” 

Erik reached to take Charles’ hand in his. “Thank you.” 

They remained like that for a moment before Charles let go and looked through the window again. “So I suppose you’re going home now? Or with Raven?” 

“Home.” Erik replied. “But I’m still keeping in touch with Raven. I’m a volunteer. And I have my own stuff going, y’know. I’m gonna create my Brotherhood.” 

Charles let out a fond chuckle. “Of course you would. Just don’t go about lifting stadiums and submarines or something overly dramatic. Make flying bridges.” 

“Flying bridges! I like that!” Erik grinned. 

Another short silence later Charles continued. 

“Well, let me drive you then. I can-- I can inject myself with the serum and pop into a car in no time.” he said.

“You promised to try being without the serum, remember?” 

“It’s easier to drive that way. It’s really annoying to use a car when you’re in a wheelchair.” 

Erik gave him a look. 

“Fine.” Charles groaned. 

Erik chuckled. “Who’s the kid now?” 

“Shut up.” Charles mumbled but there was no irritation in his voice. 

“It doesn’t sound healthy to just take the serum whenever you get bored of your wheelchair. It’s immature and stupid.” 

“Oh, like you’re any better!” 

They went to the car side by side and kept playfully teasing one another for the rest of the trip to Erik’s home. It was easier to say goodbye that way. 

~*~ 

When they reached Erik’s street, Charles parked the car across Edie Lehnsherr’s house. They remained there for a moment, silent, neither sure of what to say. 

“It looks like a really nice home.” Charles finally settled on saying. 

It wasn’t a big place or anything, hardly luxurious. But it seemed homey and it was where Erik grew up, where Erik was  _ still  _ growing up. And it was where Erik’s loving mother was. That made it better than a palace for all Charles knew. 

“Thanks. I’ll tell mama you said so. She’d be pleased. She puts a lot of effort into making it a home.” Erik said. 

Charles smiled. “Yes.” 

Another short silence.  

“It was strangely comforting, you know. You watching me from behind the stage. I could feel your wristwatch and I liked that. I liked knowing you were close by.” 

“I’ll still be close by. I won’t forget you, Erik. It’s-- Remembrance is like a bond.” 

“I know. But it’s not enough.” Erik said, looking him in the eyes from the seat next to Charles. “Charles, I want to write to you. E-mails, texts, anything you’re comfortable with. Letters even. I just don’t want to lose touch.” 

Charles’ smile was soft and peaceful. “Alright.” he said. It was almost too easy! Erik expected him to put up a fight, say it’s a bad idea. 

“Really?” he heard himself ask, surprised. 

“Yes.” Charles said, amusement seeping through his voice. “I don’t see the harm in it.” 

Erik beamed at him. “That’s wonderful then! I’ll text you as soon as I can!” 

“You do that. Now go. Your mother will be so happy to see you again. I can feel her mind from here.” 

“You can?” Erik’s eyes went wide. “You’re amazing. Your mutation is so cool!” 

“Please.” Charles waved it off but there was a little blush to his cheeks which Erik found adorable. 

Yep, Erik was definitely still attracted to Charles. Which he wasn’t sure Charles reciprocated now that he’d seen the pimply skinny boy he truly was. Maybe that’s why Charles agreed to the correspondence. He had no reasons to be worried of not being able to ‘keep it in his pants’ around a scrawny youngster such as Erik anymore. Erik was no longer what Charles wanted and needed. He wasn’t sure if this made him feel better or not. He should be glad if that was the case, for Charles’ sake, but a part of him missed being desired the way Charles was desperate for him when he was a grown man. 

He sighed, overcome with the bittersweetness of the memories. 

“Erik.” Charles pulled him out of his thoughts. “I can feel telepathic vibes from you and they’re going in the wrong direction right now.” 

Erik chuckled awkwardly, flustered. “Sorry.” 

“It’s alright. It’s normal. But don’t waste time living in memories. Memories are for when we’re old, to remember and relive them. Now’s the time to go create more memories so your old age is more entertaining.” 

“I’ll remember that. Words of wisdom.” 

“Life is a story, Erik. Make your story a good one.” 

“I’d be satisfied if it’s not a boring one.” he grinned. 

“That works too.” Charles smiled. 

They looked at the house again. 

“You should go now.” Charles said. 

“Yeah.” Erik exhaled. 

Charles gave his hand a reassuring squeeze and Erik opened the car door. 

“Bye, Charles. Read you later!” he said, aiming for cheerful. 

“Read you later, Erik.” Charles replied in the same manner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this was supposed to be the last chapter but I got carried away and now I have two more chapters almost ready and then an epilogue! I hope you enjoy ^_^


	16. Chapter 16

Things went back to normal quicker than Erik had anticipated. His mother was so happy he was back, and so was Azazel. Erik was truly glad to see them too. 

At school he’d became sort of famous after his incredibly successful public debate. 

Erik used his current ‘influence’ to create a mutant and human rights club called The Brotherhood (which was basically his and Azazel’s old joke of a club, taken to new heights). The teachers and the principal gave him their full support which was probably because of his connection to Raven. Before that the only thing they used to give him was an order to be quiet. He found their sudden change of direction amusing and hypocritical but it was still in his favor so he was not about to complain. 

The students stopped calling him a mutie freak or a weirdo. Many joined The Brotherhood, mutant and human students of all genders. Erik was pleased. He began transforming his community and with it the world, step by step, like he wanted. 

Things were going really well in Erik’s life. 

And soon enough he was already officially fifteen. He didn’t do anything special for his birthday. He mostly kept quiet about it because he didn’t want people waiting for an invitation.Their attention was still too new and strange for him to trust them this quickly. He was content with receiving greetings and gifts from his mother and Azazel, celebrating with them, a skype session with Raven and a beautifully wrapped present sent by Charles and delivered by mail. Then he texted Charles till little after midnight. It was a quiet 15th birthday but Erik had the best time ever. 

~*~

“Erik, dinner’s ready.” Edie called. She knocked on his door and showed her head inside to find her son grinning at his phone. “Erik, dinner.” she repeated.

“Be right there.” Erik replied, not looking up from his typing. 

She tilted her head, smiling. “What are you doing?”

“Texting Charles.”

“Charles? Your… your friend Charles? From New York?”

“Yep.”

She fidgeted at the door as if hesitating about something. 

“Um… Erik?” she finally uttered. “I-- I don’t know exactly what… what happened between you and Charles while you were in New York…”

Erik looked up, instantly taken aback by her words, by what they were hinting at.

“I-- I’m just saying--”

“Nothing happened, mama. Nothing bad. Charles is not like that. So whatever you think is going on, you’re wrong.” he said defensively.

She exhaled. “Erik, you’re not in New York anymore. And you’re not 30.” she said firmly.

Erik clenched his phone reflexively. “We’re only texting, mama. You know what Charles did for me! You know how much he helped us.”

“I know that, but I don’t think continuing to talk with him is a good idea.”

“Why?” he asked almost furiously.

She sucked in a deep breath. “Okay. I didn’t want to say it but I think he’s in love with you.”

Erik pursed his lips. Of course he knew that Charles was in love with him. They didn’t talk about it much but it was always there in their texts, always implied even if not spoken aloud. But he didn’t want to tell his mother that.

“And I understand that you feel very strongly for him too, and the way you met was a bit peculiar, putting you both in a strange and unusual position. But things have changed now. And obviously nothing can happen. This can’t go anywhere.”

“I’ll be old enough soon.” Erik murmured. 

“You will. But until then, what, you gonna put your life on hold? Or he’s just going to grow old without living first?” 

“Mama.”

“It’s time wasted. It’s not a good idea.”

“Mama, texting him is all I have.” Erik heard himself say, his voice sounding embarrassingly pleading. He didn’t care. “I miss him. Please, don’t take this from me.” 

She stood for a moment, silent and contemplating. Then she smiled a warm smile at her boy and ruffled his hair. 

“Dinner’s getting cold.” 

~*~  

After Erik left Charles tried to return to his usual everyday life. He continued working, opened a bunch of new centers, picked up writing again and gave a lot of lectures. It was emotionally rewarding. But it didn’t make his flat less lonely. 

Charles preferred working late to going home to an empty apartment. He frequently stayed in the office until it was absolutely necessary to leave. It was bordering on weird at times but he was doing a good job and he was Raven’s brother so no one told him anything about it. 

As he was typing his latest lecture on his laptop, his phone buzzed with a new text from Erik. Charles couldn’t help the smile on his face. He swiped the screen, entered his pattern to unlock his phone and started typing in his reply when Raven knocked on his door. 

“Charles, can we ta--” her eyes landed on his hands. “Are you texting--?” 

She did not finish. Her thoughts were chaotic and troubled like her face. 

“I was texting a friend, Raven.” Charles said. 

It wasn’t technically a lie. He was texting Erik and Erik was a friend. But Charles didn’t tell Raven that because he knew the topic made her feel uncomfortable. So he tried avoiding it altogether. 

She arched an eyebrow as though she could see right through him. “A friend?” She closed the door of Charles’ office behind herself and took a few steps towards his desk. 

“Yes.” Charles replied. 

Omitting truths wasn’t same as lying! Not giving detailed reports of all his conversations to his sister wasn’t lying! Then why did he feel guilty under Raven’s scrutinizing gaze? Why did he feel like he was doing something wrong? He wasn’t really! There was nothing inappropriate in his texts to Erik! Although he had to admit at times it was so easy to fall back into old habits and forget that Erik was 15. Every now and then Erik would type something that would make Charles’ heart skip a beat. The texts reminded Charles of Erik’s personality, his mind, his intelligence, his sense of humor, the things Charles fell so madly in love with. The texts did not show Erik’s age and that was at times confusing for Charles. But he was handling it! Whenever that happened, he’d excuse himself to Erik and try not to think about how lonely he was, how much he needed Erik by his side, how much he missed the old times. How every single thing reminded him of Erik -- his beautiful adult Erik that could thrill him with a single little smile. Charles missed him. God, how desperately Charles missed him! He saw Erik anywhere he went. Work, his flat, the streets… Every single  _ fucking  _ thing reminded him of what he no longer had. 

But then the crises was averted. The next day Charles would feel alright again and ready to talk to Erik some more. Because it was an addiction and he couldn’t stop himself. It was better than not hearing from him at all. 

Raven’s eyes were still pierced on him. 

“You’re still talking to him, aren’t you.” she pursed her lips, putting her hands on her hips. It was not a question. She knew he was texting Erik. Maybe it was written all over his face when she burst into his office. 

“We’re not doing anything wrong, Raven.” Charles assured her. 

“You used to date.” she reminded him. As if it was something Charles could ever forget.

“I know that it’s… unconventional, but we made a decision. And you should respect it.” 

“And what decision is that?” she asked defiantly. 

“That we won’t stop writing to one another.” 

“Uh-huh.” 

“Yes, and there’s nothing wrong in that. We’re talking as friends. We were good friends before after all. And it’s a good solution until--” he cut himself off. 

Raven extended her neck as if to hear him better. “Until what, Charles?” 

“... until Erik…” Charles stuttered. 

“Say it.” Raven insisted. 

Charles sighed defeated. “Raven, please, don’t make me.” 

“Say it.” she repeated once again.

“Until Erik is legally an adult. Is that what you wanted to hear? Are you happy now that I said it?” 

She was silent, no longer looking as sternly as before. Her mind was still as agitated though. Charles did not look into it. 

“Charles, I’m sorry.” 

Charles huffed. “Don’t start with that. I don’t want you to feel sorry for me.” 

“It’s just weird.” She tried to explain. 

Charles nodded, lips pursed, eyebrows knitted together. “Yes, it is. But I’m doing fine.”

“That’s not all I’m worried about…” She uttered. 

Distantly Charles picked up a few isolated images from Raven’s mind. 

“Raven, I’m not going to molest Erik!” he gasped repulsed. 

“That’s not what I meant!” Raven said in haste. “I know you wouldn’t! But it doesn’t sound very healthy to me, that’s all.”

“It’s my life and I’m only talking to him!” Charles could feel his head beginning to spin. 

“I never pressed you or him to give any explanation as to how close you two were exactly when Erik was--” she searched for the right word. Then she settled on, “-- in New York. But I don’t think it was just good friends.” 

“That’s over with now.” Charles muttered, looking at his hand resting on the armrest of his wheelchair. 

“Is it?”  

“Anyway, he mostly talks about school, work, ideology, books and movies, and other innocent things.”

“Innocent.”

“Yes, Raven. It may surprise you to know but I’m not going to rape him!”

And then Raven blurted out the most awful thing. “Haven’t you already?” 

She just let it slip, wondering out loud, not sure herself if it counted as rape if Erik was physically an adult. And yes, sure, they knew Erik was aware of himself and capable of making informed choices and giving consent but did it really count? She was honestly confused. She didn’t meant to hurt Charles with her words, but she did. 

“Get out.” he said, voice surprisingly cold. 

“Charles, I--” 

“Get out, Raven. Now.” 

“Charles--” 

“Very well, I’m leaving then. And don’t expect me here tomorrow either.” 

He wheeled himself towards the door. He didn’t want to go to his lonely flat again but there was no alternative. So he did. 

The rest of the evening didn’t go well either. He was already irritated by Raven’s words and then Erik’s messages made things even worse.  

They’ve been discussing Erik’s school activities a lot lately, with his club and the new supporters. And recently Erik kept mentioning this one guy in their conversations quite often. His name was John Allerdyce but they all called him Pyro. And according to Erik he was totally awesome, such fun, very devoted to their cause and extremely passionate. Apparently Erik and he got along  _ legendarily _ . Erik seemed quite fond of him and spoke of him very often. At first Charles didn’t think much of it, he was glad that Erik had another best friend. But soon he began to see it for what it truly was. Erik had a crush. 

Coming to this realization in the same day his sister accused him of rape was one blow too many for Charles to take for one night. It resulted in their conversation not going as smoothly as usual that night. 

 

**Charles** :  _ You sound really fond of this guy. _

**Erik** :  _ Well, yeah. He’s awesome! Don’t you just love him from what I told you about him? _

**Charles** :  _ Love is a really strong word.  _

**Erik** : _ I don’t mean love in  _ **_that_ ** _ way…  _

**Charles** :  _ It’s okay, Erik. You have a  crush. It’s normal. It’s really fine.  _

**Erik** :  _ I don’t have a crush! _

**Charles** :  _ Yeah, right. I can sense it from here.  _

**Erik** :  _ You can sense horseshit! I don’t have a crush! _

**Charles** :  _ Crushes are normal, especially for people your age. It’s really fine. Just maybe stop rubbing it in my face so often.  _

**Erik** :  _ I’m not rubbing anything in your face! I don’t have a fucking crush!  _

**Charles** :  _ You sing praises for that guy in almost every message you sent me in the last two weeks!  _

**Erik** :  _ I’m excited to meet like-minded people. I was sharing my happiness with you! You’re so bloody paranoid!  _

**Charles** :  _ I’m being realistic.  _

**Erik** :  _ We made a promise, Charles. And I’m keeping it. Are you?  _

**Charles** :  _ What do you mean?  _

**Erik** :  _ All that talk about how normal crushes are. Perhaps you’re the one with the crushes. Is that why you suddenly make a problem out of my friendship with John?  _

**Charles** :  _ You’ve no idea what you’re saying.  _

**Erik** :  _ Oh? Is that because of my age too? I guess we’re just dumb at my age. A bunch of idiots that need mature and responsible adults like you to tell us what to do!  _

**Charles** : [delayed]  _ That’s not what I meant. _

**Erik** :  _ Well, I am too dumb to understand what you mean anyway. Like I was dumbly sitting here alone on a Saturday night because I made a promise to the guy I love while you’re probably whoring yourself to your heart’s content for all I know!  _

**Charles** :  _ Erik…  _

**Erik** :  _ Fuck you, Charles!  _

 

They ended the conversation there. And a good thing they did because Charles had no idea how much out of proportion it could go. He ran his fingers through his sweaty hair and sucked in a deep breath. He needed a shower. He needed to sleep. He needed to be unconscious right now. He needed a drink… 

~*~ 

Erik couldn’t sleep all night. He was tossing and turning in his bed, filled with anger, cursing in his mind and wishing he could just sleep and not think for a moment. 

He reread his conversation with Charles several times and it enraged him just the same. 

Was Charles really sleeping with other people while he  _ ‘waited’  _ for Erik? That was probably a logical and normal thing to do… but… it felt so horrible and painful! Erik wanted to scream and tear things up and--

A knock came from his door. 

“Erik? Is everything alright? The metal in the house is shaking.” 

It was his mother. He had woken up his mother with his raging metal. 

He quickly tried to grab a hold of himself. 

“Yeah, I’m fine! Sorry about that!” he muttered, hoping she’d believe it and that would be the end of it. 

“Alright. But if you need anything…” 

“I know! Thanks! Night!” 

He heard her footsteps and exhaled in relief.  

That was a close one. Anyway, he was overreacting. Jealousy did that to people, apparently. Charles wasn’t cheating on him! Of course not! Charles would’ve mentioned if there was someone… someone he was interested with in  _ that  _ way… Would he? Did Erik even  _ want  _ to know? 

Even if Charles was seeing other people, surely that would be alright, wouldn’t it? Erik couldn’t expect Charles to live like a monk for the next 7 or so years till Erik’s glorious return to him. That was unrealistic! Besides he still felt kinda guilty after everything he put Charles through. If Charles was enjoying himself with other people instead of shutting himself away like he did after Alex’ death, then Erik should only be happy for him. And once the anger died down, he tried. Boy, did he try! But he couldn’t quite manage it. He was still in love with Charles. Even if here and there he did find certain people attractive, that was nature, after all, he couldn’t help but notice certain things, but he never did anything about it, never acted on it! And surely that was what truly counted. Erik was going to wait for Charles. But expecting Charles to do the same for him? Was this even realistic? Charles was a grown man with needs. He should be able to do whatever he wanted. He shouldn’t have to waste his life waiting for Erik to grow up. Charles was not supposed to be alone. He needed to be loved. Like Erik would love him, with all his heart, mind and soul. But Erik was away now. Erik was not by his side. And was it fair to expect Charles to pause his life and ignore his need of intimacy because of Erik’s absence? 

Suddenly he felt overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with worry, overwhelmed with loneliness, overwhelmed with life. He just wanted to rest his head and sleep, make everything simple again. Talk to Charles without doubting his feelings. Charles was the one sure thing in Erik’s life, the one constant, the one person besides his mother that Erik could depend no matter what. And Erik wanted this to remain that way. 

~*~

They talked things through the next day. Erik actually called Charles almost as soon as he woke up in the morning, thinking that this sort of a conversation had to be spoken and not just texted. When Charles finally picked up the phone -- probably hesitating if he should even answer Erik’s call -- his voice sounded exhausted and apologetic. 

“Erik? I didn’t expect to hear from you. But I’m glad. I wanted to apologize. I’m so sorry about last night. That was unfair of me.” 

“No, I was unfair to you. I just got angry when you said those things about John and me. And then I got jealous imagining you in the arms of others…”

“That was very wrong of me. I was out of line to say anything about John and you.” Charles was already saying over Erik’s voice. “I shouldn’t have even mentioned it--” 

“No, I’m glad you did. That way we can talk about it.” 

A sigh. “Must we? Can’t we just ignore it?” 

“I’m afraid not. You can’t always ignore everything that upsets you, Charles.” 

Charle swallowed. “You’re right.” 

“There’s nothing between John and me. I don’t want there to be anything between John and me. Not like that anyway. We’re really just friends.” Erik said earnestly. “But that doesn’t mean you have to be celibate and lonely for 7 years. You deserve to be happy, even if it is with other people. I cannot expect you to--”

“Erik, I’m not seeing other people.” Charles cut him off. “I do get lonely, I admit that, but I didn’t go looking for-- for company, I…” the following words he said very quietly. “I find that I don’t really want anyone else.” 

“Really?” 

“Yes.”

Erik chuckled softly. “I shouldn’t be this relieved to hear it. It’s just wrong.” 

Charles chuckled too. “It’s alright. We both feel things we’re not proud of sometimes. Like me and my own jealousy.” 

“I’m kinda flattered.” 

“But you’re young. You should spend your time with other young people your age, not cooped up in your room alone and texting me.”

“I miss you, Charles. I don’t regret coming back home but I miss you.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. But it sucks.”

“It does… but.” 

“I know, I know.” Erik let out another chuckle. “You realize why we’re both so frustrated, right?” 

“Erik.” Charles warned. 

“If we were in the good old days I would’ve taken care of your frustration.”

“ _ Erik _ .”

Erik chuckled some more and dropped the innuendo. 

“Anyway, we’re okay, right?” 

“Yes. Yes, we are.” 

And so things were back to normal. For now. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two updates in the same day!? That's because I love you, my friends!


	17. Chapter 17

Charles and Erik actually saw each other on Erik’s 16th birthday. Erik had specially invited him to come over for the occasion to celebrate. He promised his mother would be at home too so Charles had no reason to feel agitated or nervous about anything. And at the same time they could spend some time together and actually talk face to face, something they both missed. 

Charles agreed to it, the decision rather easier to make than either of them expected. He also decided to take the serum that day so that he could walk and not make Erik and his mother uncomfortable that their home was not wheelchair accessible. Apart from a few isolated occasions, Charles hadn’t used the serum after Erik left. 

But now it was Erik’s sweet 16! A big occasion! A special birthday! Charles had been picking the perfect present for Erik for weeks now so the prospect of seeing him in person was exciting and terrifying at the same time. Charles’ head was buzzing with questions: What if Erik didn’t like his gift and Charles read the disappointment on his face? Had Erik changed a lot? Would he look older by now? Would Charles feel awkward seeing him? 

He realized he was letting anxiety take over so he tried to shake it off and relax. Naturally, that made no difference whatsoever to his mind and he kept being anxious till the moment he rang the doorbell to Erik’s childhood home. 

He heard the door unlock almost instantly, which made him think Erik probably used his power to do it. The thought brought a fond smile to Charles’ face. 

The door swung open and Charles’ breath caught. Erik was-- Erik had definitely grown. Taller than before, the skinny boyish forms from last year replaced by well-defined curves; his face was not like a kid’s anymore either but more like the face of the man Charles used to know. 

For a moment Charles couldn’t register anything, just standing dumbly on the top step at the front door and staring as he clutched the gift in his hands. Then noises and laughter pulled him out of his stupor. 

“Oh.” he heard himself say. “I thought I came before everyone.” 

Erik chuckled, glancing behind himself at his friends in the distance. His  _ young  _ friends. His  _ age-appropriate  _ friends. Charles’ smile wavered slightly. 

“You didn’t.” Erik grinned. “Apparently all my friends decided to come before everyone else so they could help with preparations so now basically everybody’s just early.”

“Ah! Yes.” Charles chuckled. 

“Azazel and Marie are already here, so are Janus, John and Angel. The rest will be here shortly.” 

“Well, have a nice party then. Oh, and happy birthday! Here’s your gift. I hope you like it…”

Erik opened it and gasped. “Charles! It’s perfect! Thank you!” 

He gave Charles a little one-armed hug and beamed at him. 

“Well, I’ll be off then.” Charles then said, smiling and jerking his thumb towards his car, parked before the house. 

“Nonsense! You must stay!” Erik insisted, taking him by the hand. “Come on! You're my guest, after all. I waited for this!" 

With a bit of hesitation Charles let Erik drag him inside. It was a birthday party after all. What was the worst that could happen?

Charles heard the door close behind them and he was officially inside Erik’s home. 

“Everybody, this is Charles. Charles, the guys and gals.” Erik said. “I’ll go show mama the present. You all get to know one another.” he smiled and disappeared off to somewhere, Charles’ eyes following him longingly as he dreaded the idea of being left alone with Erik’s friends. 

“You don't look much like Erik.” one of Erik’s friends, the southern accent made Charles presume it was Marie, observed. 

Charles chuckled.  “Why should I look like Erik?” 

“You’re his uncle, right?” she replied. 

Charles’ smile froze a little. “What?” 

“Aren't you Erik's uncle?” 

“Um...no…”

“His teacher? Mentor? Erik did speak of that guy back in New York who was the best with mutant kids. Are you  _ that  _ Charles?” 

“I thought that Charles was in a wheelchair.” A dark-haired boy added. 

“This is so cool! Are you him?” The other girl, probably Angel, asked. 

“Er… Well, I’m… Erik and I we worked together on… um…” 

“Hey everyone!” Another boy bursted inside the room, attracting all the attention and interrupting the awkward conversation. He was holding a few bottles high up to show everyone. “I stole some drinks!” 

“He means juice!” Marie added a little too hastily with a warning glance in Charles direction. 

“Oh…” the boy with the bottles deflated a little. “Right…” 

And that was it. The last reminder that Charles was definitely out of place. Like a puzzle piece that couldn’t fit. Hell, he was a puzzle piece from a completely different puzzle! 

He slipped to the kitchen the first chance he got. He needed a glass of water and some alone time to pull himself together. He wasn't supposed to be the teacher, the mentor or the chaperon here! He wasn’t supposed to be mistaken for Erik’s bloody uncle! He wasn't even sure what exactly he was supposed to be. Maybe he wasn’t supposed to be here at all...

He gulped at the water thirstily then sucked in a deep breath. 

“It's rough, isn't it?” a voice came from behind him.

He jumped startled and turned around to face the person in the room. It was Edie Lehnsherr, aka Erik’s mother. Not that this made it any better! 

“I’m having a good time.” Charles insisted, placing the glass of water down at the counter a little shakily. 

Edie chuckled. “You don’t have to put an act for me.” she shook her head with a clever smile that reminded Charles of Erik’s smirk. Edie pulled a chair and sat down, looking up at him rather warmly. “I know things have been rough on you.”

Charles swallowed. He sat down at the table next to Edie, even though he wasn’t sure where this was going. At least it beat the alternative of going back to the room full of Erik’s teenage friends where there was definitely no place for Charles. 

“I just came here to wish Erik a happy birthday. I didn’t expect a…” 

“... a class of students?” Edie offered. 

Charles gave a nod. 

“I’m sure you’re a good mentor, Charles.” she said. “From what Erik told me about you, it sounds like you are.” 

“I’m trying my best.” he smiled. 

“But this here isn’t work.” Edie said. “It’s personal, isn’t it?” 

Charles felt the edges of his lips curling down. “My work is personal to me too. I care very much about it.”

“I’m sure you do, Charles. But Erik is still different. And you treat him differently too.” she said. “Or do you deny it?”

Charles did not deny it. What was the point in that anyway? Edie Lehnsherr was not that naive. She probably knew about Charles’ feelings. Embarrassing but true. 

“I had the same problem when I first saw Erik as a grown-up.” she continued, tilting her head thoughtfully as if lost in her memories. There was still a soft, kind smile on her face. “I had trouble seeing the man and kept seeing the boy. I knew he didn’t need that at the time so I let him be. And he’s back to me now, to grow up the proper slow way that would give me time to get used to the idea.” 

Charles was listening to her quietly. 

“My problem was that I kept seeing the boy in the man. Your problem is that you still see the man in the boy.”

Charles’ throat felt tight. “Mrs. Lehnsherr, I assure you that Erik and I--”

“You don’t have to assure me about anything, Charles. And please, call me Edie.” 

“Edie. I feel that I have to say--” Charles began but Edie interrupted him again.

“I know my son, Charles. And I can imagine what might have happened in New York. I try not to think about it because honestly it hurts my brain. But I can imagine Erik didn’t tell you either, did he?”

“Pardon?”

“When you two met in New York. Erik didn’t tell you about his… situation?”

Charles shook his head. “I learned when you did.”

“Mhm. I thought so too. I read it in your face then and besides Erik mentioned a few things when he returned home.” Charles glanced down at his hands. Edie went on. “But I know he cares about you very deeply. And I can tell you’re a good man, Charles.”

Charles was glad he took his serum. He didn’t want to know what Edie was thinking right now. Something inside made him want to reassure her though, to tell her that he wants only the best for her son. 

“Things changed after I found out the truth.” he muttered, looking down at his hands again. “At least we tried to-- to change the dynamics of our--” he couldn’t utter the word ‘relationship’. It felt too sinfully intimate under the circumstances. 

“Why don’t you say it, Charles? It’ll make you feel better if nothing else.” 

He sucked in a deep breath, looking at her with wet eyes. “I still love him.”

“I know.”

“I still love him and I miss him so much.” he sobbed quietly. “The moment I found out my heart broke. I thought he was the love of my life. I thought waiting for him would be easier but it’s not. And it’s killing me.” 

His vision blurred and he realized his eyes were filled with tears. God, he hoped no one else would witness this! It was bad enough already that Erik’s mother was seeing him like this. 

Suddenly he felt arms around him. Edie was hugging him, stroking his head like she would Erik’s. Like Charles was her son too. 

“It’s alright.” she said softly. “Things are difficult now, stressful and painful, but they will get better. It’s how life goes. One good day, followed by a bad one, then another good one. But everything is going to be alright. Everything is alright.”

Charles was sure this woman would still be saying ‘everything is alright’ even with a gun pointed at her head. She was stubborn like Erik and hopeful like Charles. She also managed to calm him down. 

“I’m sorry…” Charles muttered, wiping his wet eyes and cheeks. 

“Apology accepted.” she said. “Now go freshen up a bit. Erik’s expecting you. He was so excited to see you again. He couldn’t stop talking about you.”

Charles smiled. “Thank you.”

She waved it off and directed her attention to the sandwiches she was preparing for Erik’s birthday guests. 

Charles followed Edie’s advice. He hid in the bathroom, took a long look in the mirror and poured some cold water over his face in hope to conceal all signs of crying. He felt better now, after his emotional outburst and Edie’s words. It was also nice to know she didn’t hate him. He could feel she meant it even without his telepathy.  

When he returned Erik beamed happily at him. They spent no time alone at all, always surrounded by Erik’s new friends. And that was the way it had to be. Charles was not Erik’s boyfriend. They couldn’t really talk like Charles had hoped to. But that was the position they were in right now. He couldn’t just pull Erik into his arms and kiss him. He couldn’t even say he loved Erik without feeling guilty about it. It was easier when Erik still looked like a kid but even that was taken from Charles now. Erik was grown, looking more mature and more like the man Charles fell for. It was confusing. Very confusing and Charles had mixed feelings about everything. 

He kept smiling. His smile a little awkward and stiff on his face but nevertheless there. As if he was afraid if he didn’t smile he’d be crying again. His hands were clenched together in his lap. He was quiet for most of the time. Nobody really noticed anyway. After a little over an hour he pulled Erik aside and excused himself that he had to go. 

Erik frowned immediately. “Oh? So soon?” he said, sounding disappointed. 

Charles nodded. “Yes, I promised Raven I’d help with the new center.” 

It was a pathetically transparent excuse but Erik didn’t doubt it. 

“I understand.” he said. “If you have to go, you have to go. I’ll call you later, okay?” 

Charles smiled and nodded again. Erik hesitated for a moment before pulling him into a tight hug. “I love you.” he whispered and Charles shuddered a little. 

“I-- me too.” he mumbled quietly and left. 

This was a surreal experience for him. Erik was beginning to slowly shape physically into the man Charles knew from before. But he was still a teenager, busy with his new friends, preoccupied with his new schemes, excited about life and full of inner fire. And that was a good thing. Charles wanted this for Erik. But where did Charles feature in all of that? He couldn’t help wondering, as Edie’s words kept coming to him  _ Your problem is that you still see the man inside the boy.   _

~*~  

He went straight home. He didn’t feel like doing anything today. The safety of his own bedroom sounded lovely to him now. He’d probably curl on his bed warm in his comforter and binge watch a favorite show or something. Maybe re-read  _ The Once and Future King _ . A little cozy me-time would be good for him and might ease the strange weight he was feeling in his chest. 

When he got to his flat he found a guy with flowers waiting at his door. 

Charles frowned. “May I help you?” 

“Yes. I’m here to deliver these flowers to you. They’re from someone who’s very sorry and regrets things and wants to offer you their sincere apology.” 

Charles’ expression was stone cold again. “I don’t have time for this.” he said, taking his key out of his pocket. 

“But this is really important to the person who sends the flowers.” the man insisted. 

“Then why not deliver them personally?” Charles said, pursing his lips. 

“Maybe they were afraid to show their face to you…” the man offered a little sheepishly. 

Charles sighed exasperated. “Drop the charades, Raven.”

The delivery guy shifted into Raven’s form, the same regretful look on her face. “I really got you the flowers. I know you like living things.” 

Charles took the flower pot in his arms. “Okay, you brought them. Thank you. Is that all?” 

“No.” Raven said. “May I come in? I’d much rather not do this in the hall.” 

She looked around skeptically. Her eyes were saying it out right  _ I don’t want others to hear what I have to say.  _

“5 minutes.” Charles said and entered his flat, leaving the door open for her. 

Raven followed quickly, closing it behind herself and putting her coat on the hanger. 

Charles placed the flower pot on the table, gently stroking the petals. Then when he heard Raven’s footsteps he stood upright and looked her in the eyes. 

“You’re not in the chair.” Raven noticed. “Is that permanent now or…?” 

“I was outside. It was easier this way. But I’m not taking the serum again. This was a one-time thing.” he replied. He still sounded reserved and distant which was not usual for him, especially when he was talking to Raven. 

“Charles, I know what I said hurt you and I’m sorry about that. I didn’t mean to upset you, I was just thinking out loud and this whole thing between Erik and you is just so-- I dunno, it’s confusing. And it’s weird. And it’s giving me a headache. I’m worried about you.” 

Charles pinched the bridge of his nose. “Raven, stop.” 

“I’m not saying these things to hurt you, and I don’t want an argument, I just have mixed feelings about this.” 

“Please, stop.” Charles said again. “I’m not mad at you. You had a point. I made a mistake. I thought Erik and I were-- I made a mistake.” 

“Oh, Charles! You’re not the only one!” Raven gasped.

He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. 

“I came onto Erik. That night at the party, we got drunk and I-- I won’t say I didn’t know what I was doing, because I did, but I wasn’t thinking.” 

Charles was silent. 

“Nothing happened. Erik turned me down.” she chuckled weakly. “I apologized the next day and we were good.” 

Charles was still silent. 

“I guess I wasn’t sure if you knew about it or not and it just bugged me to keep it a secret from you. So there. Hate me if you want to.” 

“I don’t hate you.” Charles whispered quickly. 

She waited for him to say something else but he didn’t. Maybe he too wasn’t sure what to say. She continued.

“Anyway, I wanted you to know about that and I wanted you to know that you’re not alone in this. You aren’t a pervert for falling for Erik. He’s easy to fall for. And he obviously loves you too. I admit I thought you two were soulmates.” 

“Pft. Soulmates.” Charles chuckled bitterly. 

“The thing is, I believe you two can make this work one day. And I hope waiting for that day is not as difficult as I imagine it to be.” 

Charles bit his lip. “Thank you.” 

Raven burst into tears. “I’m sorry I called you a rapist, Charles!” 

She was sobbing in the middle of his living room, shoulders slumped, face red and swollen and wet. Charles couldn’t just let this go on. He took a few steps towards his sister and wrapped his arms around her. 

“It’s alright. Everything is going to be alright.” he repeated Edie Lehnsherr’s words. 

~*~

Erik did call as promised. Late at night, it was almost midnight, almost not his birthday anymore. 

“Hey! I love my present! Thank you again, Charles.”

Charles smiled. “I’m glad you like it. I spent a lot of time coming up with it.” 

“Well, it worked. You surprised me and you made me very happy.” Erik replied. 

The feeling of pleasing Erik, of making Erik happy, was washing over him like waves of joy and satisfaction. 

“That’s good.” was all he managed to say. 

There was a short silence, slightly awkward as if each were looking for something to say. Charles wasn’t sure why it was happening, that wasn’t like them at all! Finally, Erik spoke first. 

“Are we ok?” he asked. 

Charles furrowed his brows a little. “Um, yeah. Of course. Why wouldn’t we be?” he said. 

“It's just that…” Erik sounded strange. “Well, after my birthday things just felt a little… weird. Did they?”

“No! No, they didn’t. We… we’re… we’re okay.” Charles reassured. 

His heart was beating faster, he could hear it in his ears, blood throbbing there, deafening. He swallowed nervously even though his throat was dry. Who was he trying to fool? Mostly himself, probably. 

“Actually… no, we’re not okay.” he then said. “In fact I think we haven't been okay for some time now.”

He heard Erik sigh in the telephone. “Yeah, I get what you mean.” he said. 

The fact that Erik acknowledged there was a problem made Charles feel a pang of pain in his heart. It was true, of course, but a selfish part of him had hoped that Erik would deny it, claiming there was no problem at all. But there was. And he couldn't go on like that for another 3 or 5 years.  

“So what do we do then?” He asked, making his voice sound neutral. 

“I dunno.” Erik exhaled. “I guess we should stop talking.” 

Of course. That was the right decision. No texting, no late phone calls. 

“I guess. “ Charles replied rather quietly.

“Doesn’t mean I don’t still love you.” Erik reminded. 

“I know. And I still love you too.” he said. It felt wrong to say it to a 16-year old boy. He bit his lip, hard. 

Maybe his voice had let on some of Charles’ emotions because Erik suddenly sounded more cheerful. 

“Hey. I'll come looking for you on my first birthday as an adult.” Erik said. An attempt to make Charles feel better no doubt. Erik had felt his misery even through the phone. It was still sweet of him to be so caring. Charles chuckled. 

“Only if you feel like it. And if I'm not too old and bald by then.” he joked. 

“I have a thing for older guys.” Erik teased. Charles could hear his grin and the image filled him with sudden joy. 

“You’re unbelievable!” 

“You better believe it!” 

“Lucky me.” he said. 

“Shut up!” Erik chuckled. 

“No, I mean it. I am lucky. To have met you. To have loved you. To have known you…” 

“This isn't really a goodbye, Charles.” Erik said rather firmly.

_ “Yes, it is.” _ Charles thought. But the world's remained unspoken. 


	18. Chapter 18

Charles dedicated most of his time to the new Mutant Center he opened. It was a marvelous shelter, a masterpiece of a project, a place where each mutant could come and be offered help, protection, assistance, care. It was a safe haven for everyone who needed it. The Center became Charles’ child and he kept pouring all his time and energy into it.

His private life consisted mostly of dinners with Raven and Hank and their child. Yes, Raven got married and had a kid that was now 2 years old. It was an adorable little blue thing too and Charles loved being an uncle. He often babysat for her when she and Hank were too busy with their own work. There were also several outings with his new best friend Ororo Munroe who was also his right-hand person at the Center. But other than that his personal life didn’t shine with anything remotely interesting. Charles didn’t mind. There were lots of projects to concern himself with anyway, future plans for the center, day-to-day running, problems that kept emerging out of nowhere. All those things kept him busy enough. Things like the mutant registration act. The idea that all mutants had to register their powers and be known for what they could do was not a novel idea. It’s been out there for quite some time now. However, never before had it been so passionately promoted by its supporters. It was quickly gathering enthusiasm from a certain group of humans. Radicals, if Charles had to use the right word for it. It was a bad idea, this act.

“Firstly,” Charles would say on many occasions both public and private, “this act would institutionalize the division in our society between those who were born mutants and those who were born humans. Secondly, not all mutants would be safe if they came out as such and a legislation like that would take away their choice. It is a private matter and each individual should have the opportunity to keep it to themselves if they so wished. Thirdly, it was frankly impossible to list all things a mutant could do since a mutation is a very relative matter. Much like a talent, it could develop more in time and with practice or it could stay the same. It can change, therefore it is impossible to calculate a mutation and precisely predict the abilities one could eventually have. It is as much inherited as it is an unknown potential.”

And last but not least, this legislation was personally pissing him off. It was infuriating that anyone would even suggest such a thing! Registering mutants as danger to society! Anyone, mutant or human, had the potential to be  _ dangerous  _ . A man behind a wheel could be times more dangerous to society than any mutant. A human serial killer with an ax was more dangerous and yet it was the mutant kid that got kicked out of school for incidentally burning a trash can when her powers manifested. At the same time when a human incidentally harmed his father with a knife so that the old man had to spend months in a hospital, that got brushed off as an accident and the guy walked with a warning. The inequality of the treatment towards humans and mutants was still a fact, unfortunately, but once they institutionalize it things would get really bad. That would be when hope starts dying.

Charles was furious and he wasn’t going to stand idly and watch. He was lost in thoughts about his new plan for action when Ororo walked in his office.

“This is for you.” she said placing a heavy book on his desk.

“Oh!  _ The Once and Future King  _ !” Charles exclaimed. “My favorite book! And a first edition! Thank you, Ororo!”

“It’s not from me. Someone left it for you. It was on Kitty’s desk this morning. She asked me to give it to you.”

Kitty Pryde was Charles’ new assistant. She was a lovely young girl that used to come to the Center to get help, then she came often to volunteer and now she came every day to work.

Charles was slightly puzzled. “Oh? Who’s it from?”

“A Max Ei--”

“Eisenhardt.” he finished the name at the same time as her and sighed exasperatedly.

“You know him?”

Well, that was a good question. Did Charles know him? No, Charles had never even met the guy! He had neither the time, nor the desire to deal with intimate relationships. Which is why he found it really annoying to be persistently pursued by a certain Max Eisenhardt.

“Not exactly.” he replied to his friend’s question, slouching slightly in his wheelchair.

Ororo’s curiosity remained silent but very much present.

“It’s all rather ridiculous, really.” Charles muttered, a little embarrassed. “I haven’t met him in person. But he seems to be quite--  _ obsessed  _ with me.”

Ororo smirked as she settled more comfortably on the seat opposite Charles, ready for a story. “Oh? Sounds exciting. And you’ve been keeping it from me for how long exactly?”

“His first letter came almost a month ago.”

Ororo gaped. “A month ago!?”

“But it’s nothing really.” Charles said hastily. “Max Eisenhardt is a fan. That’s all. A  _ really big  _ fan.”  

“And now he sends you first edition books?” she arched an eyebrow.

“He won’t stop sending me gifts and flowers and some quite suggestive notes. He’s so weird.”

“And what have you done about it?”

“Nothing. I ignore them.”

Ororo gave him a look.

“Well, the whole thing started innocently enough. And he’s not hurting or harassing me. He just keeps sending gifts.” And notes that made Charles blush rapidly and be eternally grateful there was no one to witness those moments, but he wasn’t going to mention  _ those  _ to Ororo. He had no idea why he kept reading the notes instead of just tossing them in the trash. Reading them always ended with Charles being outraged by Eisenhardt’s forwardness and shameless flirting. He cleared his throat. “The point is, there’s nothing I can do about it. There’s no return address, I have no information whatsoever about a Max Eisenhardt. It’s like he’s the phantom of the opera -- unseen but  _ there  _ .”

Charles still remembered Eisenhardt’s first letter. It was rather sweet really. A praise to Charles’ outstanding work for the mutant community and how priceless and precious that was. Charles was rather flattered by it. He replied to the letter with a warm  _ thank you  _ as he usually did with most of the ‘fan-mail’ he received. He didn’t think much of it afterwards but then one day he got flowers delivered to his office. Actual flowers in a flower pot because Max apparently had a hunch that Charles liked flowers that won’t die in a week. It left Charles quite confused. After making sure that Raven wasn’t playing some twisted joke on him, Charles was even more puzzled. He did not know a Max Eisenhardt, and, frankly, he had no clue where the man got the idea that Charles might be interested in him. But apparently that was what the man thought because the nature of his appreciation for Charles quickly turned from professional admiration to a more intimate interest.

“How often does he send you these  _ gifts  _ ?” Ororo asked, still quite amused by Charles’ suffering.  

“Twice a week.” Charles hung his head. Yep, Max Eisenhardt was quite regular in his escapades.

“And he wants to meet you? Face to face?”

“He does.” Charles groaned.

“Will you?”

Charles arched both his eyebrows. “Meet him?” he shook his head with a chuckle. “Oh, no, no, of course not. I haven’t met him and I’d rather it stayed that way.” he said, putting the book on the side of his desk. “Really, the man has no shame! The things he writes to me when he sends me those flowers and gifts! It’s insane.”

Ororo chuckled. “You have a stalker.”

“I hope not!”

“A fan then.”

Charles huffed. “Fanatic more like.”  

Ororo still found it amusing.

“Stop grinning at me about it.” he all but pouted. “It’s not a good thing.”

“You’re a public figure, Charles. You’ve done so much for the mutant community. It’s no surprise people appreciate it.”

“This,” Charles said, grabbing the book and flipping nervously through its pages, “is not just appreciation.”

“Okay, so his flirting is unconventional. It’s also kind of original and exciting, isn’t it?”

“I don’t want to be flirted at.”  

“Much as you like to pretend to be an old bald professor, you’re not actually that. You’re an attractive young man with charming personality. Maybe you should give Max the Magnet a chance.”

“Max the Magnet?” Charles arched an amused eyebrow.

“Because he sticks to you like magnet on a fridge.” she winked.

Charles rolled his eyes with a chuckle. “Thanks, Ororo, you made this really awkward for me.”

“Any time.” she grinned

“I don’t even know how old he is!” Charles called after her but she had already closed the door, leaving him alone with the book.

Charles opened the first page and saw there was a dedication from ‘Max the Magnet’.

_ What you love the most stays with you forever. _

_ For the man I always keep in my heart, with all my love. _

“Hmm, clever.” Charles mumbled to himself, running his fingers over the inscription.

Maybe Ororo had a point. Maybe Charles should at least see this Max person. Least of all to satisfy his curiosity -- he did seem like an interesting man, judging by his choice of gifts, even if he was really weird. Charles was in no mood for relationships, though. He’d been sort of a monk after Erik left and that was 6 years ago. Six years since he last heard from Erik. Six years since they decided to not contact one another. Six years of loneliness. Maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea to check Max out--  to check  _ the situation  _ out. Charles deserved a bit of unwinding and--

He couldn’t finish the sentence in his head. Even the mere thought of being with someone who wasn’t Erik made him feel sick in the stomach. He sighed. He was still not over Erik. He probably should have by now. Erik mostly likely had moved on from Charles years ago, or why else would he not have contacted him yet? It’s been like 3 years since Erik turned 18. But Charles, in his stupidity, still had hope. Hope that one day the door will open and Erik will walk through it. But it’s been six years. Was it even worth keeping this hope alive? Or was it less painful to just try to forget?

Charles put the book away, shaking these unsettling thoughts out of his head. It was his loneliness speaking and in cases like this he usually buried himself in work. So work he did.

~*~

Charles kept his new copy of  _ The Once and Future King  _ . It was his favorite book and a first edition and he wasn’t going to throw it in the garbage. Whatever sort of person Max Eisenhardt was, one thing was sure -- he knew what Charles liked.  

~*~

Two days later when Charles was eating breakfast in his office and checking his email he stumbled upon an email address he hadn’t heard from before:  _ mutantbros@gmail.com  _ . He frowned. The username stuck out from all the rest of the emails in Charles’ inbox. There was no other name or description that could’ve given a hint as to who this might have been from, but it had  _ mutants  _ in its name so it sounded like it could be work-related so he clicked on it and started reading.

_ Professor Xavier, _

_ You may not remember me but I assure you I remember you well. I have been pursuing you for quite some time now and I have been ignored ever since I started. I apologize if I crossed a line. My wish was only to attract your attention somehow outside of work. I’ve heard it is considerably hard to do that. However, I feel like we could be good together so I tried to woo you. I may have failed… You, sir, are not easy. But I respect that and I’m sure you have your reasons to not want to meet what might appear to you a psycho asshole secret admirer. Or maybe you never even read my little notes at all. But just in case you had and have become annoyed with me, I apologize. I never meant any disrespect. _

_ Accept the book I sent you as a token of gratitude for all your inspiring work. I wish you all the best and hopefully one day we meet under pleasant circumstances when I don’t come off as a stalker. _

_ Yours, _

_ … _

There was no name. Which felt odd, considering the old-timey-letter style of the e-mail. There were, however, glaringly obvious hints as to who the author was.

Charles hesitated. He hesitated for a really long time. Then finally, for the first time in more than three weeks he decided to reply to Max Eisenhardt.

He sucked in a deep breath and typed in his reply:

_ Mr. Eisenhardt, I presume? _

_ I must admit your recent advances were rather getting on my nerves. While I’m flattered, I cannot return your interest. However, your apology is accepted and I wish you best of luck. _

_ P.S. Thank you for the book. _

_ P.P.S. Let me know if you’d like to have your other gifts back. _

_ Sincerely, _

_ Charles Xavier _

Surely that was enough. There was no need to be too rude to the man just because he’d been showing his strange affections in a ridiculously stupid and annoying way. After all, his presents weren’t really that bad, actually. And he didn’t seem to mean any harm.

Charles re-read the short reply and finally hit sent. He assumed that would be the end of it but that same evening...

_ Mr. Xavier, _

_ First, allow me to thank you for replying to me again. I didn’t think you would! It was a very pleasant surprise for me. _

_ Second, I presume you are in a relationship and I have made you feel awkward and uncomfortable with my pursuits. I admit I was never good at flirting but you probably noticed that already. _

_ Anyway, I didn’t know for sure if you were single or not. Had I known you had somebody, I wouldn’t have sent you those notes. I hope you have no ill feelings. _

_ As for the presents, I’d be glad to know you kept them. _

_ Yours, _

_ Max _

Charles would blame boredom as the force that pushed him to reply. It was really late when he read that email, he couldn’t sleep, and with no one to actually talk to at this time of night replying to an e-mail seemed innocent enough.  

_ Max, _

_ I am not in a relationship but I’m not interested in dating anyone currently. My reasons are personal so I won’t get into them. I can assure you though that they have nothing to do with you or your flirting skills which are still better than mine, believe you me. At least you get points for creativity. _

_ I hope you’re not upset because of this. I’m just not capable of offering you anything but friendship. And professional assistance in case you ever need it. _

_ Sincerely, _

_ Charles Xavier _

He only had just hit sent like a minute ago when Max Eisenhardt’s name popped up in a chat bubble.

**Max** :  _ Hi, Charles. I just got your e-mail. So you’re a night owl then? _

Charles jumped in bed startled. For a moment he wasn’t sure what to do but then rolled his eyes at his own uncertainty and started typing. It was only a message after all, why was Charles overthinking it?

**Charles** _: Hello. I rather am, yes._ And then he added. _You?_

Max was typing.

**Max** :  _ I’m more of an early bird, usually. But I sometimes stay up late. _

Max was typing again.

**Max** :  _ If there’s a reason good enough to keep me up ;) _

Charles groaned. Why did he ever think replying was a good idea! He was about to sign off when Max typed again.

**Max** :  _ I’m sorry. I did it again, didn’t I? It’s a defense mechanism when I’m nervous. And I’m really nervous when I talk to you. Even like this. _

And just like that Max became pleasant again. What was it with that guy? He had this ability to keep Charles’ attention to himself even when Charles didn’t want to let it happen. Like Max could infuriate him and still be likeable.

Charles sighed and typed.

**Charles** :  _ We all do strange things when we’re nervous. You don’t have to be nervous though. _

**Max** :  _ You’re a very important person to me. Always have been. Hence the weird nervousness. _

Charles chuckled.

**Charles** :  _ You’re quite the starstruck fan, aren’t you? _

**Max** :  _ Is that what you think of me? It’s still better than ‘a weirdo who won’t stop sending you unwanted gifts’. _

**Charles** :  _ It would be rather nice if you stopped with that, yes. And with the notes. _

**Max** :  _ So you don’t like my gifts? :( _

**Charles** :  _ It’s not the gifts that are the problem here, Max. It’s your expectations. _

**Max** :  _ You’re never meeting me, are you? _

**Charles** :  _ I’m sorry. _

**Max** :  _ That’s alright. I understand. I’ll stop pestering you about it then. _

**Charles** :  _ I appreciate that. _

**Max** :  _ Must we stop this conversation though? I’m not really sleepy and you are a very interesting person to talk to. _

Charles hesitated. He had work tomorrow. It would be better if he just went to bed.

**Charles** :  _ I guess we can talk some more. _

**Max** :  _ Great! What are your views on the Mutant registration act? _

Charles grinned.

**Charles** :  _ You don’t beat about the bush, do you? _

**Max** :  _ As you could probably tell, I am a mutant and this is important to me. _

**Charles** :  _ It is important to me too. _

**Max** :  _ So what are you planning to do about it? _

**Charles** :  _ I’m planning on telling the public just that in the end of the week. _

**Max** :  _ Can I be special and be told before everyone else? _

**Charles** :  _ It depends. Were you flirting again? _

**Max** :  _ Damn. Guilty as charged. _

**Charles** :  _ You probably know my views on the Mutant registration act already. _

**Max** :  _ I do. I read your articles, your blog and I attended one of your lectures. _

Charles’ heart skipped a beat for some inexplicable reason. Max attended his lectures? So logically speaking, Charles had sort of met Max. Without knowing.

**Max** :  _ If you ever need anything from an angry jewish mutant, I’m your man. I’ll help with anything as long as we shut this stupid law! _

**Charles** :  _ I’ll keep that in mind. But it’s not voted on yet. We can fight it and prevent it from happening. _

**Max** :  _ I thought you were more keen on peaceful resolutions. I’m rather surprised to read you say you’re going to fight. _

**Charles** :  _ Opposing something does not necessarily involve violence. I’m still against violence and in favour of peaceful resolution. But that doesn’t mean I’m about to be a silent observer to injustice. _

For a few long minutes there was no reply. Max started typing several times and then stopped, then started typing again and stopped once more. Charles was a little puzzled. Did he make a mistake discussing such issues with a stranger? Still, it wasn’t anything Charles wouldn’t say in public. In fact, he had on many occasions, so it hardly mattered even if Max did leak this conversation to the press. But honestly, that was not what occupied Charles’ mind right now. He was surprised to find himself more interested to know what Max had to say, as a person and a mutant affected by this ridiculous legislation, than if he had any ulterior motives.

Max finally replied,

**Max** :  _ Thank you. _

That was it? So much hesitation for just one  _ thank you  _ ? Charles wished he could use his telepathy in written form too. There were obviously a lot of feelings underneath these simple two words. The man was probably emotional about the topic -- it was, after all, a very delicate matter and he seemed like someone who took mutant politics quite personally. As one should. It reminded him of Erik when they first met. All that conviction and passion and a voice that no one wanted to hear. How frustrating it was to have so much to say and no one to listen. It was unfair then and it was unfair now.

Suddenly Charles felt overcome with the desire to help this man, to give him a chance to voice his opinion and fight for what he believed. Before he could consider this any further, Charles was already typing to Max.

**Charles** :  _ I wouldn’t mind meeting you this Tuesday around 12:00 pm in my office at the Center. But keep in mind that I cannot promise anything but friendship. If you’re fine with that, then come. _

**Max** :  _ I’m fine with that. _

**Charles** : Very well then. I shall be waiting for you. Good night, Max.

**Max** : Good night, Charles.

And that was it.

Charles felt his heart booming inside his chest for at least another hour after their conversation was over. He had no idea why.  


	19. Chapter 19

Kitty Pryde was hungry. She was starving. But she was also late this morning so she had no time for proper breakfast. Now, Kitty was aware that if she explained this to the Professor he would understand and totally send her to get food. But she didn’t want that. She wanted him to know she was prompt and dependable. So she remained behind her desk, doing her work and dreaming of a nice big sandwich.

The Professor already looked kinda miserable today. There were dark circles under his eyes as if he hadn’t slept all night and he seemed distracted, not really paying attention to anything Kitty said. It was safe to say that he was not himself today. Which was very unusual for him because he always found it in himself to concentrate on work-related issues. But today… today was different. She tried asking if he was alright but he brushed it off as insignificant and she had to just let it go.

She was counting the minutes till her lunch break when a young tall man in a turtleneck showed up like a shadow above her desk, claiming he had to see the Professor.

Kitty narrowed her eyes at him. “Do you have an appointment?”

“Not exactly. But he did invite me.” the man replied.

“I’m afraid you’ll need an appointment in order to get a meeting.” Kitty announced.

The man chuckled for some reason, as if having a private joke with himself. Was she doing it wrong? She wasn’t supposed to amuse him!

“Look, I know you’re doing your job but I’m here because Professor Xavier invited me himself. He’s expecting me so you could say I have an appointment of sorts. We have a meeting.”

She was still unconvinced. She didn’t want to bother the Professor, especially when she saw how strange he behaved all morning. Did that perhaps had something to do with this meeting he was expecting?

“I was not informed of this.” she said out loud.

“Well, maybe you should ask him.” The man suggested.

“Very well.” Kitty pursed her lips, not too thrilled about it. “Name?”

“Tell him Max Eisenheardt is here to see him.” the man said with a slight smirk as if his own name amused him.

“Right.” Kitty said unimpressed and picked up the phone.

~*~

Charles was freaking out. He had been freaking out ever since that unfortunate invitation he made. He could not believe he actually agreed to a meeting with Max Eisenhardt! The last person on Earth Charles ever wanted to see! And that night not only did he agree to a meeting, he also  _ suggested  _ it!  _ He  _ invited Max here! Max hadn’t forced his way in. Max was actually a quite decent guy who backed off when Charles told him to. And now… Why did Charles invite him? Was he out of his mind!? One lonely sleepless night and now he had to accept the consequences of those unfortunate decisions. He was waiting for a stranger who until recently behaved like a weirdo.

On the bright side, he did tell Max this was strictly professional. And it was. He had no reasons to freak out.

The phone rang and Charles’ heart jumped startled.

“Yes, Kitty?” He answered it.

“Professor, a Max Eisenhardt is here waiting for you.” Kitty said over the phone.

“Right. Tell him to come in, please.” Charles replied. He could hear his voice wavering a little as he spoke, despite his efforts to control it.

He hung up and spread his telepathy to feel the mind outside his office. It wasn’t a matter of reading the man’s mind, but more like getting a general feeling of it. Each mind was unique and alight with different aura of sorts. Charles was curious to know Max’s.  

As he felt the man approaching the door Charles froze. His lips parted slightly as he felt his heart skipping a few beats. It was impossible! His desperation must have been playing tricks on his own mind because surely this could not be--

The door opened and Erik walked inside.

~*~

Seeing Charles after all this time was like a familiar dream. A dream Erik had so often that he could not quite tell if it was actually happening this time or he was still asleep.  

Charles looked older but mostly the same. He was in his wheelchair, his hair a bit longer than usual but Erik liked it. It looked good on him. He was wearing a lilac sweater that made his gorgeous blue eyes pop beautifully. They were just as amazing as Erik remembered. His arms were quite well-defined too. Erik felt his heart warm at the sight of Charles. He had missed him so much! 

He swallowed, his nervousness taking over. He was here alright but now what? 

Charles was just staring at him. As if he didn’t know what to do either. Or maybe he couldn’t believe it was Erik in his office and not Max. What if Charles was disappointed? What if Charles no longer wanted him?  

Erik tried to push these thoughts to the back of his mind. It was useless to just stare. He was not going to get answers by not asking questions. He cleared his throat, going for the direct approach. 

“Hello, Charles.” he said. His voice sounded almost calm. 

“Erik…” Charles muttered, still obviously too out of it to form a proper sentence. 

“Max Eisenhardt.” Erik corrected with a slight smirk. Maybe a little laughter might break the ice. 

All he wanted was to hold Charles in his arms again but he was afraid it might not be welcome. He wanted to crash their lips together but he was afraid to make the first move. He had hundreds of questions to ask, and thousands of things to say but he was speechless. It was quite ridiculous. 

“Erik.” Charles repeated. 

Erik nodded. “Yes. I-- I wanted to see you…” he said sheepishly. His mind was a vibrant jumble of emotions and Charles probably could feel it. He swallowed. “I hope you don’t mind that I’m here…” 

“I don’t.” Charles said quickly, but he still seemed quite stunned in front of Erik. 

It made Erik feel awkward, unsure of how to proceed, considering Charles’ reaction. 

“I’m also Max Eisenhardt.” he began explaining. “I invented him.” 

“Invented him?” Charles uttered but it was not a question. More like repeating what Erik just said.  

“Yes.” Erik continued. “It’s been so long. I wasn’t sure if you hadn’t changed your mind about me. I didn’t know if I were still welcome in your life and I didn’t want to just show up out of nowhere and mess things up for you again.” 

“So you thought Max Eisenhardt was a good idea?” Charles asked. His voice sounded a little detached, distant. That was not a good sign. Erik grew even more self-conscious. Had he screwed up with the whole Max thing? He just wanted to make sure Charles wasn’t dating someone else. He didn’t expect it to continue for a month. 

“I never meant for it to go this far, I just…” he waved his hand about not quite sure what he wanted to convey with the gesture. 

Charles concentrated on him, his eyes slightly narrowed. Erik realized he was looking into his mind. 

“You wanted to be sure I still wanted you. You were afraid I had forgotten you.” he said. He seemed puzzled. “You really thought I could just forget you?”

“Well, no. But… I also didn’t know you’d still want me after 6 years.” 

Charles did not dismiss Erik’s concerns this time. “I guess this makes sense.” he said out loud. “I often wondered about the same thing myself.” 

He looked into Erik’s mind once again and Erik felt his stomach fluttering with warm anticipation. Damn! Erik had to admit Charles’ mutation was still a huge turn on for him. The things Charles could do with his mind! And he was using his telepathy with newfound confidence, so masterful and assured in himself, it was making him even more attractive than Erik remembered. 

Erik’s mouth went dry so he licked his lips. 

“Stop that.” Charles scolded softly, eyes looking down to the floor as a slight blush appeared on his cheeks. He probably caught those last thoughts Erik entertained briefly.  

Erik flushed too. “Sorry.” he muttered. 

He then realized he was still standing on his feet, towering over Charles’ desk. There was too much space between the two of them. Frankly, Erik didn’t like that. In all honesty, he was hoping they’d be kissing by now. They made it seem so easy in movies. But this wasn’t a movie and Erik was no romantic hero. He felt too inept to woo the man he loved. 

_ Fuck it _ , he thought. Maybe he couldn’t offer Charles some dreamy romantic speech but he could offer Charles his loyal heart and his candor. So that was what he went for. 

“Charles, I don’t know what I’m supposed to say. In my head I came up with so many different scenarios of how this would go, so many things I want to tell you that I can’t even remember now. I don’t know how to make this romantic for you or how to impress you. I meant what I said that night, I suck at flirting.” he took a step closer to Charles, leaning a bit so that their eyes could meet. “But I am good at telling things as they are. So here goes. Charles, I love you. These last six years only proved to me how deep that love is and how much I need you. I hate to be separated from you. I occupied my every single hour with studying and activism just so that I manage to go on another day without you. I graduated early. I went to college. I still have one semester left till I get my degree. I was going to wait till then to come looking for you but I just-- I couldn’t stay away any longer. So here I am. By your side.” he took Charles’ hands in his own and continued with passion. “I want you by my side, Charles. I’m 21 now, very much legal and very much in love. So if you still want this, I’d like to ask you out on a date with me. And then to move in with me. And then possibly to marry me and fight human bigots with me. If you’d still have me.” 

Words from the heart, telling things the way he felt them. 

“Erik.” Charles uttered out his name, overcome with emotions. His face brightened up as a soft smile appeared on his lips. His eyes were glistening with what Erik hoped were tears of joy. His hands found their way on Erik’s cheeks and the back of his neck. “Erik, my love, of course I’d still have you! There’s no question here. I’m yours heart and soul, mind and body! I’ve missed you so much! So very much! I didn’t think--” his voice broke and he chuckled at his own inability to collect himself. “I didn’t think you’d come to me again. I’m so happy you did! I love you! I love you more than I can tell you!” 

Erik pressed their lips together, feeling something warm rising in his chest and something wet on his face. Tears. Tears and blissful happiness. He wasn’t sure if these tears and emotions were Charles’ or his own. Maybe they belonged to them both. 

~*~ 

Kitty Pryde heard a strange and unusual noise coming from the Professor’s office. As if the door locked on the inside by itself without anyone using a key, and then a thump like something was knocked over from the Professor’s desk. All that topped up with the metal in the room vibrating slightly and some peculiar muffled moan-like sounds from behind the closed door of the Professor’s office. 

She began to worry. Was the Professor in pain? It didn’t sound like pain but what else could it be? She was about to go and check if everything was alright when suddenly everything went quiet again. Then the phone rang. It was the Professor! 

Kitty quickly answered it. 

“Kitty! Hi! I’m just calling to say that you can go have an early lunch. In fact, have the whole day off, if you like!” 

Kitty blinked surprised. That was very unexpected. “Professor? Are you alright? You sound a little out of breath. Do you need help?” 

“No! No, I’m… quite alright.” he cleared his throat. “Perhaps you didn’t hear me when I first spoke. You can have the day off. Go have fun, relax, do whatever you want. It’s a lovely day and you should be enjoying it.” 

Well, it seemed like he meant it. And he sure sounded excited about the lovely day. 

“Thank you, Professor!” she beamed into the phone but he had already hung up. 

Kitty shrugged and hung up too. A day off, huh. She smiled and thought of that sandwich she really wanted. She grabbed her purse and coat and rushed outside. It really was a lovely day, she thought. 

They say good things come to those who wait. Well, that must be true because it was definitely satisfying when she finally tasted that sandwich she had been dreaming of for so long. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so this story ends with Charles and Erik ready for their new beginning together :)  
> Thank you to everyone who read this story, left wonderful comments and kudos-ed! That means so much to me! I hope you enjoyed this fanfic as much as I enjoyed writing it :)


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